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We are never alone
We are never alone
"Don't you know, nobody drinks alone, Every demon every ghost from your past and very memory you've held back, follows you home. Nobody drinks alone." by Keith Urban
I don't usually post twice in one day, but the last post was several days in the making and this one really has nothing to do with anything. Just me musing, wondering, listening to my favorite music, and thinking about a dream I had yesterday while I took a late afternoon nap.
I believe in things I don't understand.
I find comfort in my belief that we are not meant to always know why or understand.
Sometimes you don't get to see it and then believe, many times in my life I have had to believe before I saw the forest in front of me.
I have always believed in things unseen, in a here after, that we are all from a higher power, that we all contain the kernal of eternal goodness but posses enough free will to embrace evil if we choose, that the essential energy we are lives on, not just in the hearts and minds of those who live on, but in a greater sense. I know there are ghosts, ghouls, angels and demons on this earth with us. I don't often admit or talk about it but I have always been what some would describe as sensitive, and no I do not mean emotionally. I do not profess to have any special ability, I just trust myself and those who have earned my trust and guide my life. I beleive everything happens for a reason.
Call me a quack or crazy or any thing else you'd like but in my short 30 something years, I have seen things, felt things, known things, said things, that have no logical and/or other reasonable explaination. I don't buy into the psychic craze, I don't waste my time or money on popular practicioners. I believe we all have some level of undiscovered psychic talent or ability, and can tap into it to find whatever we need if we try hard enough.
When I was a child, I saw all of my relatives who passed away the night before and had meaningful conversations with them, not understanding that they were passing. I have met ancestors in my dreams, and have loved ones at sit downs in my dreams often enough that I no longer question whether it is real. I have dreamed of people I did not know, had never met and had no knowledge of but felt compelled to tell someone (other than the usual victims) about a specific dream, only to have that person recognize and understand the dream from a passed love one. I have connections to certain people in my life strong enough for me to know when something is wrong. No I can't chane it or know exactly what it is, I just know that something is wrong. I have been haunted, in good and bad ways, and I pray that I can keep my child safe from the evil I know exists in a very frighteningly real sense.
I have always been an exceptional dreamer. What do I mean by that?
I can control most all of my dreams, I can change them at will, it is my dream. I have always had asthma and had a nurse, wise beyond her time, teach me the technigue of dream control. It kept me out of the hospital for many years when my family was so poor I did not have medication for my asthma, and suffered from asthma attacks brought on by night terrors, stress, etc. I learned to meditate, relaxation technigues, and to control or alter bodily functions such as blood pressure, breathing and pain management from this same nurse at the early age of 4 or 5. I didn't understand until much later in life what a great jewel of knowledge she had bestowed on me at that tender age. Most people wouldn't even bother b/c of the young age and percieved lack of understanding, she was one of the many angels in my life. No one older than me, at the time remembers who I am referring to or any one specific nurse who cared for me.
What else do exceptional dreamers do?
I have continous dreams. Dreams that end when I wake but when I go back to sleep they pick up where they left off. I may not sleep for days or only get up to go to the bathroom, but as soon as I enter a deep sleep, the dream continues on as if uninterrupted, sometimes with a brief synopsis of the earlier chapters. Yes I can be very stubborn and have to have a rewind button in my head...lol
So why am I telling you all this crazy shit. Because over the last almost 15 years, I have keep my own journals and chronicled my life in it's unbelievable twists and turns. I have written my dreams, good and bad, if I remember them I try to write them down. I have come to regard these continous dreams as lessons I need to learn. There is always a lesson for me within these storybook type, long-term continous dreams. I try very hard to learn these lessons as quickly as possible, they are not all pleasant but many have kept me safe and/or sane.
The dreams I have of loved ones visiting me, most would see as fond memories. They aren't the events potrayed are never things that actually happen and often the people come to me in a younger form that what I would ordinarily recognize them as. I think of these as visitations and as with the continous dreams there is a point, a message or a lesson to be understood.
