Cold Wife 101  

Philosophy_N_Sex 49M/47F
1147 posts
7/8/2005 2:46 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Cold Wife 101

Welcome to an introduction to the cold wife lifestyle.

Cold wife, frigid wife, ice queen, or bed lump.“ You see her walking with a scowl on her face, she is dressed in unflattering clothes. She talks in a shrill bitchy voice that sounds like fingernails over a chalkboard. As she walks along nagging constantly, you see behind her, shuffling his feet, head down shoulders slumped, her husband.” Think of Harry Mudd and his wife Stella on the original Star Trek.

Many husbands find they have entered the frigid wife lifestyle with out discussion or a choice. She is not cold because of physical aliments, but because she seems to have given up on sex. This is never a fantasy among men surveyed.

Here are some types of frigid wives:
Something in the wedding cake: Once she got to eat wedding cake, her sex drive went from over drive into reverse.
Parents persuaded: Well she was a “nice girl” in high school, but she can stop being so nice now.
30-year headache: She is going for a world record of nights with a headache.
Space Aliens must have done something: No mater what you tried, romance, attention, talking, or begging she stays cold.
Some psychology experiment: You hope she says congrats we went “x” numbers of years without sex, we won millions!

Now we will compare and contrast the swingers, hot wives, and the frigid wives.

General appearance:
Swingers and hot wives will have a smile, spring in their step, and a sexual glow about them. The Frigid wife will mope through the day, looking for things to bitch and gripe about. Only then does a look of satisfaction show in her face.

When the wife sees you watching porno movies
Swinging wife: Oh my God, I wish they were here so we could take them to the hot tub, yummy!
Hot Wife: Oh my God, I wish that guy were here so I could do both of you, yummy!
Frigid wife: Oh my God, I wish you would throw that shit in the trash, sick!

Talking Dirty:
Swingers and hot wives: Oh yes! I am naughty! spank my bad girl ass, then do me like a bitch in heat! Do it now dammit!
Frigid wife: Have you taken out the trash, and cleaned the toilet yet? Do it now dammit!

Church and spiritual life
Swingers and hot wives: will have healthy spiritual lives, but keep their adventures discreet.
Frigid wives: The husband is beginning to believe in Immaculate Conception.

Where can a single guy find a frigid woman to marry?
Republican National Convention (I am joking, really, but could not resist J !)
Church camp
June Cleaver fan club
Mental hospital
Weird cult
Husbands on AdultFriendFinder

How do I attract a frigid woman?
Never talk about sex or women in a sexual manner
Wear a suit all the time, and full body pajamas
Turn the TV off and act appalled when anything sexual comes on
Repeat how immoral everyone else is

Use the following words in the following context only!
Sex-to define gender
Cock-A rooster
Pussy-A house cat
Bush- our beloved Commander n Chief
Weiner- A hot dog
Congress-A legislative body
Water Sports-Sport played at a body of water
Ass- A beast of burden mentioned in the bible
Hot Wife- A married lady who needs air conditioning
Swinger-People on a swing set at the park
Extra Man-A guy about to get laid off from his job

Advantages to the husband of this lifestyle
Will be able to have time to do other things before bed, and get more done.
Can enjoy the curve of a soda bottle
The crack of dawn takes on new significance
Every Sperm is sacred!

Advantages for the wife:
No sweaty guy on you, so fewer showers
Your ass can get fat, because it does not matter
You do not have to think of a pet name for your husband’s penis
You save money on lingerie and use grammas old clothes and panties

Apolybear 54M

7/8/2005 7:28 pm

Another masterpiece P&S. You're the man

Stella and Harry Mudd - way too funny LOL

ExploreMore4Me 59F

7/9/2005 9:23 am

OMG...P&S...You gotta stop! (NO...Don't!) I'm laughing way too hard...this's soooooooo true! My ribs can't take much more today! LOL


Philosophy_N_Sex 49M/47F

7/9/2005 11:18 am

Thank you again bear, you are too cool for your own good!

EM4M you do make my day with you complimentive posts, and enjoy your thoughtful blog as well

patsam69 51M/51F

7/9/2005 6:24 pm

Too freaking funny! now you need to write about how to find the loser husband who lays on the couch all day. Luckily i did not marry one...but I know many who have!

Philosophy_N_Sex 49M/47F

7/9/2005 8:18 pm

Oh A loser hubby, good idea will work on it

Philosophy_N_Sex 49M/47F

7/9/2005 8:19 pm

Hi MzH you are too cool!

see us younger guys can be creative wink!

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