Philosophy_N_Sex 49M/47F
1147 posts
8/3/2005 9:42 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm


Song of the day: What a man-Salt-N-Peppa
Alternate: Macho Man-Village People
Alt #2: Walk like a Man-Frankie Valli

What does it mean to be a Man?

I am not out to gender bash, I personally do not believe in gender wars. These are just issues men and women face. Ideally we would be allies and these problems would disappear. But because what should be simple has become very complex we have a plethora of gender issues.

In an age where it is vogue to show men as selfish bumbling idiots, who only speak in ESPN terms, buys his wife a skill saw for her birthday, has to gawk at every pair of boobs with in 30 feet, and must satisfy his hard on every two minutes. (Some guys are idiots admitted,) but where do guys fit into the picture? What is a “Real Man?” Have guys cheated themselves out of respect?

Does a real man deny any emotion other than anger or laughter? Does he watch James Bond and John Wayne movies only? Is talking about how he feels going to cause castration? Do only real men serve in the armed forces, and all others are not men? Do real men go looking for fights? Must a real man play football, hockey, boxing, or macho sports? Are women prizes to prove you are a man? Is it proof you are a man if your lady is leggy, chesty, with a perfect round ass? Must you have many strong sons to show your virility to the world? Is only an ass kicking power house who bench presses no less than 300 LBS and has ten inch penis allowed to walk into the men’s room as a “man?”

If we look to the “macho” movies we will find the films appeal to emotions as well. Rocky was an underdog who won on heart and guts. Seagal and Van Damme type movies often show innocent people, usually family members being destroyed, and justice/vengeance is given at the end of the film. Rarely the hero breaks down blubbering in tears, but he mourns openly. Yes the revenge is an old fashioned ass kicking. Think about it not many criminals who kill families do so playing chess. Usually the hero is in a “macho” profession, Police, Military, ect. Even John Wayne was emotionally stirred, and had a cause to fight. If you compare the “chick flick” where the woman is often treated unfairly, a hero comes and empowers the heroine and they fall in love defeating the external conflict, in an emotional cry fest. The two concepts are actually synergistic. He kicks ass and saves the day she falls in love. She loves not to the fact that he kicks ass, but another character trait, but the ass kicking is appealing because safety is a primitive human emotion.

What of male and female roles? Because one is male is he naturally less nurturing to young children than a female? The child having the point of view of each parent is ideal, but will the child be harmed in a male parent house? The law traditionally says so. Is a guy a sissy to mop, do dishes, and wash clothes? What of service men? They swab the deck, someone has laundry detail, and do the women in the service only do “female jobs?” Even the cowboys on cattle drives had a cook, who was male. Is driving a chuck wagon all day, setting up a hot fire and a meal for 20 or so men, after you were up before everyone else a “wuss?” What of male nurses? Male office assistants? Male daycare workers, and elementary school educators?

What of legal issues? Many safety classes say to assume all men are . What of abuse? The mere report of abuse, the man has to prove innocence. He could get tossed from his house if the woman is conniving enough. However about 20% of the women I know have been abused. If Child Services are called on a single male parent, again guilty until proven innocent. The children are pulled, given physicals and psych tests, while the report can be anonymous no chance to confront the accuser. If either doctor wants to make issues they can. But on the reverse, look at the sex offender registries, about 70 men per woman listed. Obviously any type of real man will not abuse, but due process might not be in his favor if a false accusation arises. However and abuse are very underreported crimes. Also date drugs. “Men” out there will just feel entitled to take her, because she is there. She wakes up, feeling sore down there with only nightmare imagines in her head. If he leaves no DNA, he will walk. Women do face a “good old boys club” at times.

Then if a women is “married seeking discreet on the side.” the common reply is “poor darling not getting what you need at home? Seeking some naughty play? awwwww how cute!” If a man says “married seeking discreet on the side.” The reply is a hostile, “keep it in your pants, and take it home to your wife where it belongs, you trash fucking whore monger!” The only information given was “married on the side” We do not know who is really the cheating dog, and who has the innocent spouse. What if the married people talked and are open? What if one spouse has illness or injury and is not capable of sexual activity? What if they have a “keep it away from home, don’t wave it in my face” agreement? Obviously a true man would not lie and cheat and cause hurt, but what if “gray area” exists? It is just assumed who is in the wrong. It takes two to tango. Is it that we think “Real Men” get laid, because if you are a ”man” women want you?

