Ka, Ka-tet, and the Face of My Father....  

Seriously_Real 48M
1458 posts
5/21/2006 4:13 pm

Last Read:
5/26/2006 3:23 pm

Ka, Ka-tet, and the Face of My Father....

The Hole in the Screen has demanded things of me, and I have not obeyed -- again. I cannot obey, again. The Hole lies. The Hole does not have my interests or the interests of those I love in its view. I fought The Hole, and it deceived me, forcing me to write posts I didn't want to write, saying things I did not want to say, could not say, should not say. For that, I am deeply sorry.

No more. I have talked to The Hole. And The Hole has agreed to shut up for now and let me be me and write me. Because I know me best. And I know what needs to be written, how it needs to be written, and what The Hole needs is simply to be fed. And I will feed it, but not what it wants. It does not need candy. Too much of that. Far too fucking much of that. It needs nourishment, something that will stick to its ribs. It's time to write about me.


_______________

In Stephen King's Dark Tower series, the primary setting is in "Mid-World," a place that used to be much like ours, but before "the world moved on." The "gunslingers" were the Knights of the realm, and there was a kingdom, and....sigh. It is far too much to describe.

Two things about it call me to write right now.

Ka and Ka-Tet

The first is the discussion by King throughout of ka, the fate and will of fate. The essential order of things that come into and out of our lives. The thing that makes no coincences. That which binds us all, like The Force of George Lucas. If ka wills it, so it must be done, and it will be done.

People brought together to serve and follow the will of ka are ka-tet.

I have known ka-tet in my life. I am part of a ka-tet. People in your ka-tet are as essential to you as you are to them. You are bound. And you, my Blogville friends, are my ka-tet.

This is a powerful thought, because I keep returning, refining, changing, fucking up, destroying, creating, laughing, loving, crying, sceaming, hurting, singing, doubting, trusting, and through it all, you are there. This is my home. You are my friends.

We are ka-tet. For that, I am comforted. For that, I am grateful. Because with that, I am strengthened.

Remembering The Face of My Father

They spoke English in Mid World, but there was a "high speech" in the language that the learned and powerful knew. And they had a number of sayings -- "the clearing at the end of the path" to describe death is one of my favorites.

But the one that occurs to me today is "You have forgotten the face of your father." It is a rebuke, this phrase, a chastisement of the highest order. Who you are, where you come from, what your values are, and what you must do -- all of it is in "the face of your father."

And I have forgotten the face of my father, here. There was a time knew it -- I was honest with myself and the blog, I knew who I was and what made me tick. I did not seek validation, for I knew what I was. I did not demand candy, for I needed nothing that was not sustenance. I had become the man that I was intended to be.

I lost that along the way. I allowed patterns in my life that I thought had broken to re-emerge, and I stopped being honest with myself and this blog. I acknowledged fear, and forsook fearlessness. I became a man that was driven not by what he had inside, what made him tick, who was internally controlled, but a man who could not resist one last peek in the funhouse -- holding a stick of cotton candy and becoming a child.

I forgot the face of my father. I was a child again. And I need to relearn some things.

Being alone, being patient, being accepting of things that I cannot change -- hell, the whole fucking Serenity Prayer -- I forgot it all. Cotton candy and funhouse mirrors took over because they were comfortable and familiar. I forgot who I was, what I was, what I knew about myself and my patterns and my tendencies....I forgot the face of my father. The universe responded.

And yet, sitting here quietly, just me and this laptop, sitting here it comes back to me. Where I was before I fell off my wagon and forgot the face of my father. I remember who I was. I was at peace. I had serenity. I served the will of ka then. I was strong, unshakeable, clear. I needed nothing, but wanted what was true. I demanded nothing from anyone, and was clear in in my desires. I was honest with myself and those around me. The universe responded, then, too.

I find myself now ashamed. Ashamed as I should be. Rebuked, chastised, and even remorseful -- not because I have suffered the consequences of my actions, but because I stopped growing and lost sight of the most important thing of all: me.

It is not too late for me to recover that sense of self. And to do that I must first understand that I will not rewind the clock and forget my mistakes. Ka moves in a wheel, and that time is gone. It left its mark as a reminder that I must never forget where I have been and what I have done. I need to be reminded of why it is important to know myself and stay within myself, seeking only what it is, and forsaking what is not. I need to remember the face of my father.

And so it is that today I have set the blog back to rights; I have set my soul back to rest; and I gaze upon myself and recognize that I have not lost everything. I have learned. I have experienced a fuller life. I know peace. I just forgot it for a while.

I remember it now. I am the face of my father.

Thank you, my ka-tet. Thank you for helping me in that.

--Seriously


rm_Ellenback 58F
966 posts
5/21/2006 4:44 pm

Wow, Seriously, you're good, 'REAL' good...

This brought tears to my eyes, and I don't think I'm alone in that feeling. May all who read this see themselves in it, empathize, and re-establish their ka-tet with you.

