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I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent,twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
Reporters interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?
"98," she replied. "Two years older than me.
"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"
I've sure gotten old. I've had 2 by-pass surgeries, a hip replacement and new knees. I fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. I have bouts with dementia, poor circulation, can hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. I have lost all my friends.
But..... Thank God, I still have my driver's license!
A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect. "
"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
Morris, an 82 year-old man, finally went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said,
'You've got a heart murmur. Be careful.'"
NOW STOP LAUGHING AND PUT YOUR TEETH BACK IN!!