can't sleep again  

RockDrummerrr69 66M
8 posts
8/6/2006 12:58 am

Last Read:
4/14/2008 12:32 am

can't sleep again


well its another night of not being able to sleep.

Nick Cannons show is on MTV right now.

It's hard to turn off my over active mind. lately ofcourse the only thing I can think about (when I'm not keeping my self busy or interacting with other people) is my ex girlfriend and what went wrong. I'm gonna keep details out of this since it is public but I can say I am really glad that our feelings are mutual and that its not one of those one person hates the other situation. Alot of things about us matched up but I guess there were just a couple of important things that didn't line up. It's really sad because we almost got married, and before I met her, I was the guy that boasted about how I would never get married because I never met a woman that was remotely close to me in interests and desires (that wasn't like 15 years older than me lol)!

If she ever sees this profile on the net I would want her to know one thing, and this may sound crazy, but I have been spending large amounts of time on here reading and clicking and reading more and clicking more to keep my self occupied so I don't slip into a cycle of depression over our break up. When I lay idle, trying to sleep for example, I can only think of her (it hasn't even been a week since the break up). As for the asking for sex in some of my posts, like I said before I like to be direct, and sometimes a rebound can really be a good thing. If I do hook up with anyone on this site of course I will use protection. The main thing for me (mentally) is just the "thrill" of having messages like the ones I posted and to see if anyone responds. And if anyone does, I don't intend on leaving them hanging and feeling like a fool for replying to me. I'll atleast get to the point of a face to face meeting with anyone who wants. Ofcourse this doesn't mean I'm gonna fuck just anybody I meet. At this stage (atleast how I feel while writing this) is that just to have someone to hang out with might please me more than sex. We are really trying to remain friends and I do believe that she would be upset if she saw all my activity on the internet so soon after our break up.

It's a really strange feeling..... its hard to just turn off 3 years of caring for someone. (if anyone reading this is actually interested in meeting me you don't have to worry about me going on and on about an ex, unless you ask me about it, I'm just getting most of it out right here... rightnow)

The strange part about it is.. I have this feeling like.. like.. everything is going to be just fine and will really work out allright. ... thats what my gut tells me. I'm not quite sure what that means however I just know that the future holds uncertainty for all people and I am no exception.

I'm just going to take everything one day at a time, and back up and stand behind the decisions I make. I guess thats really all we can do!

enough of the philosophy (sp?) for tonight lol i'm going to try and get some sleep once again.

curvymeli 39F

8/10/2006 3:17 am

Get out of the house and off the computer somtimes and make yourself go out, even alone, to help take your mind off things, too. Even though you might not feel like it or might feel like a pointless exercise, soon enough you will be used to it and start enjoying yourself.

Make a point to be extra 'southern' (I am from CT so it is a change for me) and talk to a bunch of strangers, male and female. Getting out and getting interaction, even superficial interaction, really helps. Just limit yourself to one or two drinks if you go to a abr so you don't turn into an alcoholic.


RockDrummerrr69 66M

8/10/2006 5:20 am

curvymeli,
Thanks for the reply and the advice. These are simillar conclusions to what I was thinking! Implementing is alittle more difficult in practice. Tonight err, last night I did go out with some friends for a couple hours, it was pretty cool! Went to outback and hit up a local bar. I know what you mean about just talking to strangers. I do this alot even under normal circumstances (I was born in NJ, not a southerner either, well kind of, was raised in NC but didn't really adopt the 'southern' traditions in my life). Anyways! hey, I was going to send you a mail but I'm out of points. If you want to look me up, try the various chat programs and look for forcefeddrummer thats my name on the big smiley and the little yellow running man! I'd love to chat with ya, you seem like a really awesome person from some of the things I've read on this site! (I probably seem like a shallow simplistic ass but I hope you'll give me the chance to prove otherwise!)


RockDrummerrr69 66M

8/10/2006 5:22 am

curvymeli,
wow I just noticed this, from your post,
"Just limit yourself to one or two drinks"
the reason this stood out to me is because thats exactly what I did last night! Thanks again! hope to talk to you soon.


sadisdicmomma 30F

3/13/2008 7:17 am

i know all the same feelings...i hate feelings.that shit is ruff.i have to talk myself into sex even though i want it..it's weird......


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