Scared Away  

SexyT12078 49F
138 posts
7/25/2006 9:45 pm

Last Read:
7/28/2006 11:47 pm

Scared Away

After being on AdultFriendFinder and the things you've read and learned has it changed your feelings toward marriage? Or even a lasting relationship?

Let me explain. I've been on AdultFriendFinder for i 1/2 years. I've read the articles and success stories. I have read so much going on with people and it has changed my whole way of thinking about relationships.
I know it takes work for a relationship to work, and a whole lot of communication.
It seems that there are only so few who keep this going anymore. I've worked in nursing homes around the elderly and they tell me how they were married 50 and 60 years, Now it seems the average marriage lasts about what 3 to 5. give or take...
That makes me think about the future for my own children. There won't be elderly stating they were married 50 or 60 years... now there may be the stories of having 50 or 60 partners rather than spouces.
I used to want to get married and settle down, but hell am I going to be the next to post on here one day that my husband is chatting or cheating behind my back? Fuck that!
I know that AdultFriendFinder has opened my eyes.
I give props to the swingers cause they do their shit together. But I just think all the sneaking behind ones back is just dead wrong!
Doesn't anybody communicate anymore? Why stay together if it's not about two anymore?
I just don"t get it.


Panthiest 73M

7/26/2006 12:26 am

My folkks were married about 60 years - always together, worked and built a life together. Sure they missed the freedom we have, but they had something we don't seem to either value or understand.
See, today it's all aobut "me" Am I getting what "I" need? Am "I" satisfied? Am "I" free? etc etc etc. In my parent's life it was "US" Are "WE" getting what "WE" need? etc etc etc.They planned their life and worked to make their plans come true.

ANother thing: they were of the generation that great cynical, have a negative outlook, have "Hope" rather than "Faith" and it's understgandable. Global Warming, unending war, quality of life deteriating etc etc etc. Girls just want ot have fun but after a while the fun gets old and they need more fun and stronger fun til they become jaded and not much is fun anymore.

Finally; my parent's generation had their problems. It wasn't Father Knows Best or Leave it To Beaver though they did try to live that life. But thier dedicaiton held them together thorugh the "thick" and "thin' of their marriage. Today we go into relationships pretty quickly with one foot in and the other ready to run should any problems arise.

I'm not sayiing one is better or worse, I am saying that we need to think over waht wse "REALLY" want and then go out and get it.


brute472 74M
3480 posts
7/26/2006 10:42 pm

Marriage = loving + commitment.

After two failed marriages it is easy to sit back and expound the reasons why, but if the truth be known my marriages failed through lack of commitment on my part.
There was love but not that other important ingredient.
Still at 64 I believe that the right person is out there and there is one person on this earth that is right for me. I also believe every one has a Mr or Mrs right waiting to meet them.
Our biggest problem these days is the ease it takes to get out of marriage, divorce is just too easy in my mum and dads day even if the marriage sucked you stayed together.
My latest post has a suggestion that really has relevance to your "Or even a lasting relationship?"
it says-Marry someone you like to talk to.As you get older their conversational skills will be as important as any other.


SexyT12078 49F

7/26/2006 11:23 pm

you do have a point. I wish you luck.
Who knows really what the future may bring for ny of us. Good luck to you hon I wish you happiness.


FanErotic6996 57M
1019 posts
7/27/2006 1:16 am

When I was in the process of separating my wife made a comment to me that at least my father stuck it out in his marriage. I found that rather odd since it seemed like she also thought dad drank a little too much and had a mild case of verbal abuse going on, and Im sure no sex life for many years. My parents were married 49 years before he passed. People of that generation just rarley got divorced. And I dont think they should have either. Maybe the issue of communication is a huge reason why there is so much divorce today - not just that it doesnt happen - but that we feel the need for it to happen that many older generations didnt.

Next best thing to perfect


saphyre38 42M/55F

7/27/2006 3:06 am

One thing wrong today with relationships/marriages is people don't want to work for them.. It seems as soon as trouble or hard times comes along they take the easy way out by leaving . instead of trying to work thru the trouble or heartache. I saphy, being on my 4th marriage can say from experience that it takes 2 to keep a marriage going and if only one partner is trying it will never work. The most important thing other then commitment, honesty, trust, and being faithful would be(in my opinion) is couples need to compromise. Alot of relationships people want things their way, but compromising goes along way, meeting in the middle has great affects. Plus it seems alot jump into marriage before ever having discussed what they both think or feel a marriage is or should be.
Its easier for alot of people to run from their problems then to stay to work thru them. yes I've been married 4 times now, first time was a mistake and short, second time I was in it for 17 years(left cuz he was mentally abusive) 3rd time i was in it for 4 years(he forgot i was his wife) 4th time is going on 2 1/2 years...and in all these relationships my partners never really wanted to work thru anything you cant fix a rip without any tape.
the difference with the 4th marriage is we talk..work thru things...don't scream or yell, respect each others opinions, views, and such. and most of all are very much deep in love and started out being best friends, knowing each other for a while first.
So don't just run, stay and talk and work thru the hard times.. I mean after all it does say "for better or worse" in the vows right
good luck to all
saphy


SexyT12078 49F

7/27/2006 4:09 am

wow four is alot. But I'm glad to hear that you have such a good understanding with this one. Yeah that's what it's all about, it's compromise and communcating.
and might I add nice pic as well hon


gentleman_glen 51M

7/27/2006 8:21 am

Sexy you just havent met the right man yet. I strongly believe there is someone out there who is perfect for someone else. Finding that person is just a matter of time and fate. I hope you find him, I know I want to find her.

Glen


SirMounts 102M

7/28/2006 10:56 pm

SexyT...
The velocity of the internet is far swifter than realtime. Yes, I agree there are some very serious questions that we should ask ourselves about relationships. But I feel that the accelerated speed by which relationships can come and go on here, makes them less than an ideal way to understand them.


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