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What is true
What is true
I often wonder what is the truth...
A long time ago my husband once told me that he was faking his orgasm. I know now that this was just a silly little lie he told me to insult me during an arguement but the comment he made is still on my mind.
I wonder if his sexual attraction for me is real or fake. If his kisses are genuine. Can his eyes lie?
I have been wanting to have sex with him more often than usual. I don't know if it is because I want sex or just to prove to myself that I am wanted by him. Sometimes he turns me down. When this happens I tend to think that I am right about my fears and that he really doesn't want me anymore...and then I try NOT to initiate sex between us because I hate being rejected. I mean who really likes it?
I wish I could feel confident, to know his feelings are genuine. I wish I knew the truth. Is my husband still sexually attracted to me or not? It's a little embarrassing and lonely thinking that he could be faking it. But, I feel safe writing about it here because I can be anonymous.
If he has lost his feelings for me I wish he would just tell me and we could move forward with our lives. I think we both deserve to be with someone who is genuine. Whether that be each other or a new person.
But then I think maybe I am worrying over nothing. I should be more patient. I don't know. Maybe it is myself I should be worried about....why have I been so curious about sex? It's not like I just started having sex last week...Maybe it is hormonal.
4/25/2006 12:56 am
LOL he faked his orgasms LOL Reminds me of an old quote:|
Sure, a woman can fake an orgasm, but it takes a man to fake a whole relationship.
I guess that may be the synopsis of your fears. I can certainly relate. I don't think feelings get lost -- they get challenged, abused, hidden, and changed perhaps but lost? I suspect he loves you. Only you can say if he's "in love" with you. Your fears are simply that. Is he still attracted? Am I still attractive? Normal fears hun.
My guess is he's invalidating you, to make you small and more controllable. True love occurs when another validates you. Now, he could have his fears too.
There's a chorus from Hootie and the Blowfish (Hannah Jane):
You don't wanna be alone
You don't wanna see the sun go down
You don't wanna open the door
And see her go
One step and tomorrow comes - Here's tomorrow
Two steps and she's off with someone - there she goes
Three steps and it's all you know - you'll be old, she'll be gone
Time marches on hun. We get older and wonder is this all there is? Is it enough? I can't overcome my past in my marriage so it dies. She's unhappy, I'm unhappy, and reconciliation has been replaced with resentment.
Am I "in love" with my wife? No. Do I love her? Always.
Does she love me? I have no idea but plenty of doubt. So it's pretty much down to exit strategy now. No longer is the whole better than the sum of the parts. The one should become two. We'll heal and hopefully thrive. Fear can be quite crippling.
You have a better situation from what I can tell. Is it the sex you're curious about or is it something else? I sense your passion which would make it less about sex, more about intimacy, and the consideration that maybe your hunger is for more from your life to experience, to connect, and to fulfill. What ever it is you seek, I hope you find it to be more and better than you imagined.
Here's to your bright future!