Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness  

RedDevilJennifer 37T
17 posts
11/1/2005 4:14 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness


Originally posted: 7/24/05

It's the age long struggle of a t-girl: Will I find happiness? Will I find the freedom to be me? Will I ever find love?

They say the best things come to those who wait, but sometimes I wonder if I have the patience to do so.

I recently met someone on Alt, and I've taken quite a liking to her, and she with me. She's taken such a liking to me that she wants to be my submissive, and I agreed to take her as my submissive. But, I really have to wonder if she's serious. I haven't spoken to her in a couple days, and I'm wondering if she's just viewing all of this as phone or online play, of if she's really serious about this. Of course, it does make things harder when she lives 2000 miles away.

I walked down the streets of Crystal City (a very upscale area of Arlington, VA) last night, and I think some people were weirded out by the fact that I'm a t-girl. They would be polite and say hi, but as soon as I replied back, they'd immediately hightail it out of there. I had a pizza guy smile at me last night, but as soon as he realized I was in fact born male, he didn't even say one word to me, and that smile quickly disappeared.

Why do people have such a problem with things that are different? So I'm a transsexual? So what if I enjoy looking on the outside how I feel on the inside? I'm not hurting anyone. I'm still a regular person with regular feelings. I don't have any magical powers. It's not like you're gonna turn gay or weird or strange or anything by talking to me. Most of the time, I'm not looking for "a good time". I'm just looking for someone I can shoot the shit with and just have fun. Of course, I would like to meet someone I can call my one true love or possibly even my soul mate. God knows I'd like to be able to go somewhere where I won't get stared out or treated like I'm some sort of second class citizen.

I can understand some paranoia though. When I am in full dress, I do everything at the feminine end of the spectrum. I like to shop, chat, etc... You know, everything stereotypicially associated with females. When I'm out, I prefer it if I can use the women's bathroom, because when I am dressed, in my mind I am female, and wish to be treated as such. I know many women go berserk if a crossdressing male uses the women's bathroom, but I can assure you. I'm not there to hurt anyone. I'm not a freak. I'm not a danger. I'm not a threat. All I want is to be able to use the bathroom, wash my hands, and fix my makeup if need be. Possibly engage in some small talk too. I'm not going to you (and I know some women do think this way, which is ludicrous in my opinion) because I'm in the women's bathroom. I just want to be one of the girls.

It's hard. It's an uphill battle being a t-girl. If I think I have it bad, I know the girls living female 24/7 have it much worse than I do. But, I guess that's my whole point. We shouldn't have it bad. For many of us girls that are on Alt, we're in North America (whether it be the U.S. or Canada). We're someplace where understanding and tolerance are supposed to exist, but often rarely appears. This is supposed to be a part of the world where you have the freedom to live your life how you choose and not have to deal with backlash and repercussions because you don't necessarily walk the line. I'm not asking for much. All I ask that I can go to the store without people staring at me like I'm a leper, that people get to know the person within me and not judge me by my outer appearance, that I find the one I can spend the rest of my life with, and that I just be free to be me.

*sigh* A girl can dream, can't she?

Well, I've rambled on enough here. I love you all and I'll see everyone later.

Hugs and Kisses

Jennifer

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