RedheadedMedStd 34F
1734 posts
3/28/2006 1:32 pm

Last Read:
3/30/2006 8:42 am


Amberabercrombie:So just how many people have you been with?

Now I know some people really don't give a rats ass about how many people their partners have been with and some get right anal about that *special number*

If your partner had, oh lets just say 100+ sexual encounters, would it bother you? Would you fault them on whats been done in their past?

Kelli4u2dew: When a man tells, he's bragging, when a woman tells, everyone calls her a slut.

I've got to agree with Kelli there is a total double standard that goes along with all this. Me, in most if not all cultures would be considered a slut. I'm over 60 at the age of 23, and I've only been working at it since I was 18.

But like Kelli, I like sex and I like beer. Plus, not too many have been all that fantastic that make me wanna settle down. Interesting results though that's for sure. I would have to say I am not surprised about the whole 10 and under thing. As much as our culture tries to relfect the openess of our sexuality, I'm always gonna be looked upon as "easy" to some.

So the # to me is not really important and since I am at such a number at 23, I don't think I could ever say that any # should ever offend me... Although anyone having the same amount of time to get similar #'s as me or higher, I wanna know what bars you go to and whether or not you would go thru even half of them again.

I might, just cause it makes me who I am, but then again maybe not, cause a lot of them were and are forgetable. I've been pretty picky as of late, a)Because I am being forced to, b)because I like onehotwahine's idea of sex and friendship being something to strive for, and c)Even if I could, I have only heard of one guy who has a PWILF (Pregnant woman I'd like to f*&^)fetish. (This no swearing thing until Easter thing blows! I am gonna start making up new cuss words for me to use, that way no one will actually know I am swearing.)

The other part of that is that if you enjoyed yourself and you are safe, who cares what your # is? I am used to satisfying my labido and too bad if no one else approves. I can say that maybe half I would do again. But probably not. If I could be the same person while lowering my # through some magical process, I would like to get rid of a bunch that weren't noteworthy.

I am guestimating 60ish. I have no idea of the actual # anymore, but I would guess it's in the 60-70 range. The funny thing is, is that with the recent drama, I've been called a slut about 3 times in the past week. That word doesn't bug me too much. I don't like it, but people have their opinions. Call me whore though, and you may end up with a handprint.

The countdown til the neighbors leave: 5 days and counting!


revelinthedance 34M

3/28/2006 7:02 pm

Aaahh, the "magic number". It's been a while since I participated in a discussion on this one. So, here goes.

Double standards are inherent in our society, or any that I know of for that matter. Social stratification/discrimination/(pick a word) is simply a fact of existence. Our society is set up in such a way that it could not function without these things. This is not to say that any of them are necessarily good, but it simply is. Such a mode of separation has been instilled in us since we were born, as individuals as well as a nation, which seems to be straying awfully close to fascism and soon a dictatorship. That is neither here nor there, but the point being that our minds do not know how to function without a hierarchical mode of organization. Even people who preach, and perhaps also practice, the ideology of viewing all people as equal make snap judgments that are not simply of an empirical nature. I fancy myself quite the empiricist but, I also know that I judge people on a value basis, using different criteria depending on the situation at hand. I'm even quite good at it. Now, the mere fact that I fancy myself an empiricist but espouse a skill at judging people on a level of value is both indicative and demonstrative of the problem at hand. One of these traits may serve me at one point in time, and the other may do so at another. This is how I differentiate between the one that I should use in any given instance.

