Discussions upon being open  

Senseyoualize 52M
13 posts
4/19/2006 8:05 pm
Discussions upon being open


For those who haven't read previously, in order to follow this, it might be helpful to note that my wife and I have an open marriage. We began as swingers and progressed to completely opening our relationship - allowing each other to have our own extra-marital relationships.

Swinging served to help us realize a few things about ourselves and our desires. One thing we found out was that we completely trusted each other - a very important part of an open marriage. Neither of us has any doubt that the other is interested in finding a new mate. Part of the reason for this is because my wife and I have a relationship that is very much like a sister and brother - yep...we don't have sex any longer, which is one major reason we're open...to find sexual partners that excite us.

Look, my wife and I, after 15 years of marriage, realized that we really weren't sexually compatible. We didn't really find each other all that delectable in bed and we'd pretty much stopped having sex save for an occasonal attempt, which always turned out terribly unsatisfying. According to society and our horrible entertainment world, we should have been arguing like cats and dogs, hating each other, and wanting to cheat on each other like crazy. However, we were far from any of that...we loved, and still love each other - truly we're the best of friends! We have the same long term goals involving each other that we have always had. We have a couple of wonderful kids. Why on earth would we want to break things off just due to sex issues when the rest of our lives were so great?

So we chose to open our minds and look for other answers to our problem. Therapy was the first - again, staying pretty much in the rails of normal society. It showed us why we were having the sexual issues, but didn't fix anything. That's where swinging came in. Swinging was great fun, but it lacked in romance and passion. So that's when we opened our marriage and allowed each other to find partners outside our union for sex and companionship.

Up until our recent move to a new state, we'd both been monogamous with our own chosen lover for about 2 years. It took a few false starts with folks we met through a number of different routes (including AdultFriendFinder), but eventually, we found our own fantastic dating and sex partners with whom we connected very well. They both understood our position and both were not interested in anything more than a dating relationship.

Now we're out looking again. I'm more proactive...looking actively here on AdultFriendFinder. The wife takes more of a laid-back approach - she prefers to meet people in her daily life.

So did we love our open partners? Yes, in our way we did. Look, there are far more kinds of love than we have words for in our language - and that's a real shame. For instance, we have one word, but there's love for our parents, for our children, for our cars, for our spouse, for our pets...imagine each one and you will feel something different. So try to imagine a love for a friend with whom you're intimate. It is deep and powerful...so yes, we cared for and loved our partners, we just didn't want to live with them and they didn't want to live with anyone else, either.

So open was right for us. And hopefully, someday, we'll both find someone else who understands our position and wishes to be our friend. Until then...guess I'll just keep searching and blogging!

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