What of paying for date? Men still expected to pay? What if she has higher status job, and she asked him out? Is it right to ask before? Dutch? Women always mock the “cheap ass” but some are offended by him not respecting her as an equal? Personally I would ask, if she gets pissy, then she can’t talk about money, and is not girlfriend or wife material. If I ask her out, I will fit the bill. However we do not have an accepted protocol out there.

We always hear “men never” “he wont” “He doesn’t” Women need men as much as a fish needs a bicycle, or what do you call a woman? Life support system for a pussy. Dad warns his son of the “gold digger.” On and on this fight goes. So what is a “Man” to do?

Well I never hold that much weight in the gender wars. Too much fraternization with the enemy! Neither side is completely innocent or completely guilty. No matter which plumbing you are packing in your blue jeans, you are a human being. You will follow the curve of human nature, which is getting the most from the path of least resistance.

I also do not give any weight to the no win situation, the dammed if you do dammed if you don’t scenario. Men and women do need each other, when done right the synergy is incredible. When one tries to ONE UP the other, problems start.

I would say a “Real Man” does the best he can. He lives his life as he sees fit, and women who find him attractive will seek him out. He gives courtesy, and stands up for the weaker. He treats both genders with the same consideration. As much as women should do what she can to avoid psycho men, he should also avoid the psycho woman. Think of the film Fatal Attraction and Sleeping with the Enemy. People with these disorders will tip their hand sooner rather than later. He supports his children both materially and emotionally, and avoids the drama and power plays, or looks to the big picture, the welfare of the children. Soon the child will be 18, and the drama will end, the child, as a young adult will see who was right and who was wrong.

I do not have being the perfect male down, as of yet. I am silly, I am flawed, and some times get emotional with some shows. So I ask, what do you think a “Real man” is, what does a real man do? How does a real man act? Is it a subjective issue? Does the “real man” look at himself in the mirror each day and know if he is real or not? Does he have to justify himself or he just is?

rm_vixenflir 58M
295 posts
8/3/2005 10:38 am

The best I can offer you here is to agree with your line, " the real man - does the best that he can." The "Perfect Man" that society judges as being so and throngs of woman who surf this site looking for is pretty much un-acheivable. Just as everyone is different - every man has his strengths and weaknesses. A guy may be a good father, but a lousy lay. A guy may be good at talking to woman, but can't hold down a job to provide. NO-ONE is the perfect male because we are all flawed somehow. Ya just got to "do the best ya can!". S

mi_mwpm 51M

8/3/2005 10:41 am

Real men just are. They don't have to carry on as macho assholes, they don't have to regale their buddies with their sexual exploits (at least not without her permission and/or participation ), they don't use date drugs... period, and they always try to do what's right - sometimes they screw it up, but they keep on trying.

cutecrip 47M

8/3/2005 10:41 am

Excellent post! You raise some good questions but I think once again it boils down to the perception of the individual. As a man I can say most men are mindless idiots controlled by one thing....the desire to conquer. There are always exceptions to the rule of course, but a real man will always be true to himself despite any adversities he may encounter. How many men have acted differently in front of his friends so he wasn't perceived as "pussy whipped" or "soft"? How many men will go the extra lengths to please someone else with no ulterior motive? A real man can show emotion, sensitivity, caring, compassion without worry of how he'll be judged! Just one mans opinion of course! Thank you for the was a good one and should provide interesting points of views...I'll be back!
Stay well, One love and God bless!

bigredeatsbush 51M/50F

8/3/2005 2:28 pm

Ah, the real man question... Katey - I like your Real Human Concept!

