I need some advice  

Peche85 31F
828 posts
9/2/2006 11:50 pm

Last Read:
9/5/2006 4:57 pm

I need some advice


I was talking to a friend earlier and he asked a simple question of how did I end up in this flat with my current flatmates. So that took me back to last year, when I first moved to Hamilton and moved in with S, my best friend at the time.

She moved out about 4 months later and I havn't spoken to her since. That was in April last year and the longer it gets the more I miss her.

And when I was talking to him it hit me. Shes not going to be there for my 21st! Her family treated me like part of their family. I was there every day before school and after school. Her parents called me their favourite daughter. We did EVERYTHING together.

And we just stopped talking to each other for stupid reasons. And it is the one thing I regret more than anything else.

At the time, I was waiting for her to apologise for something stupid. And I don't think she had any idea why I wasn't talking to her. She moved out about 2 weeks after I stopped talking to her. I tried to be okay with it, especially around the other 2 flatmates who were sick of her aswell. But inside I was so gutted. I couldn't believe that she would just toss our friendship away like that and not try to talk to me. And I was too stubborn to talk to her first.

I wish I had asked her not to move out. Or at least apologised and tried to make up before she moved out. Maybe it would have been different living in different houses. I just kept blaming her.

She did talk to me a little bit, since we worked together she asked me if I wanted to do a job our boss called her about but I just said no. Sometimes I can be so stubborn. All I could think about was how she wasn't apologising and I shouldn't have to put up with her moods.

But looking back, I was so much worse than her. She started seeing a guy I didn't really like in our first year at uni while we were at the halls. And I hated most of my floor, so I couldn't stand it that she was spending so much time with him. Instead of making friends with others I would mainly just stay in my room. I know I was being such a bitch to her but I couldn't see it at the time. I know her boyfriend didn't like me much, but one day he turned to me and said "this is a good day, I finally feel like I can call you my friend". He is a good guy. I guess it was easier to blame him for taking my best friend away from me than blaming her or myself for being a jealous bitch.

Luckily I've grown up since then lol. I think it was just because at the time I hadn't really had a proper boyfriend. So I didn't understand that she needed to spend so much time with him. It didn't help that I was kinda depressed. Its hard moving away from home and living with a group of people that aren't nice. And then when your best friend has someone else its even worse.

But it wasn't her fault. I was just too selfish to see what I was doing. And I still can't believe that I havn't spoken to her for so long. Sometimes we walk passed each other at uni, but we both just look the other way.

I thought about emailing her on her 21st, saying I was sorry about everything and that I missed her but understood that shes probably moved on and has new friends now. But I chickened out.

It was hard enough knowing that she was having a 21st that I wasn't there for! But now its going to be my 21st and her and her family won't be there.

I still think about her all the time, and have thought about trying to talk to her, but I don't know how she would feel.

So I thought maybe people who read this could leave a comment and just say whether or not you think it would be a good idea to try talking to her. Thanks.

blastngoff 52M

9/3/2006 1:03 am

I will try to pass along the "sage" wisdom that comes with age. I ran into a similiar incident with a friend of mine recently who hadn't spoken to someone for two years and I inquired why. It too was over something rather simple and silly, but since each one was too stubborn to make the first move they quit talking, quit being best friends, and grew apart. They are know taking the slow and sometimes akward steps towards getting back together. All it took was to look at the situation which caused it, realizing that it was not that important (at least not worth losing someone you care for), and making that first move. You, like she seem to be missing a huge part in their lives and are hurting. There are times in our lives when you have to kind of swallow your pride, get a bit of courage, and take that first step towards attempting reconciliation. If it were something major which happened between you two then I would say let it go...but we need at times to forgive and forget and move on. If she and her family played such a role in your life and that is now an empty void please make the first move and see if you two and get over it all and patch things up. What would it hurt? Sure it could go bad, but be an optimist and go in with a positive attitude. Don't let the chance to mend fences go by if it is bothering you that much. Give it your best shot and I don't think that you will regret it and if she and her family do come back into your life you just may find that she was or is still a true friend who cares and loves you. A good friend is hard to find and sometimes hard to keep but the opportunity is there - take it for your and her's sake.


chasingfun27 38M
1108 posts
9/3/2006 1:15 am

    Quoting blastngoff:
    I will try to pass along the "sage" wisdom that comes with age. I ran into a similiar incident with a friend of mine recently who hadn't spoken to someone for two years and I inquired why. It too was over something rather simple and silly, but since each one was too stubborn to make the first move they quit talking, quit being best friends, and grew apart. They are know taking the slow and sometimes akward steps towards getting back together. All it took was to look at the situation which caused it, realizing that it was not that important (at least not worth losing someone you care for), and making that first move. You, like she seem to be missing a huge part in their lives and are hurting. There are times in our lives when you have to kind of swallow your pride, get a bit of courage, and take that first step towards attempting reconciliation. If it were something major which happened between you two then I would say let it go...but we need at times to forgive and forget and move on. If she and her family played such a role in your life and that is now an empty void please make the first move and see if you two and get over it all and patch things up. What would it hurt? Sure it could go bad, but be an optimist and go in with a positive attitude. Don't let the chance to mend fences go by if it is bothering you that much. Give it your best shot and I don't think that you will regret it and if she and her family do come back into your life you just may find that she was or is still a true friend who cares and loves you. A good friend is hard to find and sometimes hard to keep but the opportunity is there - take it for your and her's sake.
I can't top that.

After reading your post - I think you know what you want to do.


sassybelle21 32F
13313 posts
9/3/2006 3:39 am

Try to email or text her Instead of waiting for the other person to initiate something, it's always better for us to take the first step. If she doesn't appreciate what you're doing (emailing or texting) and still treat you coldly, just shrug it off because she's not worthy of having a friend like you. I'm glad that you can see your mistakes now and feel sorry for what you have done. We learn from experience to be a better person. I don't want you to feel bad. You're like a sister to me


rm_fizza2 34M

9/3/2006 2:35 pm

When you pass her next time at uni just say hi to start off to acknowledge her she can't ignore you forever then after a while stop and ask how she is going. If you don't at least make an attempt you will regret it. you be sweat


Man4U2555 40M
17 posts
9/3/2006 7:29 pm

Let bygone be bygones!
It takes a big person to make the first move and once its done then you just have to see what will become of it!

The longer that time goes by the harder it gets to contact a person whom you previously close to!! Even if its just dropping her an email, belated birthday card, or just a thinking of you card!

As you get older you start to realise that you can never have to many friends! Especially ones which share a closeness as you and your friend seem to have had!

Bite the bullet and just go for it!!
What have you got to lose???


NiceGuyMush 46M

9/5/2006 1:21 pm

Peeche

There is great advice above. Some of my best friends now are not the people I was tight with at school. Life and situations take us in different places at different times. The thing is to be able to come back together and grow the firendship some more by making some time for it.
Send that text/email what ever. There is no competition abo0ut making the first approach. Otherwise you you will both go on missing each other forever and before you know it - like 'ya ole mate' Steve Irwin - they are gone

Cheers

Mush


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