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Thoughts to live by
Thoughts to live by
1. Do not walk behind me for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone OK?
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a
broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
3. It is always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. The most important ingredient for a long marriage is a short memory.
5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
6. No one is listening until you fart.
7. Always remember you're unique...just like every one else.
8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
9. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that
person again, it was probably worth it.
14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.
16. There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and bad experiences comes from bad judgment.
18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
21. There are only two theories to arguing with women. Neither works.
22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much
if your lips are moving.
23. Experience is something you don't get until just after you needed it.
24. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
25. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
26. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.