For my Big Brother.  

Sarcasmistress 46F
220 posts
7/21/2006 5:42 am

Last Read:
7/22/2006 3:18 pm

For my Big Brother.

Today, five years ago, my Big Brother died.

His name was Marty, but for some inexplicable reason, I grew up calling him Buddy. He was eleven years older than me, nine years older than my other brother. He called me various names, but mostly, just "Little sisser." I don't know why, but there it was.

I don't think a little sisser was ever as attached to someone the way I was attached to him. I regularly embarrassed him when he was in high school in the same building where I was in grade school, screaming his name and running up to him while he was chatting up some girl. I was mad at him for a week for not taking me to his junior prom.

He was more like a dad to me than my father ever was. Sadly, he was a young adult when disco roller skating was an acceptable social activity, and he was *damn* good at it. I remember he used to take me with him when he was home on leave, and I'd be shuffling along when he'd whip past me going a hundred miles an hour. I can't hear an ELO song to this day without thinking about him skating.

He is singlehandedly responsible for me being the Star Trek nerd I am today. I will never forget, as long as I live, watching him freak out when I bet everything I had on a question playing a trivia game at a Star Trek convention. I ended up winning the trivia contest and I don't think even me making law review later could have made him any prouder of his little sister.

He left home when he was seventeen and joined the Navy, a move for which I can hardly blame him. He did his basic training at the Great Lakes Naval Station, only two hours away from where we lived at the time. One year, he was supposed to be coming home for Christmas. We had a huge rock that sat at the end of our driveway, and I sat on that rock all night, in the freezing weather, looking down the road for his car to turn the corner toward our house. Unknown to us, he got held up and wasn't going to make it that night. So I sat on that rock, waiting for his car for hours, but it never came home.

On the morning he died, I watched from the window of my mother's living room as the folks from the funeral home came to get him, rolling the stretcher with his body into the hearse and pulling away. And all I could think of was sitting on that rock, knowing that part of me, from that day on, would always be there now, waiting on a car that wasn't going to come.

For my brother, I can only say this. I loved my Buddy, more than I loved anyone in my life. He was my biggest fan, loudest cheerleader and staunchest supporter. He and I were more alike than anyone else in our family and, with only rare exceptions, we were always close to each other, even - probably especially - when everything was falling apart around us. He did his best to protect his little sister, even from very, very far away. Were it not for him, I doubt I'd be who I am now, half as happy or even remotely as healthy. He shielded me as best he could, and always reminded me that, no matter what, there was at least one person in this world who truly and dearly loved me just as I was. He is the only reason that today I have even the vaguest idea of what love really is. And for that, I am and always will be grateful.

I love you, Buddy, and still miss you like hell. Hope you're having fun with Elvis and Dr. McCoy, and try not to bug Gene Roddenberry too much. I will see you again someday, but in the meantime, know that I am safe, happy and loved, and that above all else, I am okay. Thanks in very large part to you.

You have been, and always shall be, my Big Brother. Live long and prosper.

Seriously_Real 48M

7/21/2006 7:02 am

You are more than okay, my love. But I'm going to make sure he knows it, too. And when I do, you can be sure that I will thank him for all that he was for you.

elbman 41M  
2566 posts
7/21/2006 7:06 am

He's still watching over you......

TheRealThing655 48F
9558 posts
7/21/2006 9:47 am

What a beautiful and yet sad story. You are lucky to have experienced this kind of love from a brother, and you never forget.
Thank you for sharing your story.

sexyariesgirl 57F

7/21/2006 7:40 pm


Power To FOK

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