Tough love....  

Sarcasmistress 46F
220 posts
7/25/2006 1:49 pm

Last Read:
7/27/2006 9:04 am

Tough love....

A conversation I had a lunch got me to thinking about how much of our lives are governed by the whims of fate, serendipity, or coincidence, and how many events in my life could fairly be attributed to that. This is possibly the weirdest and most inexplicable one.

In December 1994, I had a doctor tell me I had herpes. I was 24. I had never had any symptoms but I had dated a guy who had it, so it made sense to me. It nearly devastated me, made me question my value as a person, made me feel dirty, soiled, all that stuff. I made many decisions based upon that idea, truly believing I was not good enough for some people. I never approached a couple of guys I really liked who I thought really liked me. Trust me, for a chick who had self-image and self-worth issues *before* this, it was not a helpful development.

The practical upshot of the whole thing was I had to teach myself to have self-esteem and value that I never thought I had *before* I had a loathsome disease. The whole Stewart Smalley "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me" thing. Without going into expansive detail -- again -- I think I finally achieved that in some measure last fall.

Based upon some discussions I had with two of my friends in February, I decided to get retested. And guess what?

I never had herpes at all...

I just thought I did for eleven years because a doctor told me I did.

Let me repeat that: eleven years.

In any case, I honestly believe I never would have learned some of the lessons I have if not for that erroneous belief. I know I would not be in Atlanta now, that's for sure.

Let me make this abundantly clear: I do not, in fact, have herpes and my heart goes out to y'all who do. Not an easy road, I know. I have no idea why I was given this reprieve *now*, or at all for that matter. It is too insane and inexplicable to contemplate.

The result is that since I got my good news, I have been nearly fucking fearless when it came to dating and meeting new people. After years of feeling like a second-class citizen, I was suddenly as good as everyone else, both as a potential dating person and as a person in general.

Again, don't know why this happened or why I was released now. I can only guess that sometimes we gotta get the tough love to learn.

elbman 41M  
2566 posts
7/25/2006 11:26 pm

Yeah but now you have Seriouslies....ewwwwww

getenpersinal 36M
1421 posts
11/27/2006 8:26 am

Freedy Johnston: "I know I got a Bad Reputation, and it isn't just"savetheplanet

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