Lights, Camera, Action! no wait lights, camera, WORDS!  

Philosophy_N_Sex 49M/47F
1147 posts
9/15/2005 12:04 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Lights, Camera, Action! no wait lights, camera, WORDS!

Song of the day: Ironic ‒ Allanis Morrisette

Actions or intent?

I typically try not to see things in “black or white,” because people are typically more complicated than that. That is why I like being a “Personal Trainer” meaning I adapt to the person at hand. However some things in life just “are” or they “are not.” It is sunny out or it isn’t.

A few days ago a come across a blog that discussed guys who have sex with guys, but are not bi or homosexual. They claim is it valid to say “ I am not gay, I just have sex with guys.” My first reaction is WTF!? How can you possibly willingly have sex with other men, and not be gay or bi? Molestation does not count, only willing action.

Trying not to judge quickly or harshly, I thought about the possible valid reasons. One might be prison, 20 years no woman? Most guys when they return to civilian life resume relations with woman, and put the rest behind them. I considered the reverse. Many times homosexual people live traditional lives, unhappily, because society says marry, have kids and a house. So they live this life knowing something is missing. One day a moment of clarity hits, and boom, they make the change, and out of the closet they come. Is this similar self-denial as a guy who has sex with guys, but says, ”It is sex not a relationship, so I am straight, because I associate myself as straight.”

But! Why is the guy building the house next door called a construction worker? Because he is building a house! Why is my professor called professor? Because he will stand in front of a class and teach us stuff! Why is a serial killer a serial killer? Because they kill people! The SK might try to deny who/what they are, but still, even if they cant help it, they do what they do. Would these previously mentioned people be happier doing something else? Maybe? But for now we recognize them for what they do.

To have a “club” where guys put in straight porno films, then have sex with guys? This is a willing action, I am not speaking against it, do what you do, if you harm no one, knock your bad self-out. What I question is if you have sex with same sex, is that not gay? To assert “ Well can’t find a woman to give good head so a guy does it until I find a woman.” Is not the same as driving a Yugo until you can afford a Cadillac.

Your intent will not weaken consequences to your actions. Action causes reaction. Thought might cause rethought, but typically thought does not affect others. Actions affect others and self.

So I still assert actions do speak louder than words, or “intent.” My profession calls for putting plans into action. I have seen and heard nearly every excuse for non-compliance to a program. A client may have really wanted to modify diet and exercise, but they didn’t, and those extra pounds are still there. If they light up a smoke, they are still a smoker. I applaud smoking only half as much, but still you cannot be “half a smoker.” Just as those other folks cannot be 33% bi/gay. I know of the “continuum” saying nobody is 100% this or that, the continuum does not apply, I am talking conscience choice.

You are what you do. IF you are gay, have sex with your own gender, if you are bi have both, if you are hereto have the opposite. If you don’t like what you are doing, stop it. Not out to be vicious or seem narrow minded, but pretend you are on trial for your actions. If you have sex with the same sex, the court could prove you are gay. Just like those in prison who never intended to commit crime.

Silly Note:
I can teach smoking cessation, but I wont try to teach “gay” cessation.

Hope your day is well

Best Wishes!

bigredeatsbush 51M/50F

9/15/2005 5:36 pm

Do the ends justify the means? Or is that mean getting it in the end means your gay? Well, I'm not really into labeling people. We do need an agreed upon set of defined words to communicate however. I think the question here should be "what is gay?" or "what is bi-sexual?" If you have ever been curious and tried something with another man, are you bi-sexual? If you have been completely celibate with both sexes, but looking at guys gets you erect, is that enough to be gay? Are there guys out there having sex with other men that are in denial about being gay, I'm sure there are. Are there men out there that have had some sex with men during a threesome because the woman wanted then too (and liked it) but they say they are not bi, sure. I think an individual has the right to label themselves as they see fit, even if they are in denial. I will label them in private anyways. Guess my ramblings have no real point.

ExploreMore4Me 59F

9/15/2005 6:03 pm

Dear P&S...A Tao master would suggest to you that ALL thought affects ALL things as thought is energy and energy creates, therefore THOUGHT creates! Our Thoughts DO AFFECT all things, perhaps not on a recognizable level, but on a higher level! Great, great post!

Hugs & Kisses My Friend!


rm_luke69iner 48M
3275 posts
9/15/2005 8:40 pm

Great post P&S

I like Bigred and Explores comments as well

i think it's hard for people to openly accept labels that society doesn't view favorably. admitting gayness is such a big deal for gay people that they even have a phrase to describe it. I never had to come out of any closet to tell people i was straight.

I think it would be difficult to fully accept a negative label and psychological coping mechanisms such as partial to complete denial would be expected.

<<< Luke climbs atop of his Pillar of Judgment and shakes his finger at society.

“And I have known the eyes already, known them all---
The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase,
And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin,
When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall,
Then how should I begin
To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways?
And how should I presume?”
~T. S. Eliot~

S'io credesse che mia risposta fosse
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse.
Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo
Non torno vivo alcun, s'i'odo il vero,
Senza tema d'infamia ti rispondo

Philosophy_N_Sex 49M/47F

9/15/2005 8:57 pm

Red- Good points, I generally do not like to label either. Maybe it is polite or soemthing to jsut accept, and then have your own private opinions.

Yes Ido agree thoughts do create actions. We had to see the moon to fly there.
Hey Jezebelle-
I am nto a "basher" I am jsut wondering what others thought of saying one thing and doing another.. I am not a judge of consentign adults.

Philosophy_N_Sex 49M/47F

9/15/2005 8:59 pm

Ps I still can't type worth a damn!

Philosophy_N_Sex 49M/47F

9/15/2005 9:14 pm

I am not attacking any lifestyle! I am just asking are some people in denial. I am not trying to be negative, I am asking if it has feathers, a bill, webbed feet and quacks, what would you call it?

Philosophy_N_Sex 49M/47F

9/15/2005 9:20 pm

LOve has many many definitions, but different intent.

Love your sister, but not LOVE your sister.

Ok I will stop now... Will just go case by case person by person and since I do not really need to worry about who is doing who the point is moot.

rm_philonymph 38M
162 posts
9/15/2005 11:13 pm

my own 2 cents....

I think your sexual orientation is determined by who you are actually sexually attracted to, i.e., what turns you on. However, if you're just horny and you are open and comfortable enough with a friend who is there, two guys can get each other off and still not be gay. After all, we all know it's better when someone else does it.

rm_FreeLove999 46F
16127 posts
9/16/2005 12:20 am

in general, i don't like labelling. i think there is probably a whole spectrum of reasons already named here why someone might not accept the label. i prefer to let people label themselves, however they wish, but it backfired when i was younger as at university i had a friend who was in the process of accepting that he was gay, but didn't want to use the term, so then, neither did i. he later used this to "prove" i was homophobic ... nonsense, of course ... so now, i'm more inclined to label someone "gay" or "bi-" in my own mind, regardless of what label they give themselves.

[blog freelove999]

Philosophy_N_Sex 49M/47F

9/16/2005 10:46 am

Luke- Oh man I was going to throw a coming out party for you.. Being a straight guy in thsi society really draws ridicule! I hope you can endure, and even be bole enough ot take a lady out in public! hahaha

Philo: True enough, I would guess their would have to be such situations.

Freelove: I do not like to label either, let the person describe themselves. In my own mind I still call a duck a duck.

Philosophy_N_Sex 49M/47F

9/19/2005 12:08 pm

HB Girl yes you do make sense..

I wope nobody was offended, I was just wondering, if it is black, or white, or if life is just plain grey!

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