Well, I'm inclined to not really get into this one unless I am being silly. I kidd around a lot and play the "macho man" with my wife, but she knows when it's all said and done I was just kidding. I get away with "Where's my Dinner, Woman" because I do my fair share of the cooking (especially in the summer with the BBQ).
My concept of a real man (or "real human")is a fatherly (or motherly)figure who gets out in the world and works hard to provide for his (or her) family, passes up that big promotion because it would take time away from the home; (s)he doesn't have to prove anything to other people because (s)he knows who (s)he is, a real sense of humility. Most of all (s)he is comfortable in his own skin. Of course (s)he knows how to treat a woman (his fellow man as well for that matter), but (s)he doesn't go bragging about it. They just know what needs to be done and does it because it needed to be done!
I am aspiring to be that man, I haven't gotten their yet. Perhaps being comfortable with that is the best I can do for now. Thanks for provoking my thoughts!

Philosophy_N_Sex 49M/47F

8/3/2005 3:57 pm

VixenFlir- Glad you agree that a man knows when he is doing his best, and can look at himself in the mirror. I suppose guys want that holly body babe, who wouldn't? but reality kicks in. Yes being super person is not possible, for either gender.

Philosophy_N_Sex 49M/47F

8/3/2005 4:00 pm

JF- Yes macho pricks are an embarressment to us guys. All about me should be out with the dinosaurs. However it is still out their for what ever reason. Growing, learning, wantign what is best for loved ones, hummm makes men and women not so far apart after all.

Philosophy_N_Sex 49M/47F

8/3/2005 4:08 pm

Hey Crip thanks for stopping by

Yes the desire to conquer and rule seems to be a programmed trait. People who have power will not give it up, even at the expense of the common good, example the patriot act being passed to continue forever. When sport teams or fighters taunt saying " Bitch" trying to remove the others persons power and game focus.

Yes I have done stupid things in high school to not be labeled a "wuss" motorcycle jump a ditch, go kick the nerd kid ect. When I look back, I was not in control, and doing stupid thigns made me the "bitch."
However enlighten men like you do show up and make things better for all. I can see you standing up for someone who can't stand up for themselves. Giving up something so the truely deserving can have.

Thank you for stopping by!

Philosophy_N_Sex 49M/47F

8/3/2005 4:10 pm

Ms Katey
Yes you may print it out, thank you for adding it to your notebook. Much of my stuff compaired to yours is drivel.

Yes human kind will survive better when we stand together, and loose the "we" vs "They"

Philosophy_N_Sex 49M/47F

8/3/2005 4:13 pm

We seem to have a few things in common, collabriation is better than subjectgation (sp). I too joke with my wifey alot. walk in Yo bitch wheres my dinner? hahaha if things are not thrown at me then she is in a playful mood

Yes if one can truely look back and know what was right and what was wrong, tries to fix the wrong, then s/he is doing fine.

FunandFrisky79 41M/37F

8/3/2005 9:22 pm

I agree with all the posts here!

A real man is confident with his manhood and knows how to treat others with respect. He should be capable of providing for his family (whether it be financially, emotionally, physically, etc), and shouldn't be concerned about being labeled a "wuss". Personally, I think men who constantly feel the need to "prove" themselves are overcompensating for their insecurities. And, these "men" are NOT marriage (or boyfriend) material in my eyes.

Marriage is all about compromise. Men and women both have their "roles" and should appreciate one another's sacrifices and contributions. Too many couples take each other for granted, and they don't realize what they have until it's too late.

Great blog as usual, P&S! You rock!!!


Philosophy_N_Sex 49M/47F

8/4/2005 9:04 am

You are wise beyond your years. Wow a hot body great mind and emotional maturity, you are too much! You will do well.

Hello Jezebelle
Wow you father was quite a guy. A fine example for other men to look to. I hope I can become that type of man, and make a positive difference. Thank you fro stopping by! very nice to see ya!

patsam69 51M/51F

8/4/2005 1:10 pm

My husband has never been more sexy to me then when he is loading the dishwasher and washing the pots from dinner. Yes, folks, he does this EVERY night. He changed diapers, and got up with the babies some nights so I could sleep. He has actually taken the vaccuum out of my hands to give me a break. He is funny, intelligent, kind and the best father I could ever ask for for my children. To me...he is what a real man should be. a real man makes sure his family comes first. A real man plays with his kids. A real man can talk with his wife even about emotional issues. A real man LIKES football...but it is not the end of the world if he misses a game to play in the pool with his kids. A real man will sacrifice and compromise to make his wife happy, as the wife should do the same for him. I have a real man...and am I lucky!!!

