Beware of the risks... Part 2  

SexySquirterGirl 50F
391 posts
4/24/2005 7:57 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Beware of the risks... Part 2

He started calling me a couple of days after I had returned to work. The messages he left were as if we were a couple, that the sex was mutual. Telling me he missed me and couldnt wait to see me again. That he longed to be "inside" me again. I was mortified to say the least. Then the late night visits started. Someone would be knocking on my door late at night, well I was no way in hell going to answer it. Immediately after and even sometimes while the knocking was taking place my cell phone would ring. It would be him, asking me why I wouldnt answer the door. That he knew I was awake because he could see such and such light on. Some nights he didnt called but stood outside my bedroom, making sure I knew he was there. This is what messed me up, this is why I still have problems sleeping and cant go to sleep until it is light outside. This is why I am afraid to go anywhere at night alone. And this why I lost my job, then my home, I ended up moving in my brother. I was sure this would end the stalking. I no longer had the cell phone, as it was a work phone and when I lost my job they got their phone back. I move a good 15-20 miles away. It was a couple weeks before I saw him. In the grocery store where I was picking a few things up. Leering at me, causing me to drop everything and run out of store. Then outside my window late late at night. At the public library. My life became a living hell. I still hadnt even told my parents. Eventually though, I broke down. I told them everything and they helped me to get help and to see a shrink. I did finally shake him but it took 2 more moves to do it. My brother eventually got tired of dealing with it, and we had a falling out and he kicked me out.

It was 9 months later that I got back on a computer. Alot of people think this is crazy of me to play again. But I couldnt let him win entirely, I met my first person from AdultFriendFinder a year after the . He knew everything I had been thru and he never pressured me to meet. He talked for hours by cam, this being the most comfort for me, because I could physically see who I was talking too. He agreed to meet on my terms, which ment meeting in a public place with my best friend coming along as well. And I so grateful I met him, he played a major role in me getting better. After we met I realized that my gut instinct had not let me down. You see I always thought I could go with first initial instinct you get about a person. When I was I thought that feeling had failed me, but it hadnt. In fact it had been right on money, but he wouldnt take no as an answer. He just keep pushing and pushing and pushing until he wore me down. Once I realized this I slowly begun to forgive myself. Sexually for some amazing reason I am fine. I think it is because I turned to a really good friend and he took his time with me, actually taking a couple of weeks with alot of teasing, holding, being gentle and what not and then taking it beyond so that I wanted him and had to have him. He was amazing and also helped me so much.

Today, I play online because I truely think it is safer than meeting in a bar. I used to be a very social person, loved going to the bars and talking to strangers, now I hate the bars and never go.. I have nightmares almost nightly, often waking my kids by me screaming. I wake myself up screaming, I have no memory of what I am dreaming about. I am still seeing a shrink, but I dont ever think I will be the person I was. That person is gone, fear is a part of my life and will continue to be. I always tell someone I am chatting with and getting to know about what I went thru and what my rules are. Most of them understand and have been great.. A few had a problem with it and I didnt talk to them any further. I do believe everything happens for a reason.. even my . I am a better mom, and a better person these days. I had some other issues that I wasnt dealing with but when I started seeing my shrink she is helping me to deal with my other problems. I am no longer angry at the world.

In closing, I just want to stress the importance of meeting in public, of letting someone know where you are going that night and who you are meeting and to never ever 2nd guess your gut instinct!!! Please everyone be safe!!! Hugs SquirterGurl

lustmirror 63M
2897 posts
4/24/2005 4:13 pm

what a terrible ordeal. I can't think of anything that confounds me, as a male, more than . I include child molestation in this same predatory behaviour. I can't understand the motivation, I KNOW I don't appreciate the prevalence, and I wish it caused an instant reaction of aversion in anyone when even a hint of it is expressed. Somehow this is allowed to happen in the background of all of our lives. It should be stigmatized for the ugly smell of itself, rather than rationalized, because of some expressed merit of the perpetrator.
glad you had such support....I just can't fathom the barbarianism of it all.


