nothing left unsaid, undone ..tag your it  

SacredStarDance
4888 posts
3/23/2006 10:43 pm
nothing left unsaid, undone ..tag your it

I had a very strange day today.. kinda up and down mood wise.
It was due to being tagged... first the frustration of not being able to jump in and tag back and a few others due to I can't get the html to work.. the key on the bottom bar just freezes..oh well.. and as I was working on it.. Hubby saw it and gave me the " blogging again look"...Little did I know He knew what to expect through out the day..
He called me from work later in the afternoon, asked how I was doing, I said ok.. but why was he asking... His tone of voice gave away a certain twinge down my spine. He said " let me call you right back.. but dont answere the phone, I will leave a message.. check it it in a few moments.

So a few moments later I checked my message.. and I hear his voice say " TAG YOUR IT..CALL ME ".. as soon as I heard the message... my mood.. feeling uneasy, unclear, unfocus made perfect sense..

My older brother use to call me all the time.. and that was always the message he would leave.

He died 3 yrs ago... sudden heart attack.. 47 yrs old mowen his grass. We were very close.. lived 3 blocks from one another.. He was my shopping buddy..my secret keeper..we went shopping together at target two days before he died.. He seemed happier then I had seen him in a long while.

The next day he called... "tag your it". I put off calling him that night..
The nest morning I got the call.. I went to the hospital... way to calm.. thinking no big deal he's fine.. Until I told the nurse at the desk who was there for.. I could tell by the look on her face.. all I could think was NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I wished I would of tagged him back

It took my Husband to help me figure out what put me in a funk.. Maybe i'm still in denile that he is gone... The Tag game brought it back.. a good thing..
maybe there was a reason the htlm were not working for me.. I don't know and yes I have been rambling here.. a blog thing.. But I'm gonna take it as.. My brother is with me blogging.. and TAG YOUR IT

I have learned to have nothin unsaid.. we never know and words .. what ever they are.. are soo important... time is of the essence. I have in the past year or so... making sure that if somthing happens to me.. there is no un answered questions.. nothing left unsaid in my marriage or with friends...so this is the second..weird thing about me.

I dont mean to be a downer.. but if you have somthing that needs to be said.. say it! blog it.. tag it...

still gonna get in this tag thing


under the stars
We choose to write
you choose what you comprehend.
read twice and be nice
every key stroke... has a heart beat



ProtonicMan 47M

3/29/2006 7:51 pm

MrsMuffland,

This was another nice post. I think it's cool that your husband understood what was going on inside you. He sounds like a real gem.

You wrote that he seemed happier than he had been in a long while. Some of the studying I have been doing the last few years has really changed my perspective on death. I had a former coworker who died about almost a year ago, in a freak tractor accident. When I went to the funeral home, I felt no remorse for him, since he had always been a happy, energetic, fun person. He loved his family, he loved his new dream home. His widow said had everything he wanted in life. Basically, from his "inner being's" perspective, he had done what he came to do in this physical time/space reality, and he was ready to go back to the place of pure love and joy. Perhaps this was similar for your brother?

Hugs,

TJ


SacredStarDance replies on 3/30/2006 11:34 pm:
TJ... Thanks for another wonderful comment.. I will def. visit your blogs soon.
We had just recently learned about my Brothers happiness before he passed.. and I will blog it soon.. warning a tear jerker.. but a happy one that has helped me find soooooooooooooo much peace that yes indeed he was young but his life was complete and happy

EVERY1LUVSFRECKS 50F
21 posts
3/26/2006 10:08 am

Well I have been missing out on blogs and friends it seems lately. I always come and read your blogs because you are a dear sweet friend to me and it helps me feel close to you when I can't spend time with you. Some will read this and think.........whooooooohooooooooooo they have sumthin goin on and yep we do one of the greatest friendships in my life. Hahahaha ya pervs thought I was gonna say sumthin else huh. I lost my bestfriend, my uncle to sudden heart attack when he was 41. I woke up from a dream that someone had told me he had passed at the very moment he was pronounced dead.Only days before he had left a message on my door that he wanted to see me and my daughter and I was so busy dealing with work and motherhood that I never made the time. It was 15 yrs ago today that he left. I felt abanded but it was his time. I also felt anger and regret but I know he's with me everyday looking over me and loving me just the same. Thank you for sharing such wonderful things with us and this has helped me on today one of the hardest days to remember. Love ya g/f and miss ya

FRECKS


SacredStarDance replies on 3/26/2006 9:03 pm:
frecksssssssssssssssssssssss.. what a wonderful friend you are.. you always surprise me.. When do you have the time with the blogs.. glad your here.
Tell the kids there grounded..

Love you g/f dayum.. you know I'm gonna call you now and will be on the phone forever.. miss you

SacredStarDance

3/24/2006 4:11 pm

wild,,, this is sooooooooooooooo true...sorry about your lost

3noangels.. Don't be sorry at all... He is still my brother.. still lives in my heart and I have been tagged by friends...

under the stars
We choose to write
you choose what you comprehend.
read twice and be nice
every key stroke... has a heart beat


wildoats19622 54M
3483 posts
3/24/2006 11:40 am

I lost my dad in 1990. I remember our last conversation like it was yesterday.

Some things you never forget.

Some things you never want to forget.

Wild

Crosswords increase your vocabulary. Cross words increase your blood pressure.


SacredStarDance

3/24/2006 11:22 am

Firestarter... what a wonderful thought... thankyou

under the stars
We choose to write
you choose what you comprehend.
read twice and be nice
every key stroke... has a heart beat


firestarter665 42M/39F

3/24/2006 7:40 am

Thanks for sharing. It is difficult to be reminded of things that make us sad. Maybe do a "tag" post in honor of your brother.

Hugs to you!!


SacredStarDance

3/24/2006 6:42 am

Lagano, Thanks. I think we all come to a point we realize we can't take back time and change our actions.. so we need to let it go.. He knew I loved him as I'm sure your Mother knew as well.We just need to find peace in it and let go.

Thanks

libgem, Thanks.. I'm "FINE".. Love that.hmmmm well that takes care of the other 4 weird things about me.lol. huggssssssssssssssssssss

under the stars
We choose to write
you choose what you comprehend.
read twice and be nice
every key stroke... has a heart beat


3noangels 58G

3/24/2006 6:07 am

We are now so sorry we tagged you again, that was so beautiful, and not a downer.. It is why we love you so much, and those few that we call friends.. we have many acqaintnces, but few friends.. You are on the top of that list..

Hugs N Kisses


libgemOH 56M/52F

3/24/2006 5:12 am

Sweetie, screw the tag thing....and thank you so much for sharing that part of you with us and me! I have a HUGE smile on my face and tears in my eyes and they are good tears!

It truly amazes me how something little, a silly game, a song, a poem, a picture, anything can remind us of our loved ones gone. My sister sent me a silly little card with the definition of FINE (Fucked up * Insecure * Neurotic * Emotional) a few weeks ago and since then, my father has been on my mind and I've been smiling and crying and missing him.

Tag is just a silly game. It's the sharing that counts. Love and hugs to you sister! -B


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