That first night...  

PlatinumsTongue2 44M/38F
14 posts
2/28/2006 6:41 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

That first night...

There I was, with things begining to occur exactly as I had fantasized, and I was scared to death! He was gorgeous, and he'd just asked me to take him home with me for the night, but I was stunned into the most awkward silence of my life. It couldn't have lasted more than five seconds, but in that quiet, a million things raced through my mind: "I've only ever been with one man my entire 24 years, can I do this?" "What if he doesn't like the things that Chris likes, the things that I know, then what?" And the most important of all, "What is chris gonna say?" You see, I gave Chris a courtesy that he never gave me while he was out there cheating, I told him about James. Way before anything ever happened, when I first felt an attraction to him and knew that given a chance I would act on it, I told Chris. I told him about the teasing and flirting that took place,(or in my case, the blushing )Everything that there was to know, he knew. I had decided fairly early on, during a moment of soul searching, that although it was Chris's affair that had inspired me to have my own encounter, I wouldn't cheapen the experience by using it as a form of reveange. I told him the truth, that I was too dependant on him for self-actualization, that my self esteem was shot, and that this was what I intended to do about it. Believe it or not, he was alot more understanding than you might expect. He appololgized for his contribution to my low self esteem, he said that he wished I didn't feel the why I did but he knew why I did, and he promised to be supportive of me whatever I decided to do. So that night, sitting there in the bar across from James who was still waiting on my reply, Idid the only thing that I could think to do,...I smiled and excused myself to the restroom! I wasn't really going to the potty though, instead i went to the payphone and called home to talk to Chris. It was an awkward conversation, but one that I felt was necessary. I told him about James's advance and told him that I intended to follow through with it. I didn't want him up all night wondering where I was and if I was okay while I was in a hotel room with James, I felt he deserved more respect than that. Besides, I knew that feeling and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. When Chris finally responded, it wasn't what I expected. He said that if I was gonna go through with it, he wanted me to bring him home, to our place! He said that he didn't know James, and that he would feel better to know that I was safe. He would be in another bedroom, he said, and James would never have to know that he was there. I was stunned. How unconfortable would that be, not just for me but for Chris too. Our home, our bed, but he insisted and our daughter was spending the weekend with her grandma, so in the end, I gave. I walked back over to the table, and to James, appologized for my absence, and said with all the courage that I could muster, "still interested in that ride.....?"


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