Feeling a little lost...  

ShyWhisper2006 53F
8597 posts
4/19/2006 2:53 am
Feeling a little lost...

Not sure why this is but I have a few ideas...
I lost my mother recently...and..I am accepting it as best I can. She was one that knew when I was upset just from the tone of my voice. SHe could settle my fears and doubts with only a few words. If I phoned and was too upset to even speak, she seemed to know just what to say to help me feel better and help me over the rough patches.
Now...she is gone...and there is no one to do that for me...
Of all the times that I have been alone, ...I seem to feel this more so now. I know no one will ever replace her in my life and I do deal with more than even she knew about and handled it well on my own.
But, I have not had anyone yet , family or friends alike that has comforted me...
My siblings are all attached and I am the only one not.
Nights like tonight I sit thinking...and I do that too much sometimes, [ i think it is a fault of my own making]
and I want just to be held and allowed to cry as much as I want to...told it will be ok and that I am not alone and not wanted and not going to be alone forever.
I think it not fair for me to allow someone in my life at the moment , to burden them with this, and yet I know there are caring souls out there that would be willing to just be there for me if that is all I wanted for now.
Funny ...here I am on a sex/swinger site and I would be happy with just being held, having my hand held.
Sad to think that there are others like myself out there and no one admits to it or seeks only that. Perhaps they do, and are just as quiet and unwilling to burden others as myself. Putting others before themselves and suffering in silence.
I do not always ask for those things that I want or need...only because I feel that I should be able to go without or make do with what I have.
I am blessed in the friends that I have made, they are few but they are of the quality that even fewer could ever be. I am grateful for them.
I try to be the someone like that...treating others as I want to be treated and so far, it is appreciated by those that really try to get to know me.
I tend to think that I am not any different than anyone else. I can get along with pretty much anyone. I like to smile and share a smile with others when I can.
Sometimes I wish I was two instead of only one....that way I could be to myself what I am to others.
*smiles*...It would be nice...but I think I may have my hands full at times, if that was possible.
Going to try to sleep...again...and see what tomorrow brings my way.

I want to thank those of you that have posted to my blog...I tried to thank you personally and ended up using my allotment of messages for the day...lol
I appreciate the fact that you took the time to read my lil ramblings and left me a message as well. And ...I will not leave...since finding blog land people a much better crowd than alot of the others and more accepting as well...Thanks again...I am staying here...*smiles*


calibanshe 60M

4/19/2006 2:22 pm

You are a special person with things to say. I am glad you decided to stay.
Know what you mean, ShyWhisper,.. sometimes I wish I was two instead of only one....that way I could be to myself what I am to others. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) that will never be the case.
It's easy to feel lost. Losing someone who is important in your life, like you have with your mother, is difficult .....and feeling alone is a difficult way to exist.
My heart goes out to you.
Here, ShyWhisper, is a cyberhug.


rm_blue061245 71M
331 posts
4/20/2006 11:03 am

ShyWhisper

Losing a parent is a sad thing, no doubt about it. You have every reason and right to mourn her. It can be tempting to dwell on the fact that there will be no more happy events with her. However, for your own sake, do not focus on the loss, but on the good things from the past. Remember the good times; celebrate the fact that that you had her around to share them.

For the future, consider a few lines from Hamlet (Polonius, speaking to Laertes in Act I Scene II -

... This above all; to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Basically, do not judge your actions or your value by anybody else's standards. In the end, it does not really matter what other people think; what matters is whether YOU approve of your actions.

Whether or not you decide to allow someone else in your life right now is a decision for you to make, not anybody else. If you want someone, make yourself available. If you choose to be a bystander and watch life from a distance for a week, a month, a year, that is your choice to make, and nobody should try to take that choice from you or make it for you. Don't let them do it.

Be yourself. Recognize your wants and needs, and decide for yourself what you are going to do about them.

Good luck with your life.


rm_blue061245 71M
331 posts
4/20/2006 11:05 am

ShyWhisper

Losing a parent is a sad thing, no doubt about it. You have every reason and right to mourn her. It can be tempting to dwell on the fact that there will be no more happy events with her. However, for your own sake, do not focus on the loss, but on the good things from the past. Remember the good times; celebrate the fact that that you had her around to share them.

For the future, consider a few lines from Hamlet (Polonius, speaking to Laertes in Act I Scene II )

"... This above all; to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man."

Basically, do not judge your actions or your value by anybody else's standards. In the end, it does not really matter what other people think; what matters is whether YOU approve of your actions.

Whether or not you decide to allow someone else in your life right now is a decision for you to make, not anybody else. If you want someone, make yourself available. If you choose to be a bystander and watch life from a distance for a week, a month, a year, that is your choice to make, and nobody should try to take that choice from you or make it for you. Don't let them do it.

Be yourself. Recognize your wants and needs, and decide for yourself what you are going to do about them.

Good luck with your life.

And, here's another cyberhug.


ShyWhisper2006 53F
15175 posts
7/8/2006 1:16 am

    Quoting calibanshe:
    You are a special person with things to say. I am glad you decided to stay.
    Know what you mean, ShyWhisper,.. sometimes I wish I was two instead of only one....that way I could be to myself what I am to others. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) that will never be the case.
    It's easy to feel lost. Losing someone who is important in your life, like you have with your mother, is difficult .....and feeling alone is a difficult way to exist.
    My heart goes out to you.
    Here, ShyWhisper, is a cyberhug.
Thank you calibanshe for the cyberhug...it is much appreciated


ShyWhisper2006 53F
15175 posts
7/8/2006 1:17 am

    Quoting rm_blue061245:
    ShyWhisper

    Losing a parent is a sad thing, no doubt about it. You have every reason and right to mourn her. It can be tempting to dwell on the fact that there will be no more happy events with her. However, for your own sake, do not focus on the loss, but on the good things from the past. Remember the good times; celebrate the fact that that you had her around to share them.

    For the future, consider a few lines from Hamlet (Polonius, speaking to Laertes in Act I Scene II )

    "... This above all; to thine own self be true,
    And it must follow, as the night the day,
    Thou canst not then be false to any man."

    Basically, do not judge your actions or your value by anybody else's standards. In the end, it does not really matter what other people think; what matters is whether YOU approve of your actions.

    Whether or not you decide to allow someone else in your life right now is a decision for you to make, not anybody else. If you want someone, make yourself available. If you choose to be a bystander and watch life from a distance for a week, a month, a year, that is your choice to make, and nobody should try to take that choice from you or make it for you. Don't let them do it.

    Be yourself. Recognize your wants and needs, and decide for yourself what you are going to do about them.

    Good luck with your life.

    And, here's another cyberhug.
Thank you blue...your such a kind person...*smiles*


ShyWhisper2006 53F
15175 posts
7/8/2006 1:18 am

Thank you ravenloonatik...I truly appreciate the offer...so very kind of you...*smiles*


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