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Ending of Friendship
Ending of Friendship
**Note to myself.
It has been a very long and grueling night for me. I'm not even sure where to start. I guess that I have lost a friendship that meant a great deal to me. And it wasn't my choice. That really kicks you in the ass. I have tried very hard to treat other people with respect, with dignity, like they are adults and capable of sitting down and talking things out. Only to come to the realization that I have given most people - especially those closest in my life - way too damn much credit.
I guess I should attempt to explain some of this. Not because I want to air my dirty laundry in 'public' ... but because writing about it helps me to 'classify' things ... deal with situations ... cope with my fucked up life.
Yesterday, I had to run over to the school, and drop off some money for my daughter. Apparently the school claimed that she did not pay her class dues as a Freshman, and now was not allowed her prom invitation until it was paid. I remember paying the dues in her Sophomore year ... $15 ... in cash ... and stupid me ... I forgot to ask for a receipt.
Anyway, I get home from that ... and find this sent to me on Yahoo Messenger: m*****: If you have trouble with the way I raise me family Say it don't have the kids Act the way they are at school Bre Mad at Alyssa Because for the babysitting. I think it's best if Ali Finds her way to the prom and Not ride with Jr and Ash. and I also think it's time we take a nice BIG break From Begin family friends..Good Bye and good Luck ******.
This was sent from my best friend. We became friends after our daughters met in school and became friends. I did not have, nor do I have now, any idea what the f**k she is talking about. I am completely dumbfounded. Should I respond? Should I confront her? Should I try everything to get to the bottom of this??
So .. I spend a sleepless night, trying to make sense out of this. My girls and I had an extensive talk about this. They have no idea where this is coming from either. So, after my grueling night ... I have reached some conclusions. I will send her one letter. I will explain once what I know of the facts. She can read it. Burn it. Throw it away. Whatever. I am not putting myself or my family through another ordeal initiated by her. Here is the letter I have written:
You said that I should not have the kids ‘act’ like they are at school. I really don’t know what that means. I have not told them to act any differently than they usually do. I have told them many times that they should treat Ash, Alyssa, and Megan like sisters. And Ryan like a brother. Because to me, that is what families should do. I have not ‘instructed’ them to do anything, or act any differently than they usually do.
First of all, Ali and Breanna were not acting any different than they usually do in school. I talked to them about this situation. This is Ali’s version. Ali and Breanna were in the cafeteria eating breakfast. Megan came in, got her breakfast and sat down with them. Then Ash and Alyssa came in and sat down. Ali said she finished breakfast, and got up to leave. Both Ash and Alyssa went out with her. Alyssa went over to talk to Winnie Hunter, Brian Novak, and some others. And Ali and Ash hung out until the bell rang.
This is Breanna’s version. Breanna said that she was eating breakfast. Ali got up to leave, and Ash and Alyssa went out with her. She didn't know why Alyssa didn't stay with her, but it didn't bother her that Alyssa left. She said later, Winnie Hunter came up to her, and said that Alyssa was telling everybody ‘Watch out for Breanna, she’s really mad today.’ Breanna hadn’t even talked to her yet. How the hell did Alyssa know whether Breanna was mad or not?? Is it because Breanna was eating, probably had her mouth full, and didn’t have a chance to talk to Alyssa? I had a long talk with Breanna before any of this happened, and she understood that she cannot baby-sit with Alyssa. I explained that if the parents of the kids call and ask that might be different. And then we would ALL discuss it. She was not upset about it at all. And she understood.
So now we come to lunch, and you pick up Alyssa. I know that you picked her up, because I saw you drop her off. I assume she also told you that Breanna was mad at her. Mad about the babysitting thing. Which, was NOT true. And then you send me a note in Yahoo Messenger, that I read as saying that you don’t want to be friends anymore, that Ali can’t ride with JR and Ash to the prom, and that basically you don’t want our families to have anything to do with each other anymore. I must admit that you forbidding Ali to ride with JR and Ash to the prom ‒ only TWO days before the event ‒ did quite upset me. Ali is very upset too. She doesn’t understand why she is being punished for something she is not even involved in.
We went through this shit before. It was Alyssa and Breanna that time too. I don’t even remember what it was all about … and I honestly don’t care. I thought that after all that, you and I had learned to sit down and talk, instead of flying off the handle about the shit between our kids. Back then you punished everyone too, for the crap between two teenage girls. And you are punishing all of us again. I believed then as I do now … these girls have so many emotions running around inside them. They do not know how to handle their feelings. Feelings of frustration, love, anger, hurt, confusion, jealousy … whatever. Children learn by the EXAMPLES their parents show them. How we as parents deal with situations, shows them how they should deal with situations that they may face.
Instead, in my opinion, you are acting like a little child. You are blowing this whole thing way out of proportion. Instead of telling me what you think I have done, and talking about it like adults, you fly off the handle and ‘terminate’ our friendship. You are acting like I pulled your hair on the playground.
I thought our friendship meant more to you. So now I see that I was wrong. It certainly means more to me, or it did until yesterday. So, I am going to say my peace in this letter. Hopefully you will read it. Actually read it. And then it’s over … done … finished.
I LOVE you like a sister. Since we have known one another, you have been closer to me than a sister. But I will abide by your wishes, and we will no longer be friends. That doesn’t mean that I won’t keep on loving you. But I can’t have this in my life. I have thought about this all night. Tried to figure out what the hell you are talking about. Since I still can't do that .... This (letter) is all I have to say on this matter. I had hoped that you and I were adults and could sit down and talk about things. The stress this has caused has aggravated some of my health issues. It is my choice to leave all of this behind me.
Last night I dropped off the candles you ordered from the Band fundraiser. Thank you for ordering. I hope you enjoy the candles. The girls will not be going to HL&R to help show goats. They will probably not show goats at the fair this year either.
I forgive you. I love you. I love Ray, Ashleigh, JR, Alyssa, Ryan, and Megan. Each of you mean so much to me. You will never know. However, I am not going to beg for your friendship. Your wish is granted.
So, Goodbye. Take care. Good Luck to you too. I will be praying for you still.
I refuse to stoop to begging for friendship. It's either there or it isn't. I am going to take care of me and my family. Whether this 'ourburst' is because her meds are not currently working or whatever ... I will not put myself through this anymore.
[color purple}Yes, her friendship and love meant a lot to me. But it's not worth risking my health over. And that is what I would be doing. So, I will take a deep breath ... slowly draw in ... slowly breathe out ... just let it go. I'll go back to my yoga to relieve the stress and prayers to soothe my spirit. And hopefully I will prevent the migraine that I can feel coming.
**Note to myself.
2/19/2006 1:14 pm
From what I can see, if the two of you were like sisters, you're clearly the older, more mature sister. I hope the two of you can regain your friendship, somehow. |
2/19/2006 9:30 pm
Thanks Tires. Normally, I would hope you are right, and I would work on making it happen. In the past several days, I have done much soul searching ... dug very deep to analyze what this friendship means to me. While it did mean a lot ... I can't keep putting my health and sanity on the line for her whims. Losing it does make me sad ... but I also feel a lot better about myself (for some reason). I know that is strange for many people. But that is where I'm at. |
I am moving on. At this point in my life, I need friends that can handle being adults, and not bury their frustrations with the other person .. but talk about problems as adults should. I don't think that is too much to ask.
Thanks for the kind words ... and for the visit.