Looney Laws  

Pheonix_Dragon 105G
189 posts
7/29/2006 1:43 pm

Last Read:
8/7/2006 9:12 am

Looney Laws

Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation. Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second takes over.

Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly. Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion the stooge's surcease.

The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken. Such an object is inevitably priceless, the attempt to capture it inevitably unsuccessful.

Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter. Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the specialty of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout- perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.

Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot. This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to trick an opponent will be unable to pursue him into this theoretical space. The painter is flattened against the wall when he attempts to follow into the painting. This is ultimately a problem of art, not of science.

All principles of gravity are negated by fear. Psychic forces are sufficient in most bodies for a shock to propel them directly away from the earth's surface. A spooky noise or an adversary's signature sound will induce motion upward, usually to the cradle of a chandelier, a treetop, or the crest of a flagpole. The feet of a character that is running or the wheels of a speeding auto need never touch the ground, especially when in flight.

As speed increases, objects can be in several places at once. This is particularly true of tooth-and-claw fights, in which a character's head may be glimpsed emerging from the cloud of altercation at several places simultaneously. This effect is common as well among bodies that are spinning or being throttled. A 'wacky' character has the option of self- replication only at manic high speeds and may ricochet off walls to achieve the velocity required.

Any violent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent. Cartoon cats possess even more deaths than the traditional nine lives might comfortably afford. They can be decimated, spliced, splayed, accordion-pleated, spindled, or disassembled, but they cannot be destroyed. After a few moments of blinking self-pity, they re-inflate, elongate, snap back, or solidify. Corollary: A cat will assume the shape of its container.

Everything falls faster than an anvil. Examples too numerous to mention from the Roadrunner cartoons

For every vengeance there is an equal and opposite re-vengeance. This is the one law of animated cartoon motion that also applies to the physical world at large. For that reason, we need the relief of watching it happen to a duck instead.


florallei 99F

7/29/2006 2:54 pm

hello

My first visit to your blog. TY for your visit to mine.
I hated these cartoons when I watched them...perhaps an indication that I am easily frustrated or wishing that the poor road runner or Sylvester the cat can just for once be victorious or else give up already, hehehe....It makes the underdog an enemy and the villain the poor slob....I don't know, maybe it is only my perception...Do I need a therapist you think?
flo


__poet__ 45M
3583 posts
7/29/2006 5:10 pm

My first visit too and thanks for stopping in mine...

Funny how we correlate everything to childhood memories...lol

"There are no shortcuts to life's greatest achievements; therefore we take these risks not to escape life but to prevent life from escaping us!"poet
Come visit my little corner to hide...


PrincessKarma 43F
6188 posts
8/6/2006 6:56 pm

Law of transvestite optics, AKA crossdressing prism: Any character in drag is unrecognizable by any other character on screen even when they have known each other for decades. Reference: any time Bugs Bunny dresses like a woman.

The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma


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