life  

SaucyTart_36 47F
128 posts
3/5/2006 3:57 pm

Last Read:
3/8/2006 5:31 pm

life


I started to see a NLP therapist two weeks ago. Neuro Linguistic Programming - it is the theory that you can reprogram your brain, sorta like a computer. She pegged me bang on first meeting. Knew my soft spots, why I have so many hard spots, all of it. It was sorta freaky and nice at the same time. If there was ever a man that got that close that quickly I would either run or marry him.

And she is helping. I do not want to rehash all of the shit I went through as a kid or with men after that. I just know that I want to be fixed. And she is helping me fix me.

The two issues I went to her with - my weight and allowing men to treat me like shit. Ohhh how related the two are.

She guided me through a process where I saw me as I want to be. Had me describe how I stood, what I wore, did I eat differently than now, all of it. I have created this "person" in my head and go to her for advice now on eating and exercise. She is me, just in the near future.

She asked me something but in my head I heard the question "if you could take off the fat-suit and walk out of the door looking the way you want, would you?" the answer strangely was no.

Now is where men come in. I make shitty choices. I fall for men that only want sex (what a concept on AdultFriendFinder). I go for guys that are emotionally unavailable and then try to change them. I try to convince them how loveable I am - instead of convincing me and not putting up with them!

So, this is going to be a process. Strenthening my self-concept and self-esteem. Learning to set boundaries, and be ok with that.

Do I want the fat-suit gone? Yep!!!

Am I "ready" for it" Not yet

Am I working on it? YES

I was with a very special man a week ago that held me in his arms and said to me "Hey, you're beautiful!" with as more honesty and tenderness then I can remember. This man touched my soul, has helped me to heal and be stronger. I do not know if he knows this, if he reads this, he will!

I feel better about me right now than I ever have. Life is short, I do not want to spend it alone or miserable.

I would like to find a man to enjoy life with and have a child with. Yep, that is what I want. Best friend and lover!

He is out there, I just have to prepare myself for him.

budwin3 66M

3/5/2006 4:21 pm

You go girl,I think that you first have to realize that you are someone who has alot to offer and that you also deserve to recieve love and happiness . Its whats inside that most maters. remember that and don't take anything less . Good luck and keep believeing in you


loadeddice05 44M

3/5/2006 4:56 pm

Nice comment budwin3! You know saucytart he's right! Start loving yourself and your weight will stop being an issue! Good luck! stating over!!


TrueTxGtlman 53M

3/7/2006 6:21 am

All I can say is once you find away to like who you are all the men you want and desire will be begging to be someone in your life. From what I read from your blog I can see the beautiful woman you want to be is in there. You have my thoughts and prayers towards your goals.

Live life day to day and fill it with as much love as you can and have no regrets..

*TTG*


SaucyTart_36 47F

3/8/2006 6:28 am

Thanks for your comments. It means much to me that someone that does not know me takes the time to respond on here. I am learning to really love and respect me.

I was out last week with a guy - funny, smart, handsome, pushy. He didn't like the word no even when it came to kissing. If he can't respect that request then he doesn't respect me. If he doesn't respect me I don't want to see him again.

She asked me yesterday if I would take off the fat suit and I felt ready to. I could actually imagine me walking out of the door in my cowboy boots, cute jeans and cropped sweater. That is what I envision me in.

I have decided to spend 30 min every evening getting ready for the next day - clothes, food, peaceful time.

I will also be recording everything I eat or drink in a journal.

Thanks for the encouragement, it means alot to me.


TrueTxGtlman 53M

3/8/2006 7:26 am

YEAH FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SMCHES for you

If you ever need an old married man to chat with about anything you can always email me and I will listen and answer anything you need to ask. We are not a match on here but no need that we can't try and be there for one another if needed.


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