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Puppets on a string.
Puppets on a string.
An open letter to two friends.
My dear Friend,
I am double your years, and maybe not so double. but does that make me wiser? No, sadly it does not. If I truly knew what was the wise course to set, I should have sailed that sea long ago. Only you can judge. Only you can decide.
And you must not fail to decide. You must not allow time to pass without a clear and determined path. Or you may find yourself my age and no wiser. Like me. (humor)
Life is short. Precious. To be used. That I have learned.
Love, true love, is precious beyond measure. I have learned this as well.
Lust of life. The sex, the 'go see', the 'go do', the sports one pursues, the books read, the songs sung. The children birthed and raised up. The extreme delight of YOUR family to be, your mate, your children, if there are to be. None of this must be denied. I have learned this. Precious.
These words are over used, trite, but here, please believe my earnestness. Precious beyond measure.
So then you must decide now. Now, or soon now.
Four years is too long to pass. Six months are too long a time. Dusts of gold slipping through your fingers as an hourglass marks the passage of time. Gold dust unrecoverable, blown about by the wind.
You must find the answer that is most likely inside of you already. I suspect one will wed and the other not. Because these two unmet people share a planet and little else except the extremes of intelligence and sensitivity.
I help myself to make decisions by playing imaginary games. I'm in theatre. I can be very good at it. Especially with and within myself.
You each have the building blocks of all the bits of information that you need. Stack the blocks up, do they form the warm richness of the domicile that YOU wish to reside in. That YOU wish for yourself. Imagine yourself awakening with. Imagine it richly with detail. Does it buoy yourself? Does it soothe? Does it disappoint. Now don't imagine things that are not. People cannot be changed. They may change themselves, rarely. But no one can change another to fit.
Imagine yourself absolutely without, they have died! Relief? Bereft? Some combination?
Imagine the birth of your child and being welded to this person for the twenty years of this child's passage to adult. Marriage? Divorce? Piffle! Little torn shreds of paper! Welded to each other by the sharing of a birth. Twenty years.
You may be too old or too young or never wish to have such, but IMAGINE it. You may.
Imagine the little things, coffee in the morning, working in the garden, write your own.
These little scenarios played out within may prove nothing. You may not be particularly good at it. You may not have the scenario that captures you and instructs you. Find your own. But it may. It may make you jump up like you were bitten on the ass.
You know already, you just need to see it.
You must. Now. If at all possible, know whether you can live with him and be FULLY content. If at all possible you must know if you can live, live without her. Or either of you will regret the decision or the lack of decision the rest of your life. This so short, this so precious, time of doing and loving. Fleeting. Gold dust slipping through your fingers.
THERE ARE NO OTHERS.
THERE ARE NO OTHERS. They, that infamous word, are not you. They do not have your, YOUR, best interest at heart. 'They' have their best interest at heart. At your expense, if it pleases, them.
Within a family, look only one level up, your parents. Look only one level down, your children.
Ask them. If you have seen what you must do. Sit and talk and ask them. Not the uncles, the brothers, just your two parents. Privately, quietly, so the pressures are not bought to bear of uncles, and brothers. Talk.
From an old adage. 'A bird may love a fish but where would they build a home?' Where indeed? Think.
Two things. Good luck, a huge generous portion.
Forgive me, for my meddlesome ways.
And because this other friend of mine has oft treated me to some of his wisdom in my travels....
1. The Road Not Taken
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
8/29/2006 12:19 am
*smiles* ..Beautifully said...|
8/30/2006 9:36 am
*You must not allow time to pass without a clear and determined path. Or you may find yourself my age and no wiser.
That is so tender and beautiful Sailor,
Its so easy to find ourselves up in our years and still we do not know the direction we need to take. I wonder how many here on this site can say that? I have finally found mine, not a moment too soon.
For one of my friends to have 'found their way', pleases me, reassures me no end.
Best damned thing you could have said to me today.
8/31/2006 9:45 pm
Permisson to come on board!
I'm here for the coffe you promised.
Let me tell you that first of all, your friends are lucky to have someone like you and thankful for your advice. I'm sure it hit the spot. We seldom take the road less traveled, don't we?
The woods are lovely dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And mile to walk before I sleep,
And miles to walk before I sleep.
Another famos verse from Robert Frost which I have been quoting to a friend of mine in Germany since our college years.
We live by our own convictions. That's what makes us who we are. THEY cannot tell us who we are because They are They and only We are We.
Perhaps one day I will look back at the divergence in the road as well and say to myself, "I am happy with the path I chose."
I pray I have the wisdom and courage to do just that.
Sail on Sailor, with a freind in every port you will always feel at home.
9/2/2006 3:29 am
A wonderful, heartfelt post ... |
Yesterday, a man in my neighborhood threw out an old spinning jenny. My heart actually quickened when I saw it, my smile so wide, I thought it might split my face in two. I knocked on his door and asked if he would mind if I took it. "Absolutely," he said, "what are two gay men going to do with something like that ... "
A useless, piece of junk to him ... but indeed, my treasure ...