This brings up the primary goal of argument, being that people will do what serves them at any given moment. In the matter of obsessing over some "magic number", be it of a partner, friend, enemy, etc., we will choose the road that suits our purpose. Socially speaking, we use the obsession with sex and sexual partners to accomplish many different things, but these revolve around or stem from a primary two, as I see it.
1.) In the case of obsessing over it with women, I think it stems from a certain feeling of helplessness, although that may be an extreme term for it, in the case of the men and or women who apply the formula to others. Let's face it, even in our "enlightened" era, and I use the quotation marks to denote EXTREME sarcasm, the majority of the male population is still raised with the idea that they should be able to exert some form of control over the female portion of the population. Even if not passed from father to son, all of the subliminal indicators are there: The advertising, the glass ceiling, the obsession of men over how many people they've slept with, pick your poison...there are far too many to name. All of these things and all of their unmentioned bretheren establish the idea that women are lower than men in some way. Many psychologists have attributed this to a social manifestation of a general physical fact (i.e. that men are physically weaker than women and, being that we value physical strength so much for one reason or another, we have subconsciously encorporated that physical reality socially). I, personally, think this may have some validity, but that validity stopped a very long time ago, approximately when we recognized the aforementioned scenario as a possible explanation.
Despite all of that positioning, women have more power than men do sexually. Granted, the physical act of sex, in pure biology, places the man in a power position as the penetrator and the woman in a less powerful situation as the penetrated/recipient; however, excluding instances of (the social implications of which I won't even get into), the man is only in that position because the woman has allowed him to be. This is the sexual power of the female. She has the ability to accept or rebuff, long before even the most dominant man can have access. In the face of that powerless power of maleness in the sexual realm, I see the obsession of men over the magic number of women as a form of social control implimented to tone down this trait in women. We, as a society, have implanted the thought that the number of partners matters at all to inspire temperance in the women that we cannot control externally. The men, always seeking sex (of course this is a very general statement), are put at the mercy of the larger female populace, who, in all reality, pretty much has their pick whenever they want it. Our goal as a society, in order to temper that power, is to instill a sense of moral prohibition within these women.
As a tangent to that, if we want to look at it from an anthropoloial perspective, this goes a long way back in evolution and continues today in the animal kingdom, where we assume such social control doesn't really exist as a manifestation of internal inadequacy. Let us accept that basic tenet for the purposes of this paragraph at least. In the animal kingdom, in gorillas for example, the alpha male in a group of gorillas has sexual access to all of the females, but is very prohibitive of the females engaging with other males, not only sexually but also socially. This is because, if one of the female gorillas has a child, the alpha male will be the one providing food and protection for it. In these instances it is assumed that, although we cannot question the gorillas about it, that the gorilla is so jealously prohibitive in order to prevent the expendature of resources on someone else's offspring. Tangential, I know, but now we return to humans.
2.) In the case of women obsessing over the magic number of other women, I think it is far more simple. This is a socially instilled value system, be it valid or not, and is very hard to stray from. Like the situation between men and women, most people go about it like business as usual and don't think about it much. On a more subconscious level, I think that it is a product of resentment. Women that have, in a way, been forced to or have chosen to limit themselves sexually as a result of this rather violently placed social constraint, have a resentment for those who have chosen to ignore it. How dare someone else violate this constraint when they have been so effectively emprisoned by it? It may also be an assertion of dominance over one another, which is also resident in the animal kingdom. If one accepts the model that puts the woman in control of the male's role until actual sex has been consented to, then the promiscuous woman has asserted her control over more men and is, thus, more powerful than her accuser. I apologize for the cursory treatment of the female portion of the species, but much of the point can be in some way extrapalated from the section on the male portion.

Stemming from that, I think men brag about how many women they have slept with, essentially equating to how many women they have been able to "dominate", as an attempt to demonstrate power. This is why, in most juvenile circles, the man with a higher number is revered. He is the most "powerful" of the group. If you look at it from a power and control perspective, the women could be guarding their number from rising so quickly as a way to assert their dominance over men by not allowing them access. Of course, this is slightly contrary to resenting women who have "controlled" more men by choosing to grant or not grant said access, but pick which one you like and go with it. I care not.

Now, to the subjective portion...
I really don't care about the number of men that a woman, be she sexual partner or otherwise, has slept with. What I do care about is how many men to whom she may have said: "It's okay. We don't need a condom. I'm clean." If I'm with a woman for the first time and she tells me to forego the condom, I will automatically wonder how many other men she has said that to and, chances are, depending on the circumstances, I'll opt for just holding each other (if I legitimately have a romantic interest in the woman, probably to hang around until she gets tested for STDs), or I'll find a reason to leave.

That being said, I would like to add that I have no idea what my "magic number" is, nor do I have the inclination to recount all of my sexual encounters to myself in order to find out. I've had fun and been safe, and that is all that matters to me.

Now, Red, why is it that you take offense to the word whore, but not slut? I understand the differentiation of the control and money factors, but it is still just one way to characterize someone in the hopes that they will get offended and restrain themselves. It's the social control again. If slut doesn't shame her into following socially prescribed mores, then we'll go one better. You're simply allowing people a different way to get at you for living your life in a way that they cannot possibly control. Don't let people in the door with one word more than the other simply because they imply different motivations for your behavior. Do you really care if they know or approve of why you choose to live your life the way you do?

I'd love to hear the female perspectives on my rather succinct treatment of the female v. female aspect of this issue, if anyone cares to comment on my extremely long comment.

