Refused and Abused ?  

Philosophy_N_Sex 49M/47F
1147 posts
8/1/2005 10:50 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Refused and Abused ?

Song of the day: Don’t go away mad, just go away-Motley Crue


Yuck! How can I not be good enough? That fool made it, that idiot has what he wants? What is wrong with me that I can’t find the person I seek? Think of that idiot guy who hates women, yet gets laid every five minutes. Or that warm hearted, handsome guy who works himself to the bone is married to that shrew. Yet I am a complete person, and all I am told it “No Thank you?” If not ignored completely? Rejection, we have all had it, and will always have that stinging feeling inside us.

We all have a natural desire to be loved. We are programmed to seek acceptance, acknowledgements, and validation. Even those who seek “something extra” not a primary relationship wants someone who will validate, like, respect, and maybe even adore him/her.

One comes here looking for their “something.” To get that something we need another person. Here comes the first conundrum, others also fear being rejected, so they use self-defense measures. We will assume that your communication with the other person was thought out, and applied to their wishes. Maybe even you have spent some time with the person. The “hey want to fuck,” message will not be addressed, as rejection is what they sought from the start.

The first defense is dishonesty. Everyone here is appalled by the enormous amount of dishonesty. Well many feel that they are protecting themselves. If they lie, you reject a lie, not the person, so the liar has his/her self-concept intact when rejected. They never realize if they lie you are accepting the lie, not the person, and thus creating a rejection scenario. As rough as it is being rejected, it is better when someone gives you an honest “thanks but no thanks.” They have not attacked your person or your wishes, they are telling you the paths you both want to follow are different. Hurts, yes. Frustrating, yes. A fact of life, yes. An insulting “you suck” rejection should be discounted. They get their jollies from hurt. Why would you play that game when you get your jollies from joy, friendship, and the positive things of people? Does the little boy sticking his tongue out at you offend you? No it is funny actually.

However any reply to “no thank you” other than “thank you too, best wishes” Is going to hurt you more. Attempt to manipulate, threaten, stalk, strong arm or shame the other into seeing you. The threatened person will reject you further, and deeper. You will only hurt yourself further, and deeper. What joy can you have when they do not adore you, but they fear a threat? You can’t make a person love you, true love is of free will. To see some consequences of those who tried to make others love them, check out your local sex offender registry, yeah they thought, “ If only they would be closer to me, they would love me, or I am entitled to it!” You are FAR better than that, so let them go, and the hurt will go. A punching bag at the gym can help remove those dark feelings.

Another form of rejection is the “preemptive strike.” The person feels you are going to dump them first, or catch them in a lie, so they reject first. They do this as self-defense. They use a sour grapes approach, saying you were not that good anyway. Anyone who says, “I have never been rejected,” has not lived. That is a big red flag that they will preemptively strike you first with rejection. When a person suddenly does this 180 turn, it is hard to be offended. They are not the “drama free, mentally stable, mature and honest” person you wanted to bed down, they are back in 8th grade. Take the rejection as a gift, and do thank them, as they just saved you a lot of time and grief. Do remember the patterns of behavior of this type, when you see it again, they can’t blind-side you as easily.

Accept your part of the responsibility for the rejection. Are you dating a married person, that wants to go back to the spouse and make things right? Are you seeing someone with a long history of short term, bad ending flings? Do they have some addiction or disorder? Are they clueless as to what they even seek in any relationship? Do they constantly talk about other people and breed drama? Talk behind others backs? Constant “oh woe is me” crap. Dodges direct questions that need addressed? Well how can you expect to build anything when they have nothing to build with, or have no intension of improving themselves? It is unwise to attach your self-esteem to such sewage, and think shit won’t splatter on you. If they are “nothing” how can you be offended by the rejection from “nothing?”

Rejection will still hurt, always has, always will. The plan is to bounce back, and carry on. I do not advocate “tough love” but I know you can “own” your emotions and actions. You have had hot sex before, you will again. You have delighted in male/female energy before, you will again. You have laughed before, you will again. You have been sought out before, you will be again! You have loved before, you will again. You are a dynamic changing person, but do not give up who you are over another’s perceptions! Consequences will follow action, they will be miserable, you will have that with you seek.