FunandFrisky79 41M/37F

8/4/2005 5:35 pm

Awww, P&S! You are too sweet! You always know how to make me smile! Your wife is a very lucky lady! (I'm jealous!)

The reason I am "wise beyond my years" is because I have had ALOT of life experience in the 25 years I have been here. Besides, I have incredible parents who have taught me very well! Like you said in a previous post, it's all about the parenting!


rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
8/4/2005 6:30 pm

PNS, encapsulated and not hard to swallow. Well done!

[blog talldarkavg1]

Philosophy_N_Sex 49M/47F

8/4/2005 8:17 pm

PatSam-Hello again
Seems I have soem things in common with your hubby, I do alot of house stuff. I love to play with kids, often, they are very energizign to be around, usually . I am glad you are happy and have a great man!

F&F- You do seem like you might have learned a few hard lessons early in life. Don't be jelous, I am not that great, I snore!

Thank you kind sir, also nice to have a master writer stop by and say positive things, Your time is appreciated!

Philosophy_N_Sex 49M/47F

8/7/2005 7:28 pm

Well Humbold you must be a great parent! Well done with your son!

FunandFrisky79 41M/37F

8/7/2005 9:46 pm

P&S- I don't mind if you snore. In fact, I don't think I have ever been with a man who didn't. So, I am used to it! Besides, I am not concerned with your "sleeping" habits...


rm_marcpiery 55M
1 post
8/9/2005 5:01 am

It seems that many here miss the main point of this blog, all revering the "evolved" man, etc. It does boil down to a man doing and being the best that he can. Men come in all types, but the idea that the majority of men are predatory beings hunting the victomized pussy is nothing more than a reiteration that all men are . In my work, during my lifetime, I have met perhaps 120,000 men or more (I used to work for the U.S. Dept. of Veterans Affairs), the vast majority being hard working, considerate and polite. Of those men, I knew of about 6 or 7 and about a dozen and a half assorted criminals. The problem today is the politically correct ideology that men are inferior troglodites. Want proof of the opposite? Look and the Golden Gate Bridge, Hoover Dam, The Empire State Building, or the Space Shuttle. This is a very abbreviated list, but it does demonstrate that men are not "simple." Complex ideas do not spring from simple minds. Also, some of our greatest military heroes, men that make Rambo look absolutely "girly," outwardly have more in common with Pee Wee Herman. You look at them, and you would never guess that they were recipients of medals of honor or navy crosses. Audey Murphy, one of WWII's greatest and most decorated heroes, was less than five and a half feet tall and weighed in about 120 lbs. He was quiet and shy, and probably overlooked by women constantly (sometimes I wonder if women know how to guage a man). In my work at the VA, i've known many quiet, shy heroes. Humility is part of being a man. Letting the other guy go first is a part of that. How many of you guys out there have played the "you first" game at a doorway. Men are still being raised to be courteous and polite, to a much greater degree that society admits. One thing does stand out. When really necessary, all men are capable of being that John Wayne character. And that is the point. Manhood is less about bulging biceps and all about character (having been a power lifter in my youth, physical strength only make you popular on moving day). Perhaps one day, men will be respected again, and valued for all of the contributions they have made over the past many millenia.

Philosophy_N_Sex 49M/47F

8/9/2005 9:41 am

Thanks for the indepth reply. I have found many of the women I am around insulted by the media portrial (sp) of men. Are brothers, Fathers, Uncles all ? All idiots? No not at all.

I have helped victims, some women grow to hate men, but a majority suddenly see those "predator types." They realize the cues he showed. ANytime a man moves a certain way she will react defensivly. Most realize that men are human beings as well.

I too am offended by the constant portryal of men as bumbeling idiots, and shows like king of queens and life with Jim keep the trend going.

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