It was fun to write, though.

WoundFossaTinge 38M

3/28/2006 8:37 pm

Well, this double standar column is getting a ton of reads and definitely sparking some fun conversation. Anyway, I don't see anything wrong w/ a girl or a guy having a high or small number. I mean, I am at 20, but if I had a chance to be w/ a girl who had 100+ or even between 60/70 () and she was hot and fun to hang out with, it would be a no brainer.
Anyway, I must also say even though I don't have the PWILF fetish, your pictures may just change that for me. Anyway, hope you are doing well and talk later.

MyRealLoverOne 46M

3/28/2006 10:46 pm

Well, my response will not be as detailed as my bro above. However, the number does not really make a difference to me in regards to my partner. If fact, I really appreciate the experience it brings to the bedroom...or kitchen...or know...wink!

Also, I am a slut too because I never charge anything!

Good post sweetie!


RedheadedMedStd 34F

3/29/2006 12:07 am

No Amber, thank you, you inspired it! Come back and hang anytime...

Revel, good grief your comment was longer than the dang post! I had to cut myself off after a certain point, otherwise it's babbling when I look back on it. Plus if I got into all the stuff you did, we could be here for eons looking at all those areas you only dipped into.

Tommy, nice to see you again! I haven't heard from your section of the peanut gallery lately!

RL, thanks for your imput, I love the idea of it just adding to the creative outlet.

BTW, RL, Amber, and Revel you all have a new fan of your blogs. I've gone thru and seen what you've written recently and am thouroughly impressed. Tommy sweetie, if you had one, I'd be right there too...

MillsShipsGayly 51M

3/29/2006 5:26 am

Can I call you a whore and will you take it as a compliment from me?


dasher121 36M

3/29/2006 7:46 am

That's bullshit, someone calling you a whore. Stupid assbags (blowin big puff o smoke in their eye!). Yeah, Im with said above, #'s dont matter a thing to me. And yes, if I could stay who I am now I have a few that could do away with.

Like you said, just be safe and be cool. Thats what I look at in a person, are they cool to me. If I get along with someone then fuck the past. It doesnt define you anyway. I do try to avoid the #s question in relationships though. If my partner asks me I will tell, gotta be honest and open. But if the subject doesnt come up and it's not important to them, I just roll along.

The Dude.

PS- I hate my cubical

bipolybabe 55F

3/29/2006 7:49 am

I've decided to embrace being a slut. For me, it just means I like sex a lot and like a lot of sex. I've decided it's necessary to fuck him to find out if it's worth fucking him. Skip the romantic dinner. See if he's got the goods to make it worth going out to dinner. Dinner is only fun, in my opinion, if you can hardly wait to get him naked.

I need to be making up for lost time, about 20 years worth during which time I had three partners. I'm quite pleased to announce that I've added another 10 in four months, bringing my lifetime grand total up to 40-ish. Hey, and that's my age, too! How cool is that?


Check out my blog Bi-Poly-Babe for more sensual, sexual pleasure!

RedheadedMedStd 34F

3/29/2006 10:44 am

Michael, you are one of the few who could and get it taken as so.

Dasher, decorate your cubicle with the thoughts of all your Freaky D's and peeps smiles and photos, we'll keep you happy all day long...

Babe, welcome to my little corner! I compliment you on your monogomy, I would love to find one who makes me want to do that, but for now, I'm learning to embrace myself as a slut too.

rm_acer57 59M
124 posts
3/29/2006 2:55 pm

Hmmm. Might I suggest The Ethical Slut, by Easton and Liszt? ... yes, at online booksellers.

RedheadedMedStd 34F

3/29/2006 9:03 pm

Ace,thank you for stopping by my little think tank. I appreciate the suggestion. As soon as I finish reading the novel I am on, I'll pick up that one. You'd be surprised what my public library carries, I know I can be... Come back and visit anytime. I do love the title, what an attention-grabber!

If you all want to see the original post go visit Amberabercrombie and see her poll "How many have you slept with?"

tillerbabe 56F

3/30/2006 1:16 am

I'm a slut, will remain a slut, it's gotten me no love..but who ever said I desereved that? Not gonna happen. I'll always just be a "toy" one comes along, I get tossed out with the trash.

RedheadedMedStd 34F

3/30/2006 8:42 am

Awwww, Tills, are you having a bad day? You sound very unhappy. Take a muscle relaxer and I'll be over in a little bit. I'll give you a backrub, a big hug, and some ice cream. Sound ok to you?

Become a member to create a blog