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Open Hearts, Open Relationships, Closed Minds
Open Hearts, Open Relationships, Closed Minds
Many people are here(AdultFriendFinder) for many different reasons. There have been post about cheating and when is it cheating and what is cheating. There have those who have shared the pain of why they can't leave a relationship. There have been judgments passed.
Everything is not as it seems. And life is not as simple as black and white, or yes and no. Over the years I have learned a lot about life, much of it the hard way, and have come to see it very differently.
For those of you who read LeeAnn's post, you know she is the writer in the house. She has fire and passion in her soul. But she also has demons. From the day I meet her I loved her and promised I would be there for her to help fight those demons. She has shared some of them and our battles with them with you. (I have them too and trust me she is a true dragon slayer)
I was married for 20 years (I hate to speak ill of the dead but the truth matters) to a controlling, evil, abusive woman. Because I married young and dumb and had an instant family (she had one son I adopted and we had another later) I missed a lot of life's little growing up fun times. I never really had the chance to explore my own sexuality. I never learned how to make my own friends and develop interest outside of those she wanted. When I begin to realize how much I hated the relationship I was in I thought of leaving. I grew up in the "model home", dad worked, mom raised the two kids, never heard or saw them fight or raise their voice at each other. I was taught that marriage was forever. I knew as much as I wanted to, even had a right to, I could not leave, I would not leave my sons in that position. After 2 battles over almost 3 years with cancer she died.
I vowed never to be in a committed relationship ever again, I sure as hell would not get married.
Well I meet LeeAnn and that all changed I am glad to say. She is the best thing that could have every happened to me.
We thought we had the perfect marriage. Neither one of us would say anything about some of the things that began to bother us. We now know we both suffer from different kinds of abuse, but that abuse was coming out in very strange ways.
Because we did not want to feel trapped, or held hostage to the others "happiness" we discussed how we could help our marriage.
Rule number one, be honest with each other.
Rule number two, love each other no matter what rule number one brought out.
It was hard for me to accept that she "had" to be able to have someone else. I thought whats wrong with a girls night out, a sitter, with what I do for you. Whats wrong with me? Then when I saw the intensity of our love for each other and how it grows everytime we are with someone else. I was amazed and understood that there was nothing "wrong" with me, we both needed something in our life's the other could not give.
If you truly love someone you are willing to do what ever it takes to take care of that person. It is almost this simple; try holding mud in your hand. The harder you hold it, the more of it you lose. Let go, loosen your grip and you can hold on to more of it. People and our love for them is the same way.
If I love my spouse and family, no matter how bad the situation is and I come here for my needs to be meet and the family is better for it, am I wrong?
If we decide that for our marriage to be stronger, we should have separate playmates are we damaging our relationship?
It is not always easy to have an open relationship. It takes a lot of work and communication. But if you have an open heart and true love for that person in your life you will learn to make it work. I have lost nothing and gained so much in our relationship because of my, slow but finally, willingness to have an open relationship. We know all the who and when and wheres of what is going on. We discuss needs and boundaries in the relationship. We are aware of each others needs and egos. And as strange as it sounds. As a result of the open relationship, we take care of each other first and ourselves second, when the whole time it seems like we are being greedy and taking of ourself first.
To those with closed minds, what it really means is that you have a closed heart. It is easy to judge others. It is impossible to know their plight in life. It is easy to say I love you, I care about you, I want what is best for you. If the best thing for the other person in your life was for you to leave, would you? If you care for someone, open your heart, let love guide your decisions. If you can, allow that special person in your life the freedom to grow and feel your love. To those suffering, share your love and your needs. You may be surprised at just how much that person will open their heart.
You must be true to yourself, live with yourself and love yourself before you can love anyone else.
You will please pardon my rambling, but I just felt that some folks have made some serious life issues way to simple. There is more gray in life than black and white combined. Learn to love and you will learn to live.
2/12/2016 6:53 am
My marriage was not open. Kisses|
6/17/2006 10:14 pm
Thank you for your directions to this blog...I do appreciate it...|
My lady & I have had an open relationship since we first met...and we still do, even after we got married. Granted, we don't meet with others like the two of you do...small town, remember?
It is tough to maintain an open relationship. Most people hear the word 'open' and they automatically assume NSA sex...but it is more than that....the key word is communication on all levels.
I know at least one girl from this site that thought she could drive a wedge between my lady & I...imagine her shock.
Steve, I hear you about the moodiness....you've seen the comments I get on my blog...and there is no way at this time I can grab at the opportunities...for a variety of reasons. I think your day is coming, so keep that attitude up...
LeeAnn, I am glad that you are having a great time exploring your sexuality and I wish you well...just continue coming home and please be careful.
Thanks to the two of you....great post...
NG61...disappearing back into the darkness...
5/22/2006 4:21 pm
Some afterthoughts. In reading some of the comments and dealing with some of the day to day aspects of an open marriage I thought I would add a couple of things.|
Is it easy? No. Is it worth it? Yes.
Sometimes are harder for me than others. It is easier for her. She was able to pick and eliminate and settle on the b/f she wanted. Now she is doing the same with a g/f. For me, I am the old married guy in a town full of young hot GIs who really dont have any strings, since its a Training Command. Most are here today and gone in 6-11 weeks. What better play toy. Sometimes she feels a little guilty that I dont have a reg g/f. For her part of it is the escape, to go to him and have no responsibility. Seldom do I find a woman I can go to, they are escaping, wanting to come here once we get past the married, kid, dogs etc. Which means no escape for me because I have to find a way to deal with LeeAnn, Maggie and how late and when and all the B.S. that she gets to escape from.
I am waiting, I will find something as comfortable as she has at some point. In the mean time, she is happy and loving me so what can I say but, go have fun baby.
A little moody today.
5/19/2006 9:55 pm
I read your post with some interest as I've never heard anyone describe an open marriage in quite those terms. I'm curious about something, though. When you both have someone else, are you still intimate with each other? I would imagine so, but what I'm wondering is if your/her feelings get hurt or are you/her resentful when your spouse is too tired to have sex with you one night but is eager and ready to go the next night (or the night before) with someone else?|