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In Loving Memory of My Sister........
In Loving Memory of My Sister........
This blog should have been posted on the 15th year anniversary of my sister's suicide, but I wasn't able to get to it. My sister committed suicide at the age of 21. I was 20 years old and we were living together, so I was the one who found her. She had taken her life because a few days before, her boyfriend/love of her life had killed himself with a shotgun to the head.
I loved my sister with all my heart and know she loved me back the same. I miss her so much, even after all these years. She had a great sense of humor, was beautiful, popular, and generous. We shared many tough times growing up together so now that she's gone, it's difficult for me because my brother sees things differently.
I often wonder if she'd be proud of me now...probably not being on AdultFriendFinder and the sexual experiences I've had...but I think she'd be proud of the work I do to help others and that I'm a good mother. I wonder too, what she'd be like at this age. Would she still be so picky about men and be totally focused on a career? Or would she have married her boyfriend (if he hadn't taken his life) and have a few kids.
While in college, I had a poem I wrote published in an annual literary magazine. Poetry is my escape as well as a way to express myself.
ALIVE IN MY HEART by: ME!
Memories rush through my mind
of her gentle voice that was always so kind.
The way she smiled brightened any room,
but when she left all I felt was doom.
Her life may not have been very long,
but as a human being she did little wrong.
She fed the hungry and clothed the poor,
never did she ever turn anyone from her door.
There's so many wonderful things I recall about her,
for like an angel she was sweet and pure.
Unfortunately, the Lord decided it was her time to die...
and those who knew and loved her remember and cry.
We wept for we missed her so very much,
no longer could we feel her loving touch.
She's in a better place everyone tells me,
I suppose they're right but I wish this wouldn't be.
I wish I'd been there for her last breath of air
so I could have made sure she knew how much I care.
It's too late to tell her I love her because we're apart,
but I'll forever keep her memory alive in my heart.
12/10/2005 3:27 am
She sounds like a beautiful person just like her sister|
My heart hurts for you reading this.
I wish I could give you a hug ... a kiss on the forehead ... a word ... anything to soften your pain
Best wishes for you Love
If I could lift my eyes for just a moment
I swear I’d see your wings against the sky
But I’ve been studying my hands, so helpless
And so human-
They could not touch the fever in your eyes.
Like a field beneath the plow my heart is broken
The words that might have healed were never spoken
Oh these words, they have their limits
They’re clutching at the air
Still I sing my song believing you are there.
My heart forever hungry for a bigger sky
For a truth drawn large before the human eye
Oh these senses have their limits
They fly within a cage
Regretfully I bow before an empty page.
We’ve scaled the highest peaks, we’ve plundered the ocean
We’ve made machines that measure stars and dust
But I’ve been studying my heart in a different kind of mirror
Since you’ve gone I’ve been driven into trust.
S'io credesse che mia risposta fosse
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse.
Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo
Non torno vivo alcun, s'i'odo il vero,
Senza tema d'infamia ti rispondo.
12/10/2005 8:33 am
Passionate--I can only imagine the heartache that was left by losing your best friend/sister. Of course she would be happy for you and very proud of the strong person that you are and have become in all aspects of life. I really enjoy reading your poems. They truly are from the heart. Keep up the good work and keep smiling!!!|
12/16/2005 8:29 am
Hi Passionate, sorry to hear about your loss. She sounds like a person who is very special to you. She is luckky to have a sister like you that still remembers her after all these years. I have somewhat of an understanding of what you went through that day. I am not going to go into greater detail about it on a public posting, but it is very traumatic to find a loved one who committed suicide. If you need someone to talk to, look me up. It is sad to recall, but very good to remember her. The peom was beautifull.|