Another year  

Secrets733 43F
224 posts
1/1/2006 6:02 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Another year

Another year of being in a dead end relationship.
Another year of petty bickering and argueing.
Another year of not being in control of my own life.
Another year of tolerating mistreatment.
Another year alone, crying.
Another year of thinking of others needs instead of my own.
Another year of being too cowardly to change.
Another year being a robot with no feeling, an empty shell

Will I be good this year? I doubt that I can survive in the darkness another year


muscles4u2have 55M
1642 posts
1/3/2006 8:45 am

It is a new year! It is your life! You are the one that has to take control of it and you can do it! Think positive about the new year, thinking negetive never accomplishes any thing. Start with one goal at a time and try to acheive it. Good luck and this will be a better year .


Secrets733 43F

1/3/2006 1:30 pm

Oh, I'm just ticked because I envy all the single people who can flirt and date as much as they like. Changing partners like they change clothes. I miss the excitement of a new relationship. Yet, I don't envy the rejections that sometimes come along with dating. I know my husband loves me to a certain degree, but sometimes I wonder if his actions are fake just to keep the peace between us. When I feel that way, I want a new partner who is actually interested in me. But I don't have the courage to go through with a divorce. What if I don't find anyone I am compatible with out there in the world? I especially don't want to throw away a good marriage because I have paranoid thoughts that my husband may be faking his love towards me or that he has been unfaithful when I really am not certain of the facts. So I remain in limbo, sometimes I have negative thoughts...I know it gets me nowhere...


L00kin4Passion 56M
61 posts
1/4/2006 3:07 am

I can relate to where you are as it sounds like where I've been. I sure hope though that it's not so easy for single people to change partners as clothes. See that would suggest meaningless relationships and that just seems so unfulfilling -- in which case maybe where you're at is better.

Your limbo sounds like my indifference, which, is where I was and don't wish on anyone. Don't spend too much time in limbo hun -- it's not neutral because time and life marches on while your stopped waiting for the light. Nowhere is not much of a destination.

Love cannot endure indifference. It needs to be wanted. Like a lamp, it needs to be fed out of the oil of another's heart, or its flame burns low.
~ by Henry Ward Beecher ~

Take whatever time you need to figure out what's best for you. I've read your blog for some time now and it's clear you are special, sincere, and deserving of far more than limbo. But I can't wave a wand and make your stars line up for your happiness. That's something we each have to do for ourselves.

Your year will be better because you will make it so -- in your way and in your time. I hear the wonderful woman in your writing as well as the struggle of which I am familiar. Take advantage of all the resources you have available to you to find your way.

Remember good and bad advice are in abundance here. I'd like to think I have some good advice for you. I won't be forcing it upon you beyond what you see here. As I trudge down the path I've chosen, ask me what ever you think you need to and I will answer as best as I can.

There. Now you have at least one outside resource (found in the land of YAH by the same handle).

Be especially good to yourself and work on the stuff that meets your needs best. Thank you for you blog and good luck.


muscles4u2have 55M
1642 posts
1/4/2006 11:49 am

Secrets,

Your post as of the 3rd, is why there are alot of people on this site. Relationships can get stagnat, if their partner is not willing to make it passionate,loving and exciting. Having that exciting passion of making love to some one for the first time, is always in the back of everyone's mind. It lasts for awhile and then seems to drift away with time. I think lots of people dream of their soul mate, but most will not find it, so we make do with what we have. Scared to make a move to find it. The question lies in your happieness, what is it going to take to make you happy. Not what does it take to make him happy. It is your life and it is to short not to live it the way you would like. Hopefully you will decide what it is that you want out of life to make you happy. At least you have found friends here that understand your feelings. It is good for you to put it out in the open, instead of bottling it up. I hope your heart leads you in the right direction. I too have been exacttly where you are today. Good luck!!


Become a member to create a blog