Roommate Wars II - Attack of the Idiot Son !  

Scott_in_Tulsa 44M
1611 posts
7/27/2006 9:15 am

Last Read:
7/27/2006 9:25 am

Roommate Wars II - Attack of the Idiot Son !


J's son decided to come to my work today and teach me that lesson he promised. He learned a lesson himself instead.

This morning I was out in the yard at work, supervising some material relocation when J's son and 3 of his friends show up. They confront me telling me they are going to teach me proper respect right here and now in the yard unless I am willing to apologize.

I thought about it for a minute, smiled and said "I’m sorry your mother has such an idiot for a son. I'm sorry I didn't kick your ass last night. “They’re all looking at one another waiting to see who's going to take the first shot at me. I continue on with my tirade "I’m sorry I have to waste my time with you. I’m sorry your friends had to see me teach you this lesson. And finally I’m sorry you're about to get your asses kicked and your car is about to get turned upside down." I point behind them to where there are the other 5 guys on my crew standing between the yard gate and J's friends, behind them, D is driving the forklift and has J's friend's car in tow, and is using our pull chain to lift the back end high off the ground.

I guess I forgot to warn them , that the first thing I did when I got to work was tell the crew what was going on and if he J's son showed up, how I wanted things handled.

J's son and friends look like they're ready to crap their pants.

I explain the situation to them. "Ok fellas here's how it is. See that big container over there?" That big red box is my scrap steel container, After I stuff your bodies back into your car and drop it in there, I’ll call the scrap yard to come run it all through the shredder. By the time they discover they ran several hundred pounds of meat through the shredder, there won't be anything recognizable as human without extensive DNA sampling"

At this point I’m bluffing my ass off and hoping to God none of them has a gun and is ready to try to shoot his way out of this.

The forklift isn't big enough to lift a car completely off the ground high enough to drop it into the steel container. The scrap yard doesn't accept whole automobiles without them being processed first. Gas tanks and batteries have to be removed, plus I'd need a bill of sale or the title. And while I’m sure my crew would be happy to kick ass in my name, I doubt they'd be willing to commit murder for me.

However luck is on my side, they're not smart enough to figure out the holes in my bluff. They immediately turn on J's son and start calling him an idiot and cussing him for getting them all killed. My crew has stepped forward and are now within arms length of J's son and his friends.

I decide to let them off the hook. "Ok fellas, what's it going to be? I don't have all day here. Shall we all agree J's son is and idiot, shake hands and part company. Or do I have my secretary call in for a scrap pickup?”

All of them except J's Son are like "yeah its kewl, we were just kidding around"

I motion to D to lower the car gently. They hop in and leave.

We have a good laugh at their expense. I'm told I’m buying lunch and the beers after work. I'm fine with that!

I suspect this isn't over yet, but i will probably have a day or two before the idiot tries something new, and i doubt he'll have many friends willing to try a direct confrontation again.

"We are all worms, but i like to think of myself as a glow-worm" - Winston Churchill


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