PurplePeach72 44F  
7753 posts
8/19/2006 1:51 am

Last Read:
8/20/2006 6:22 am


I feel like my feelings and emotions are under the magnifying glass that the mean kids torture the ants with. Yeap, it’s anthill night for me. I’m so intuitive sometimes, that it’s to my own detriment, but I never just trust my senses because I know that magnifying glass is always worse when there’s a lot of emotional roller-coastering going on. So I 2nd guess everything. I knew that there was a re-evaluation going on, and frankly I felt like I failed inspection, for a lot of people.

I guess it’s time for me to have a good cry, but I can’t do it here, I’m not sure I can do it at all. I know out therapist will have me balling Monday because it’s just me there. I’m on a low in that roller coaster, and events conspired all week to spiral me lower and lower. Then I got a couple more good slaps in the face when I got to go out tonight for an unexpected night on the town. Ego was just not shining tonight, and bitch mode was full throttle. Just not feeling good enough.

I’m not feeling very good about myself right now, and that’s nobody’s fault but mine. I just don’t trust myself. I’m so stressed that I’m making stupid decisions and not thinking. I just want to daydream, sleep, and be alone or (the best) with the one who makes me feel good, just a few minutes in blissful forgetfulness, and freedom. I don’t want to keep hurting anyone, I don’t want to ask too much, I don’t want to complicate a good life, I just want everyone to get along and be happy. I’m feeling like an idiot, an overreacting, moody, spoiled bitch. I feel like cleaning the house, never a good sign. That’s what I did all day today, besides shuffling money to cover bills and try to leave a pad. I got lots done but my brain just hasn’t shut down all week.

Good thing, I called my little sister for some comfort. She gave me a good shoulder to cry on, and some very wise (and familiar) advise. I’m proud of her, she’s grown up so much since this time last year. She even offered to give me her truck to drive (she has no license), which was quite a generous offer. I’m glad I called her because she reminded me that I struggle with allowing myself to be happy, that I need to take care of me first, and fuck them all if they don’t get it. She reminded me that I am a survivor, and that I have her at my back. That means so much to me. So there’s my silver lining in this nasty summer emotional maelstrom I just came through.

My brain is like my Great Danes when they’ve been lucky enough to snatch a nice pre-softened rawhide chewy from the more distractible ones in the house. They get fixated on that chewy, and you can tell they just love that nice mushy pre-chewed bone, or knot. There is nothing better. I’ve seen them skip dinner with goodies in it to keep chewing a good bone. You know they’ll be starving in a while but they are not stopping, it’s just too good.

That’s a big part of the problem; there are lots of things that are too good to be true. Yet, too many others that should be and aren’t. I’ve just never been good at waiting to see how things turn out. If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, waddles like a duck and swims like a duck, it’s probably a duck, but be careful, it could be a goose or a swan.

Happy weekend to all you sexy friends in Blogland. A very Happy Birthday to M&M! {=}



hunterpt 54M  
13345 posts
2/12/2016 6:27 am

Happy week end. Kisses

rm_sexkitty0007 53M/48F

8/19/2006 10:24 pm

I wish I hadnt been asleep when you called last night, dammit you should have come and got me, we could have done some serious damage with the mood you were in, and I'd have joined in gleefully. LeeAnn, you second guess yourself so much. You must be your own worst enemy. I know I am mine...stop being so darn hard on yourself. Calm down.
Deep breaths (dont hyperventilate) and sleep. sweet, sweet sleep.
Call me.

SingleNLooking72 106F

8/19/2006 10:12 pm

Always here for you guys. Thanks for listening to me bitch about things earlier. Well, OK, it's wasn't really bitchin, but you know....

I hope you find the answers that you need. If either you need another long talk, you know where to find me.....

sexyariesgirl 57F

8/19/2006 9:16 am

LeeAnn....there is so much I would like to say....but don't know if I should or not. So much of this sounds SO familiar to me! Just know that I'm thinking of you girl! If you want...send me an email. Take care sweetie!

Power To FOK

PurplePeach72 44F  
9199 posts
8/19/2006 6:43 am

I hate your night was so tough. I had hoped you would have a surprise girls night out and get away for a little while. I am hoping that everyone can get along too. I have come to accept a lot. Don't know what time you crashed, but I hope you wake up feeling a little better, with every new morning there is a ray of sunshine.


rm_PurryKitty2 48M/50F
9753 posts
8/19/2006 6:10 am


The first good thing is that you are recognizing your feelings and questioning the decisions you are making. That says a lot about your caring nature.

Hang in there, it will all work out!

Purry {=}


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