How Sunday turned into Monday  

RedheadedMedStd 34F
1734 posts
6/15/2006 9:50 am

Last Read:
6/18/2006 11:34 am

How Sunday turned into Monday

I was gonna go home from the hospital on Sunday. I was desperate to sleep in my own bed. The nurses and techs all woke me up at all hours to ask me all sorts of questions. I think they started at like 5 am. I went to bed at like 10:30. I talked to one of the nurses I really liked and she told me, if you leave this morning, you won't be able to see anymore of Keegan. Good point, plus I was really fucking sore.

You try pushing something the size of a watermelon out of something the size of a lemon and see how hot you feel!

Anyway, I decided to cancel my discharge and hang with the baby for one more day. I am notorious for keeping myself busy to not deal with emotional issues, and although I knew it would be uncomfortable for the first few hours, I would stick around the hospital. I did get up and walk around some to get blood flowing so I could heal some. Let me tell you, it was slow going.

I got a visit from some very close family friends, and one of my girlfriends, Nika showed up as did her parents. I got flowers and candy and tea, even the coffee was horrid! The food was worse than airplane food, I had my parents bringing me food for every meal. I kid you not. The coffee was permanently scorched no matter how early the tray got there.

I got lots of phone calls and my Mom hung out with me most of the day and we did lots of talking. The parents visited me Sunday night and were crying the whole time. She came back later in the evening with her mother-in-law who immediately scooped up Keegan and started acting like I wasn't even there. Yeah, that bugged me.

I forgave her later cause she's never been in that situation before with a surrogate Mom, but I wondered if she thought I was just like a baby-making machine and was really used to it. Yikes, don't ever let me get to the point of having a kid being a casual thing. It's a big fucking deal! I want the guy I am with to fuss over me so much it makes people sick! Especially I think since I went through a lot of this alone.

My parents told me they were proud of me, and my Dad even cried. That was so bad. I lost it when he cried. Monday was easier, I got to take a shower, (finally!) and wear normal clothes, not a hospital gown which was like wearing a cloth bag slit open down the back. Weird feeling. I left about 1 pm and just forced myself not to look back. I got home, my parents and I went to lunch and I got home to lay down for a nap.

Then it hit me. I was pretty stable all day until I laid down for a nap. I had his baby picture proofs in my hand and I absolutely sobbed. And I mean HARD for a solid half hour or 45 mins. I wasn't quite hysterical, but I did have to remind myself to breathe a few times. It was really rough. I got up about 4 hours later and told my roommate Greg all about it.

It was nice telling someone everything and having him listen. I know that family and friends always say, I'm here for you, but I never really knew what that meant. I thought it just kinda meant when you were having a bad day. I never wanted to burden people with my problems or I've been too stubborn to ask for help, so I keep it to myself. Not good, let me tell you. I popped like a champagne bottle when I finally realized what someone "being there for me" really meant.

I have to say I am so happy to know that the people who I've chosen to tell, including you here in Blogland that you've all been so supportive. It means mountains to me. Thank you a million times over.

BTW, when I got home, I had to do some major veggie and fruit ditching, I eat lots of raw fruit and veggies and they all went bad over the weekend. God forbid Greg do it.


rm_bryan4a 36M

6/15/2006 11:44 am

Once again I just wanna say I am very impressed with what you did! Takes a lot of love and determination...
You're my hero!

PrincessKarma 43F
6188 posts
6/15/2006 11:46 am

*warm comforting mama-bear hug* No need to thank, sweetie. It takes a LOT of strength to do what you've done... *holds Red close and rocks her gently*

The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma

NSAAddict 42F

6/15/2006 12:56 pm

Hugs to you hon, what you did was so incredibly selfless and so difficult, you are a strong one my dear. Glad you've experienced the true meaning of support and that people are there for you in your real world as well as here. Comforting hugs and love!

WoundFossaTinge 38M

6/15/2006 1:57 pm

Everything you have done is fantastic and I have not ability to imagine what you are dealing w/.

If you ever need to write something or say something, I know and can see by all of the responses you get from all of these people in blogland, that you are cared for and 95% of these people (myself included, since I am crushing and all, but also because you are such a cool girl) would listen to you and do whatever they can to help out.

Congratulations again and hugs or whatever it is you need to feel a little better...

alphuctup 40M

6/16/2006 1:45 am

You are truly amazing.

tillerbabe 55F

6/17/2006 1:21 am

I am so sorry I have been so absent. But sweetie - I'm so very proud of you. What you have done and gone through is much more than I think I could handle. Who looks up to "who" now? You are a beautiful, strong soul - thank you for stopping by my BLOG when you are going through so much. Bless you for all that you have done. Can we have a beer now?

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