4/24/2005 7:54 pm

I can feel your pain, I was almost 6 years ago , I was engaged to be married to a wonderful man and his brother me,,it ruined many things in my life. He stalked me for awhile , till some good friends got ahold of him.. A few months ago I heard he died along painful death with cancer, I could not have any remorse for his suffering, like you I believe things happen for a reason.
Chin up Girl you will never forget but it does ease up in time with a lot of understanding and meeting remarkable people.

SexySquirterGirl 50F
102 posts
4/24/2005 11:07 pm

Lustmirror~I think one of the things that freak me out the most was when he called a couple days later and left a message like we were indeed a couple. That the sex had been consensual, and he was just "saying hi" and wanted to let me know "he couldnt wait to see me again." I knew the guy was seriously wacked! I am thankful the most that he didnt touch my children, and the stayed asleep while it was going on. I am also glad I was able to get help and support. It just took me awhile to admit I actually needed it. 2sexy

SexySquirterGirl 50F
102 posts
4/24/2005 11:12 pm

Blondeneedssex~I wouldnt have any remorse for the painful death either... and truth be told, I probably would have found a little satsifaction in knowing he had to suffer. I know that may sound mean. But he had it coming.. I definately believe in Karma, your story is just one more reason why I do... I am sorry you had to go thru that. Thank you for sharing.. Big Hugs, Squirtergurl

GleesFlakyShawl 50M
1620 posts
4/26/2005 1:07 pm

i completely agree with sexyfit, i think this must have required a lot of courage from u, but at the same time, i guess this probably means u have gone thru it as much as u can possibly can....a way too strong experience...
thnx for sharing

rm_contech101 43M
2 posts
4/28/2005 4:34 pm

What an ordeal. I am so glad that you were able to work through the pain and not let that piece of crap ruin your whole life. Your Angel must have been with you at the time to allow you to take the brunt of the pain, and keep him away from your kids. You should be proud of yourself.

SexySquirterGirl 50F
102 posts
5/3/2005 2:35 pm

Wow~Thank you for sharing your story.. Staying put I am sure was also a test of true will, what an amazing person you are!!! Your story gave me alot of hope for better days ahead, thank you so much!! Big Hugs, SG

elizaxxxxxbeth 54F

5/26/2005 9:26 pm

Almost the exact same circumstances happened to me, I am saddened by how common it is. I had met the guy online and allowed him to pick me up at my home, BIG MISTAKE. Later when I decided I could not live in fear all my life, I went back online and eventually met my husband, but trust me the first few meets were NOT at my home.

It took years to get back to being able to feel sexual without having flashbacks. I have found I feel more comfortable playing in a "group" enviorment, because you know there are other ladies out there watching your back, and that the gentlemen are quick to respond to any complaint about another guy.

Swinging has given me my sexuality back, while allowing me to set the boundaries I WANT.. please know you are not alone and thank you for sharing your story, it WILL help others.

gentile_sadico 51M
1368 posts
9/2/2005 9:54 pm

so very sorry to hear your story, it happened to a friend of mine and she hasn't been the same since, she has moved away and it's been over a years since we've seen her, what a shame...

SexySquirterGirl 50F
102 posts
9/3/2005 12:19 am

Thank you for your remarks. Some days are good, some not as good, but I dont think I will ever be the same either... A part of me is gone.. I am so much better than I was though. Hugs, ssg

rm_affbreak 46M
287 posts
1/14/2006 5:29 pm

> I always thought I could go with first initial instinct you get about a person.

One simply can not. Just think of the politicians who are 'looking trustworthy' but are in a way plain old liars, lieing for years. don't need to be more stupid or integer than a politician.

Don't doing risky things or taking precautions is the way to go.

goldinboy2 60M

1/14/2006 8:56 pm

That did take alot of courage to share that. To bad you couldn't have had him put away.Peace love and joy to you.

Uninhibited1972 44M

1/21/2006 7:11 pm

Sexy, please add in your advice at the end to involve the police at the first sign of trouble. Never turn down any opportunity to make an incident report or press charges, even if it is only for trespassing during the stalking phase. The stalker must receive a clear message that you are not worth bothering with, and it gives the police the ammo they need to prevent harm to you and others.

Thank you for your post.

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