(((squishyboobyhugs)))

Elle


Seriously_Real replies on 5/24/2006 5:25 am:
Thank you for the squishyboobyhugs. Thank you also for your tears. It is good to share them with ka-tet.

absolutelynormal 56F
6563 posts
5/21/2006 4:47 pm

I sometimes forget to be grateful for what I have, including the person that is undeniably me. Sounds like maybe you forgot to be thankful that you're you. It's all you can be, seriously. Mac


Seriously_Real replies on 5/24/2006 5:25 am:
I don't know that I forgot to be thankful for me; I just lost sight of the fact that I am complete in myself.

rm_truedom2 55M
663 posts
5/21/2006 5:03 pm

Who said "those that do not remember history are doomed to repeat it"?
Learning is a good thing.
Welcome back to class!


Seriously_Real replies on 5/24/2006 5:26 am:
We all need a refresher course at times.

rm_gerson42 52M
2419 posts
5/21/2006 5:31 pm

let the healing begin. In my view, a little candy is ok once in awhile.
ger


Seriously_Real replies on 5/24/2006 5:26 am:
A little candy is fine every now and then, that's correct. You just can't live on it.

frangipanigal 44F
10406 posts
5/21/2006 5:37 pm

We all lapse and we all revert to our old ways every now and again we are only human!

You are ahead of most people, in that you know who you are and what you want to be. More kudos to you.

Frangi


Seriously_Real replies on 5/24/2006 5:27 am:
Thank you, Frangi. I will fail often, learn just as often, and in the end be the guy I am. Thank you baby.

TheRealThing655 48F
9558 posts
5/21/2006 5:51 pm

Oh Seriously, this brought tears to my eyes as well. I will always be in your ka-tet
You are different, unique. All of our experiences help us learn.
I am so happy you are back, and thanks for visiting me today. I am glad you feel strengthened by us in Blogville, because we see who you are and love you for it.


Seriously_Real replies on 5/24/2006 5:28 am:
Thank you, as well, for being in my ka-tet, Sister Real. It's a lovely place, this Blogville. I think I'll stay for a while.

rm_saintlianna 45F
15466 posts
5/21/2006 6:04 pm

Roland forgot the face of his father a few times himself and always came back, even if he takes "astin" and eats "tooter fish" sandwiches.

Yay OY!!!


Seriously_Real replies on 5/24/2006 5:28 am:
True that, Saintli. And YAY OY!

I miss Ake.

angelofmercy5 58F
17881 posts
5/21/2006 6:15 pm

Wonderful post!


Seriously_Real replies on 5/24/2006 5:29 am:
Thank you, sweet Angel. Hope all is well with you and your ka-tet.

ArtisticTwist75 41F
2505 posts
5/21/2006 7:30 pm

You know my thoughts. Take care of you, do what you need to do... everything else will fall into line.

Artistic


Seriously_Real replies on 5/24/2006 5:29 am:
I do, sweet Arty. And I'm glad you in my ka-tet.

sexyariesgirl 57F

5/21/2006 7:51 pm

You are in my thoughts.

Power To FOK


Seriously_Real replies on 5/24/2006 5:30 am:
Thank you Aries. I will need to be there for a little while longer, I think.

PurplePeach72 44F  
9199 posts
5/21/2006 8:04 pm

In Blogland for me you are King of my ke-tet! Welcome home, all hail the king! That is an awe inspiring post! I read this book twice as a child and young adult but you may have just inspired me to go back and read it again. Take a break from my immortal highlanders, and the hot men I imagine in their place...yummy Well maybe not just King's book...lol
Can't tell you how honored I am to part of your ke-tet! Hope to get to meet you in person someday soon! Glad to hear you see that same essential brilliantly shining core-you!
{=}LeeAnn
shamelessly flirting, once again! ALL things in moderation is my theory so a little candy is good for us! Can't let those candy craving get the best of you...lol

Kisses,
LA


Seriously_Real replies on 5/24/2006 5:31 am:
I will always take your shameless flirting, LeeAnn. And anything else you throw my way. You are a new addition to the ka-tet, but I am glad you're both here.

wickedeasy 66F  
25463 posts
5/22/2006 11:47 am

smiles and inclines her head slightly - acknowledging a truth

You cannot conceive the many without the one.


Seriously_Real replies on 5/24/2006 5:31 am:
I can see that, WE. You have a soul I understand.

specialevents4us 50F

5/22/2006 10:06 pm

you have invoked more emotions than I would like to admit... thank you for the Serenity Prayer


Seriously_Real replies on 5/24/2006 5:32 am:
Special...I must write what I must write...but if it touches people along the way, so be it. Welcome to Blogville. Introspection is our thing....

TripleHARD3 56M

5/22/2006 11:18 pm

which witch
came first
chicken or egg?

news 4 y'all
the rooster
according 2
the one and only
must be lonely
don't u think?


Seriously_Real replies on 5/24/2006 5:32 am:
This made my head hurt....

SweetDarlinAngel 39F
2996 posts
5/23/2006 2:50 pm

Seriously ...
awesome post ...
Great way to explain King's mind when discussing the ka-tet.
I think you may forgotten the face of your father, but at least you never lost it.
~SDA

~Angel


Seriously_Real replies on 5/24/2006 5:33 am:
I did never lose it. I know what I must do, and should have done. But most importantly, I can do it all again. I am who I am and knowing that will be my compass. Welcome back.

OboesHonedIambs 62F

5/26/2006 3:16 pm

beautifully said. thank you.

Instant Human -- Just Add Coffee


Seriously_Real replies on 5/26/2006 3:24 pm:
thank you baglady (that's what I see in my head when I see your handle, sorry). Thanks.

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