"We" vs "They"  

Philosophy_N_Sex 49M/47F
1147 posts
9/23/2005 12:36 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

"We" vs "They"

Song of the day: Fly like an Eagle ‒ Steve Miller

Doesn’t it just piss you off when you meet somebody new, and they give you the look and attitude of “ OH, you are one of those!” Then they give you this holier than thou attitude. Does that not piss you off to no end? Suddenly you are “one of those” and anything you do in life is wrong because you are “one of those.” Anything you say must be worthless because you are “one of those!” Ever encounter this?

My personal example is that because I am a graduate student and a stay at home parent “ I don’t work!” Man I wish! Following around a toddler and 4th grader all day is a vacation to me! Because I am male and do not work outside the home I must be a lazy freeloader! What are the other possibilities? I remember a past job I would fly to some away from home location, got up at 6 am eastern time (4am to me) set up the testing area, trained staff, completed 70 plus fitness tests, put up with government officials who are the most clueless people I have ever met, thus put in a 10 to 12 hour day. I was never as tired physically or mentally as am parenting, not even close. But yet “I don’t work!”

However, we seemed to be programmed to have the “we” vs. “they” gene. We join clubs to be with like people. When at war “they” must do everything evil ever thought of, to justify the animals we become when at war. Most religions say they are the right ones, while all non-believers are going to hell, well what they call a non-believer. The we vs. they has united people for all times. I am sure cave dwellers figured the other tribe must do awful things besides take the best hunting grounds.

I am guilty of the “we” “they” thing as well. Aggressive drivers, people who swear loudly around kids, drama breeders, and loud mouths know it alls. I have to consciously make myself not think the worst of those folks, but most of the time I think to myself “dumbass alert, beep beep beep beep, Scotty raise shields, we have a dumbass approaching.”

So maybe we are not hard wired to live and let live. Our ancestors probably could not survive with such an attitude. However I do believe cooperation was one of our best evolutionary tools. One caveman with club against a saber toothed cat, not good odds. 10 cavemen with clubs against a big cat, good odds the cat will back down. So to rally as a united human race we will need alien space invaders, or the population to unite on a “philosophical” cause so all can have a better life not just a few. We all know which has the better odds of happening.

Have an excellent weekend!!

FunandFrisky79 41M/37F

9/23/2005 3:24 pm

P&S- Yeah, I don't care for those types of people either!

I think first impressions are very important. I'm not usually a judmental person. However, if you rub me the wrong way when we first meet, chances are I'm going to form a negative opinion about you. I think that's just human nature. No one wants to be surrounded by negative people! Least of all, ME!


rm_jayR63 59F
1884 posts
9/23/2005 5:50 pm

First impression are important and they are sometimes wrong.
Give it time.
If Grog retains that attitude, Grog is simply unenlightened.

wyvernrose 38F
3895 posts
9/23/2005 5:57 pm

you get that too do you thought it was just me even if they aren't so straight up rude about it, it shows in how they simply exclude you from the conversation

ho hum oh well


AltumHunksUnite 53M

9/23/2005 7:31 pm

Still, we have a way of coming together in a crisis, for the most part anyway.

Let me drive. I like the view

bigredeatsbush 51M/50F

9/23/2005 8:19 pm

Good thing you only told them you're an unemployed grad student; you would have really gotten a dirty look if they knew you moved here from California (Just Kidding )

hourglasses 47F

9/24/2005 6:15 am

Its kind of funny - my Dad was in the military for 23 yrs, then he retired and went to collage when I was in high school. So he was our stay at home parent for 3 years. No one ever gave him shit about it. I don't know if it was because my sister was 12 and I was 15 and he didn't have to do a great deal of Mom type stuff for us. He did take us to all our doctor's appointments which was so annoying because the doctors always thought he was a 'character'.

Then I have this uncle who hurt his back and is on disability. So since my aunt has a good job, it made more sense to just have him at home taking care of their 6 yr old son. For some reason a lot of our family thinks he's a freeloader. So maybe it has something to do with the age of the child.

You can always think of 'them' as 'one of those families where both parents work and don't give enough attention to their children' and then look down on them

digdug41 49M

9/24/2005 11:12 am

hey man that is absolutely a great blog I couldnt have written it better myself being a mr mom sucks at time but its fun watching my kid grow up I look at it like this when I am back in the work force I wont be able to interact with them as much so I'm enjoying it while it lasts because it is coming to a close and as far as those holier than thou types I always think of that skit from dr.dre's first album they can git DEEEEESE NUUUUUTS! have a good one bro see ya roun blog land

roaming the cyber streets of blogland

Philosophy_N_Sex 49M/47F

9/24/2005 12:51 pm

Hey F&F
How is the lovely bride to be? Yeah those types are annoying, haha and now we just called them those types haah funny

Yeah they are everywhere the judgers or what ever you call them. The want you to apologise for beign who you are or something, lame!

