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Am I That Repulsive?
Am I That Repulsive?
Originally posted: 8/21/05
Sometimes, I have to wonder if I'm repulsive or something.
I feel like my friends are avoiding me, and I can never seem to meet anyone just to hang out with.
I come on Alt, and all I ever seem to find is men who want to meet up with me, and 99 times out of 100, it's for sex. I'm not looking for sex these days. I just want friends.
I keep looking for females to meet up with, because I have very few female friends and God knows I could use more as time goes on. I just want someone I can go out for a drink with, or someone to go shopping with, or someone I can just chat with.
Chatting online is all well and good, but it's not the same. I need real life human interaction. Staring at a computer screen isn't cutting it these days.
Why am I writing this? Well, the last few days haven't been the greatest. Friday night (8/19), I went to my best friend's house, which is often my safe haven to get dressed if my brother is home. It is, so long as my friend's son isn't home. He's not quite 2 (he splits time with my best friend and his wife (his parents), his grandmother, and a family friend.) Now if the kid were asleep, I have my safe haven back. However, the kid wasn't even put to bed until well after 11 pm (far too late for a toddler if you ask me). To make matters worse, one of their friends was over (she knows all about me. I've gone clubbing with her before too.), and she had her son over as well, and her kid was awake well after 11 pm. So, needless to say, I was extremely frustrated. I actually fell asleep for a few hours on my friend's floor, I was so frustrated.
Saturday night (8/20), I was supposed to go to Richmond to go clubbing. I was waiting to hear back from a friend I was supposed to be meeting. Now, you're probably asking why I didn't just go alone. The reason being, I've never actually been to Richmond before. I've passed through there numerous times, but I've never visited there. I have no idea where anything is there, and I really would not want to get lost in Richmond. She never called me back, and therefore, I was stuck at home. AGAIN.
Everyone always asks why I just don't go out alone. Reason being...I don't like it. I get bored. I don't start conversations with people anymore. I'm willing to talk to anyone who wants to talk to me, but I won't approach people anymore. Call me a coward if you want. I don't care. I'm tired of being embarassed by being shot down and turned away when all I do is say a simple "Hi.". So, I don't go out alone anymore.
I need to find a friend somewhere. Anywhere. I'll figure something out someday.
Bye for now.
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