Rod Tender: Tragic Hero  

RodTender 46M
90 posts
12/10/2005 11:14 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Rod Tender: Tragic Hero

At approximately 10:30 PM on December 8, 2005, catastrophe struck the House of Tender.

As the dashingly regal Rod Tender dressed in preparation for His usual nocturnal romp with the mischievous family of squirrels who reside in His crawlspace, He discovered that one of His Jack Purcell athletic shoes, or "sneakers" (the left) was missing. Fate, though she be lady (and, presumably, a sexy one) can be vexatious, and on this night, she callously sought to disestablish Rod Tender’s moonlit frolic with His hirsute sylvanian comrades.

10:35-11: 00 PM- An exhaustive search of the premises revealed nothing;

11: 05- A desperate post on the advice page of this "web-site” (Where is my Other Shoe) elicited numerous sympathetic responses, several of which were written by sexy ladies. But, alas, no indicia.

11:15 PM- 12:55 AM- A thoroughly savage and most unpropitious interrogation of the only viable suspect -said shoe's notorious accomplice (the right shoe) -yielded a string of tearful, but sadly unrelated confessions regarding the abduction of famous sexy lady Patty Hearst, and nothing more. Claims of questionable veracity from an unreliable source (Rod Tender's mittens) indicate that the shoe in question was last seen boarding a United Airlines flight to Algiers.

1: 00 AM- The squirrels are becoming impatient. Do they know the horrible truth? If their keen little noses smell Rod Tender's hysterical fear, they may turn on Him.

Aided by His quick wits, silver-tongue (this is a metaphor- Rod Tender is not a robot) and the innate limitations of the squirrels' feeble minds, Rod Tender survived the night, but faces an uncertain future. Frantic "calls” made via "tele-phonic device" to national and state law enforcement officials demanding that the throat-bearded gentleman from CSI initiate an exhaustive investigation forthwith proved as unfruitful as His plaintive entreaties for aid, issued from His crawlspace and directed at random passers-by.

What shall become of the morose, yet scintillatingly demiurgic Rod Tender? What sexy lady will have Him, with His left shoe entirely absent, and His right, with its laces methodically stretched and shredded, essentially unwearable?

Are His nightly episodes of capering into the wee hours with His arboreal rodent cohorts to be eternally forsaken and dishonored?

Enduring the agony of this, the enchantingly melancholic Rod Tender's Waterloo, may well leave even His manfully robust psyche in ruins, and in the foreseeable future, His days will likely be spent:
a) Mewling lugubriously in light of His calamitous loss;
And
b) Contemplating both the karmic justification for this insufferably cruel punishment, and sexy ladies (but not His love of sexy ladies, for Rod Tender is in mourning, and this would be disrespectful).

Thus, it is with a heavy heart that the quixotically magnanimous Rod Tender announces that the daily "Where in the World is Rod Tender?" feature on His "blog" will be suspended; He will remain secluded in His palatial Florida estate indefinitely, insofar as there is some broken glass by the stairs near Rod Tender’s front door.


jomcarex 32M

12/11/2005 12:57 am

Perhaps this is not the time and nary the place, however i do believe fate and Your little one may have coalesced to form the part of a higher calling. You see, it was that very circumstantial shoe post that led me to Your blog.I felt as though reality had shifted and engulfed my freedom of choice. I was made to follow in much the same way hansel and gretel were attracted to the candy house in the woods. Perhaps we are but peons Sir Tender, mere pawns in a chessgame whose hand governs who shall act next. But the question is, where IS your shoe?


RodTender 46M
140 posts
12/11/2005 11:06 am

Well spoken, sir. Indeed, Rod Tender has long considered the terrifyingly ostensible likelyhood that Jesus and/or The Great Cthulhu may be colluding to forever blot out the radiantly empyrean beacon to all persons sexy and lady-like that is Rod Tender. Perhaps, as familiar shibboleth suggests, the truth will out when the other something-or-other drops.


HORNYVIKING722 44M
1023 posts
12/11/2005 12:05 pm

Oh, come now, rod, admit that you're stretching the severity of this missing shoe, trust that I too have displayed my woes of a missing fashion accessory on this very site. It was my post, [post 131725]. Mind you, I mean no disrespect, sexy lady, the only reason that I dispute this is from your unauthorized biography, "Nosferatu", I distinctly remember that you never wore shoes. If you ever find yourself in danger from those squirrles, know that help is only a phone call away. May the rabbits of Hell be with you.


RodTender 46M
140 posts
12/11/2005 1:13 pm

-On this most somber of days, Rod Tender calls you "brother", and offers His sympathy, as well as an awkward handshake/pat on the back- type gesture of condolence (please refrain from hugging Rod Tender).

-After attempting to ameliorate His morbid condition by watching the Lifetime movie network for several days, Rod Tender has learned that:

a) His is a normal and healthy response to the grieving process. He can and will feel these feelings, which are as manly (110 as He.

b) This is what it sounds like when doves cry.

-At no point Has Rod Tender explicitly stated any intent to actually wear said shoes.


dasher121 36M

12/15/2005 5:17 am

Rod Tender, tho I share your love for sexy ladies and am not one myself, you are the man sir! The dude also bows his head to you in humble awe.


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