Since this is my new form of journaling, I'm writing this last dream/visitation here. I'm simultaneously having a continous dream that I can't yet remember, obviously I have not been learning my lessons very well...lol
I am in my paternal grandparents house on Long Island, NY, and here at my current home, yes both at once b/c it is my dream, and I have demons in that house on LI. My grandparents are there, my only aunt and great-uncle. All passed many years ago. My paternal grandmother visits me often to encourage me, tell me how proud she is, or not of me, but my grandpa rarely makes an appearance. We are celebrating, he is dancing with me, without the terrible limp he had from surviving polio. He and my grandmother are young and in there prime. He was a strikingly handsome black Irishman, with startingly blue eyes and a deep rumbling voice. He was a professional boxer in his prime, and worked his entire adult life at Grumman Aerospace when he could not go to war because of his polio shortened bad leg. I am proud to be his only granddaughter. He is talking to me as we dance around. I am safe, loved, secure, cherished but I can't yet remember the words, the message or the lesson. It is a bitter sweet dream, b/c I miss them so much, and I want to know what they have to tell me. It appears to be good tidings for a change.
I'm in the kitchens with my grandmother, and Aunt Widget. I have a refridgerator fall on me, numerous times and my petite spit fire of a grandmother flings it away like a bothersome bug trying to sting me. She shooes my aunt out and has my grandfather secure the misbehaving appliance. My aunt must not want this info passed on. My grandmother is easier for me to understand, as we have communicated this way many times over the years since she passed and even before. I will be making a trip back to LI soon for a family function, probably a funeral and I need to take up the mantel of matriarch (sp) once my great aunt passes. Both sides of my families are huanted by the demons of family strife, deliberate infliction of pain, and lack of forgiveness, we are a proud, hard people.
And so I wait and wonder what I need to learn, to hear, to see, to touch. I'm just glad it's my family, I hate getting Steve's family they are confused by having to go through me and frequently get pushy. His 1st wife has been down right pushy and unpleasant, not to me but with me to try to get a message through. Ask my step-son about the possessed alarm clock she left behind...not fun for any of us. I hope I have seen and heard the last of her, ScubaSteve seems to finally be receptive enough on his own to her, and I am glad. I was not sure I would be able to exorcise her from this house, now my home.
I have the summer off from school and obviiously I have alot of work to do with my subconscious. I sure some of you will say that these are creations of my subconscious to fulfill the needs of my consciousness. I agree except for the creation part, no one but the Divine creates anything. I haven't slept since 6am Friday, and have no intention of doing so until tonight after dinner and fun, but I hear them whispering, calling me to listen, seek the answers I need. This isn't sleep deprivation talking, it's just a journal entry about my exceptional dreams. At some point in the future, I will come back to this and understand the message, the lesson, and my knowledge of myself and my loved ones will expand.
"I'm probably going on and on, it seems I'm doing more of that these days, I probably wouldn't be this way, I probably wouldn't hurt so bad, I never pictured every minute, without you in it, Oh you left so fast, sometimes I see you standing there, sometimes I feel like an angels touch, sometimes I feel that I'm so lucky to have loved that much, God give me a moments grace, cuz if I'd never seen your face, I probably wouldn't feel this way.
Momma says that I just shouldn't speak to you, Susan says that I should just move on, you oughta to see the way some people look at me, when they see me talking to you but you're gone, everybody thinks I' ve lost my mind but I just take it day by day, I probably wouldn't be this way, God give me a moments grace cause I'd never seen your face I probably wouldn't be this way." Leann Rimes
2/12/2016 6:45 am
Very sexy photo. Kisses|
6/19/2006 6:54 pm
Very interesting, can one learn how to control their dreams to this level, and if so how?|
6/17/2006 5:29 pm
I wish I could do what you do with dreams LeeAnn. Thanks for Sharing. Steve I shall thank you too since you'll be the one responding. lol|
6/17/2006 1:59 pm
Whats so bad is that my late wife spent more time talking to her than me, and it was never a "bad" thing. Boy thats scary. Strange enough to have a playmate meet and talk to her or for her to answer the phone when one calls, but the dead wife. Somebody please help me....two is too much... oh and she always passes on the messages...|
6/17/2006 10:14 am
Keith Urban makes another appearance.....|
The more I live, the more I really do have a feeling that there are unseen forces at work that bring us to the places we come to in our lives. I spent time trying to "analyze" those forces, just because that's how my mind works. I soon concluded that was futile. I believe people are completely responsible for making the choices they do, but I also think those forces have an impact on those choices. At some point, you make whatever decisions you can, and watch the cards play out. If you do something in good faith, you're generally gonna come out smelling like roses...even though you might feel the occasional pain of a thorn.