Do what you enjoy, and seek what you enjoy. Do not let the person who rejected you win again and again by giving up all other joys in your life. Did not some rejection in your past lead to better opportunities? Dwell in your positive life, not the “what could have been” What “could have” been does not exist! If it does not exist how can you miss it?

Here are some famous “losers”

A teenager’s low popularity convinced her that she was not attractive. All those who had ignored her are now boasting that they had gone to school with Claudia Schiffer!
‘Balding, skinny, can dance a little,’ they said of Fred Astaire at his first audition.
Beethoven’s music teacher declared him ‘hopeless’ at composing.
Albert Einstein’s parents feared he was sub-normal.
An invitation was extended to witness one of humanity’s most historic moments ‒ the Wright brothers’ first flight in their heavier-than-air machine. Five people turned up.
Rudolph Valentino was reject by his first wife as a “bad lover.”
IBM thought Bill Gates was an idiot for developing software not hardware!
President Lincoln lost most of his elections!
George Washington lost more military battles than he won!

So as the tide changes so must your luck. To be true to others you must be true to yourself. Do seek a trusted soul to spill out your frustrations to. Remember that winners lose more than losers lose; winners keep losing until they win.

Keep your chin up! Have a great day!

ExploreMore4Me 59F

8/1/2005 11:16 am

P&S...MUCHO MUCHO HUGS & KISSES! Brilliant as usual! Exact as it should be! Poignant and effective...Naturally!
Nice Job!

Hugs & Kisses My Friend!


rm_bonfireguy 49M

8/1/2005 11:59 am

heading out of bloggerville...
not sure where my road will lead me, but just wanted to say thanks for sharing your comments with me!
I most surely will miss this group.
Take care.

rm_jayR63 59F
1884 posts
8/1/2005 4:49 pm

They said "She's a stoner and a half assed student except in PE and Art. She'll never amount to anything"

Who am I to argue

bigredeatsbush 51M/50F

8/1/2005 7:08 pm

Good thoughts as usual. I had a class reunion recently and felt considerably well recieved by many girls who turned a nose up at me in high school. Nerds rule after high school!

FunandFrisky79 41M/37F

8/1/2005 8:27 pm

Great blog, P&S! Very well put! You never cease to amaze me!


Philosophy_N_Sex 49M/47F

8/1/2005 8:52 pm

Bonfire-Sorry to see you go, hope you come back soon!

JayR-THEY are often mistaken, they need to get a life, unless of course you agree with they

BigRed-Yeah that is great the reunion crowd you can see all those beer belly ex studs, and former beauties haha it is great!

rm_vixenflir 58M
295 posts
8/2/2005 5:13 am

Amen brother! If they could see me now!!!!!

Bellefourchelove 62M

8/2/2005 9:54 am

Usually, all it takes to start a new love is a comment like, "nice shoes." Magic words work wonders--

Philosophy_N_Sex 49M/47F

8/2/2005 11:14 am

Hey FandF always nice to see you, thnk you for always beign so positive. You rule!

Vixen-Yeah personal success is always the best revenge!

Philosophy_N_Sex 49M/47F

8/3/2005 9:57 am

Hello Bellefourche- Yes people typically respond positivly to a positive comment.

rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
8/4/2005 6:35 pm

PNS what a mouthful. Perhaps necessity isn't the mother of invention afterall. Might just be failure.

[blog talldarkavg1]

Philosophy_N_Sex 49M/47F

8/7/2005 7:29 pm

Thanks Talldark!
you might jsut be right, good point!

man4email4sex 47M
1 post
8/7/2005 9:08 pm

Your the best! These words are singing to me! In fact I copied them into a document to save as a reminder. When you try your more than likely going to fail, but failure truly does breed success.

Philosophy_N_Sex 49M/47F

8/9/2005 9:43 am

Hi Man4Email

THank you for the compliment, and for taking the time to read and reply!

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