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Okay...I'm just full of words tonight! I mentioned previously that I'm in an open marriage. So what the heck does that mean?
No, we're not swingers. Been there and done that - got the trophy and been sucked by two women at the same time. Its fun. And I'll talk more about it later.
"Open" has many meanings to many people - so to try to give a specific definition of it is folly. I can only provide what my wife and I feel "open" is to us. So for us, we allow each other the freedom in our marriage to have romantic and sexual relationships with others. Our relationships have typically been monogamous - our last lovers were part of our lives for 2 years (me) and 2.5 years (her).
Did we love them? Yes...absolutely. Our lovers were an integral part of our lives and sexuality. We didn't share them with each other as one would in swinging. I was actually pretty good friends with my wife's lover - we had a lot in common. Conversely, my wife didn't have much in common with my lover - they met once and said hi...that was all.
From the outside, our relationship with our lovers looked like we were dating them. In my case, I'd usually take her out to dinner, we'd grab a movie and watch it at home, snuggled on the couch, then we'd make love into the night. I'd always stay the night because we both loved sleeping in each other's arms. On weekends, I'd help out around her apartment...do things a boyfriend would usually do.
Now, I don't for a second expect this to be something that everyone should do. I am not an evangelist for open marriage. This works for US...it would be disastrous for most others. My wife and I have a powerful bond of trust and a need to allow our partner all the freedom in the world. We don't have a clue where this ability came from, but we've always seemed to have it.
We are able to love more than one person. Now this is not as strange an idea as you might think - after all, you can love your wife, your children, your family, your pet...etc. They're all different kinds of loves - so the idea of being able to romantically love more than one person is something that comes natural to us. We don't believe that we have a finite amount of love...we feel it as an infinite part of our being. Feeling this is amazingly freeing. All our lives, we felt at odds with what we were told about love - but now we realize why. What we were being told WAS at odds with how we were designed to function.
Mind you, this doesn't mean that we think we are better than anyone else. There is nothing wrong or incorrect about feeling passionate love for only one person. In fact, it is certainly normal since it is what we've all been taught is right. We consider ourselves quite abnormal...but in a good way.
Remember...works for us. And that is a theme that I intend to examine here in detail. Everyone is different - and what works for one, may not work for someone else. Get over it and learn to accept.