What's a little harmless flirting?  

PassionFriend 43M
12 posts
3/10/2006 2:40 pm
What's a little harmless flirting?

It seems that every time I get into a little "harmless" flirting it backfires on me. I find it much easier to flirt with women I'm not interested in. Whether it be a woman I work with, a friend's girlfriend, a woman who is married, etc. I think it has to do with being able to be more myself with a woman who I see as unavailable. Unfortunately, I often find that a woman I think is in a stable relationship, has her act together and can handle some harmless flirting I find that none of that is true. Perhaps it is that insecure women are much more willing to flirt and are more susceptible to charm than women that actually do have their act together.

I met the wife of a former colleague and she and I got along well. She was a lot of fun, boisterous, confident, funny, smart, etc. She was sexy too. We talked, we became friends and soon I find that she is e-mailing me, calling me, telling me about how rough her marriage is, etc. She invited me to her place while her husband was out of town and . . . well, that's how it went.

I went to a wedding reception and met the date of a friend of mine. She was cute, liked to dance and was fun to be with. I joked around with her and we had a good time but it wasn't like we werefooking up, I had my own date. After the reception a few of us went to a bar and she sat with me, had me give her my number, began to call me and . . . same old story.

I went to a business dinner with a woman who I knew from around the office. I knew she had a great sense of humore and was smart as well. I didn't know her well other than that but the night of the dinner she told me she was a lesbian. I was fine with that, even a bit relieved. She wasn't my type at all and I didn't want her to start being interested. We joked at the dinner through the ceremony and had a great time at the bar later. As fate would have it, she became interested anyway. Who knew?

The problem is, how do I meet cool women who I can be open and have fun with without worrying about turning off the charm. Ofcourse it never works with women I am attracted to. Sometimes it works out eventually, once I met a girl who I hit it off with but she had a boyfriend. When she became available again she called me, that was nice.

I often think I should hold off a bit with women who my judgement says I should leave alone but then I feel like I'm cheating and not being honest. Besides, it feels good to be liked regardless of a woman's situation. So I'm learning about the pitfalls of being a charming guy but in the end I think it's all worth it.

-- Joe

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