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The AFF Expierence
The AFF Expierence
This site frustrates the hell out of me, yet I keep coming back and going through all the crap over and over again. I spend countless hours skimming through search results and sending messages to women who post attractive profiles, I particiate in the chat rooms and now I even have this blog. I've given this web site a good bit of money over the years and I have no one to blame for that but myself. I can't say I've never gotten laid from my efforts here but I certainly can't say it's all been worth it either.
As everyone, male of female, gay or straight, who has ever posted a profile here knows it's tough being a straight guy looking for women. I have never seen the actual ratio of men to women on the site but let's look at some stats: In Maryland (my state) there are 9,973 listings from women seeking men compared to 124,123 listings of men seeking women. Each woman in Maryland on this site could have her pick of about 125 guys, with no competition. I also have to point out that there are 32,379 men seeking just 57 F-F couples. Even if each of those couples were interested in multiple men it would take a few years for each Maryland man to get his turn. (I'm going to assume that all the straight men in Maryland would be interested in an F-F couple that would have them but most are not that greedy.) I'm going to go out on a pretty thick limb and suggest that these examples from Maryland are representative of the distribution of each state and AdultFriendFinder in the aggregate. So it's easy to see why it sucks to be me.
But this is no secret. We all know this, don't we? So single guys are pushed into the role of personal salesmen. We have to go out and "pound the pavement," as it were, and get our name out there, sell ourselves, make contacts, network, do all the same things that salespeople do everyday. Why? If you've ever been in sales you already know -- it's all about numbers. The more cold calls you make, the more doors you knock on, the more connected people you connect with the more sales you will make. When I was in sales we talked about the "rate of success." If I made one hundred cold calls in a day (that's a light day) I could count on making an impression without about two people I called. If I managed to make 10 sales calls in a week (person to person, based on cold calls) I could expect about five sales, and that wasn't bad for me -- sales wasn't my strong suit. Obviously, that's a 1% success rate. The trick was to just keep making the cold calls. Each 100 calls I made equalled another sale so the more calls I made the more sales I would close. The same philosophy applies here, (Actually my collegues and I remarked often how much sales was like dating in general) send the e-mails, follow-up, be there, be there, be there and eventually we would all get laid! Right?
Oh if it were just that easy!!!
No. Nope, in fact the slide rule on AdultFriendFinder is pathetic. I cannot begin to count the number of e-mails I have sent to women through AdultFriendFinder, and not just in Maryland, I've lived in other places too. I have received exactly zero replies. Actually I should qualify that: e-mails I have sent to women I already connected with, through chat rooms for instance, have been responded to but simply finding an attractive profile and offering a complimentary, well-written, attractive intial contact message (shameless plug, I know!) has been a wholly fruitless endeavor. I have a success rate of 0% in that regard.
And that's a cryin' shame if you ask me. There are so many beautiful women who post their profiles on this site looking for a mature, learned, sophisticated, good-looking, fun-loving, spontaneous, compassionate, loving, respectful and all around great guy like myself (okay, I have a little shame from that one) that it's almost unbelieveable that I don't get any responses. But then I just glance at the m-f ratio again and it's very easy to believe.
So, what's the point of it all, you might ask? Well, I've asked myself that many a time and I usually tell myself that it is not worth the money, time and effort to go through all that e-mail writing simply to get no response. I do not renew my membership and I write AdultFriendFinder off for good and that is it. But, inevitably, I come back. Sometimes I find myself in a chatty mood, hit the local chat room and have a great time being a smartass and making cyber-friends. Sometimes I'm just horny and want to talk to other horny people, women that is. Regardless of why, and often against my better judgement, I find myself typing "www.adultfri . . ." into my address bar thinking that this time will be different.
Each time I am envigorated by all the new profiles from hot women who just want sex and I plow right into old habits. I check my mailbox every day, keep track of who views my profile, etc. I swing into a chat room and then it all comes flowing back to me. As all the guys know, the chat rooms are a hostile place to be. Let's take a look at one room, right now. In the "Maryland/DC/Virginias" room right now there are 109 chatters. A whole 79 of them are single men. There are 20 single women and 10 couples. I haven't been in the room tonight but I'm willing to put money down that says not all 20 women are looking for men. Ofcourse I'll get no takers on a bet that says none of the couples are looking for men either. So it's obvious what the score there is, almost four men per woman. To connect with a woman you have to be almost obnoxious, commenting on everyone's comments, plowing into every conversation, finding the right time to approach the right girl, etc. Still, being the outgoing guy I am I might be able to get in with one if I know how to play the chat room, which I do. But will any of those women be within driving distance of me, let alone in my immediate area? Doubt it. And let's say there are two women who are, are they in my age range? Doubt it. Even if one is, is she less than obese? Probably not. And there we are again, zero percent success.
Sometimes I get lucky. Once I popped into a chat room after a long absence and immediately started chatting it up with a woman who sounded sexy and we set up a date for that night. She was sexy and we had a great time. So it can happen and it does happen, even to losers like me. But those moments are isolated and cannot be relied upon. Eventually I give up again, swear it all off for good and the cycle continues.
So why do I keep coming back? Well, I think I may actually have an answer finally. I know you're all dying to know it so you can stop reading this malarkey and get on with getting laid and what-not. I am here because this AdultFriendFinder thing is one of few places where I can be comfortable talking about sex, sexuality, nudity, orgies, tits, cocks and everything else without worrying I'm being offensive or judged. I can be myself, express the opinions I have and I'm not considered a wierd, freaky pervert. One of these days I'm going to post an entry that will look a lot like my old profile, the really long one that everyone complained about. In it I will go into some more detail about my feelings on sexuality and complain a lot about the rest of the world while I'm at it. But that's the beauty of this site, and that's why I'm back -- again -- I can do that here. Yes, this is a free country (getting less free thanks to Republicans) and I can say whatever I want to say in any blog anywhere, but here I have a receptive audience who will have tempered reactions and give good feedback and I can have discussions and debate with like-minded individuals. I like the chat rooms because the people are open about themselves and the topics of conversation go from the weather to sex to sports to sex to politics to beaches to sex and all over again -- at least on a good night. In the end it's nice to have a place like this where I can go and know I'm not alone.
I don't know how long my current ride will last here on AdultFriendFinder but this blog thing seems like it's a lot of fun so I guess I'll stick around until I've at least said my peace. Luckily for you I've got a lot to say, Keep the comments coming and keep checking back. It's no fun writing to no one. Thanks a bunch for reading this whole thing and I'll be back soon. -- Joe