Yes usually people can coem together for a common good cause. Unless you can loot free tvs!

Oh, yeah, I would never say I am from California and just moved to Boise, I forgot all the harassment given to the californicators! Ooops just kidding I was born in Seattle but moved here when I was 5 years old, so Idaho matives consider me one of their own.. Until they find out I am not Mormon, then I am an out cast again! Glad to see you bloggin again!

Maybe they figured your dad by military service put in his time, and is popular with realitives. Maybe he would jsut kick their ass if they said anything? The uncle might be nice and not be am ass kicker so they feed him gruff.. Got to love family sometimes! Yes I do not want to be one of those families that jsut has two jobs alot of toys and never knows their kids.. hte song cats in the cradle!

Hey DigDug!
Glad to meet another guy stay at home parent! Take care!

Philosophy_N_Sex 49M/47F

9/24/2005 12:54 pm

Oh shoot
Hi JayR! thanks fro stopping by!

I am often very wrong on many parts of my first impressions. I try to let the other person fill in the blanks, so I do not assume ass u me..
there are far to may "grogs" in the world

xx_44DD_xx 51F

9/25/2005 1:14 pm

Are you in Boise? For real!! OMG!

I grew up in Warm Springs, camped in Mc Call, skiied at Bogus Basin and we vacationed in Sun Valley. Still have rental property there and family in Twin Falls.

What a small world.

I use to really care what people thought, seriously. The (old) co-dependent side of me was like "QUICK! Think of a way to get them to like and accept you."

Now? It's like "Oh fuck off, I'll flick boogers on you if you keep pissin' me off!"

Philosophy_N_Sex 49M/47F

9/25/2005 1:57 pm

Hi Miss H

THank you for thinking I am a nice guy.. I was a nice guy once, but not twice as of yet

rm_1hotwahine 63F
21091 posts
9/25/2005 8:08 pm

Cleavis had a good point, definitely.
Also, there are a lot of we/they ways of looking at things that isn't particularly negative, and just based on whether or not we have shared experiences. When I start my "there are two kinds of people in this world" speech my friends groan and walk away. What follows that phrase can be anything from 'those who have had to deal with weight issues and those who didn't' or those who still have their parents and those who don't' or those who like black licorice and those who don't' etc. I have no idea what my point is. Goodbye.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]

rm_FreeLove999 46F
16127 posts
9/26/2005 2:21 am

i previously took 4 years off to recoup after a major family upset and to write my book -- people treated me as a freeloader (we had no kids at the time) and even told me i was abusing my husband. my husband was retrenched in march; we have full time nanny but he is not working in paid work -- however, he is a very busy activist running around saving people from evictions, helping with youth and women's groups, etc etc. so far he has not received nearly as much flack about not working as i received -- i am just glad he has the opportunity to do this amount of activist work.

on the other subject of your blog -- whether you are also quick to label and criticise, i know it sounds like a glib cliche, but i did actually spend some time thinking about it (read you last night and came back after my bath (meditation) this morning .... we all have prejudices, jump to conclusions, label each other, etc etc. we do have to make snap decisions about people a lot as you don't always have time to ponder -- and it is good to draw on previous experience, as long as you don't let it define all future experience.

to some extent we are like that because that is how the world is, to some extent the world is this way because of who we are (yes, chicken-egg conundrum). usually when we curse stupidity and lack of caution in others, it is a side of ourselves we are cursing at the same time (cos come on -- we all do stupid things and take risks).

[blog freelove999]

Philosophy_N_Sex 49M/47F

9/26/2005 9:10 pm

Yes for real right on broadway, here in boise. I do know where twin falls is as well

Thanks for thinking I am nice hehehehe.. can I stop paying you now to tell people I am nice?

Oh weight loss Issue, right up my alley!

Dont you love how people can run your life better than you can! Geez some people!

venusianuranian 46M/45F
1 post
10/8/2005 12:02 pm

There is more of a chance of being invaded by aliens than for all humans to unite on a "philosophical" cause. Humans are genetically not programmed to do such. We only cooperate with other humans when there is a clear advantage for the individual to do so. The "We" vs. "They" mentality is directly tied to evolution (survival of the fittest). I patiently wait for intergalactic visitors.

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