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I really wish I understoon women a little better. Every time I think I have a handle on women something happens that reminds me I have no idea. I know that every woman is a unique individual and that the behavior of one is not necessarily reflective of any other but if there was just one woman I could understand then I could deal with it.
I don't have much trouble figuring out the men I know. I see what they go through, I know what motivates them and I understand their reactions. For the most part I think in the same way as many of my male friends so it's not a stretch for me to see things from the point of view of any one of them. For those that differ from me I can see what it is that makes us think differently and from that I can still understand why a guy would make certain decisions. But with women it's all confusing.
I am never sure what a woman is thinking, feeling, wanting or despising. When I first meet a woman who I am attracted to it seems so easy. We have things in common, we share experiences and we can go on and on forever. Sometime after we get through the first stage I lose track of her and can't seem to get back to where I know what's going on.
There is the story of a girl I'll call Jane. Jane and I met at my favorite bar when I was living in Colorado. We hit it off, we had a great time and we began to see each other. AFter our second date (that is if you consider the night we met as a date, which I do) I walked her to her truck. I liked this girl a good bit so I didn't want to ruin anything by being too agressive even though I wanted to take her home with me that night. When she turned to say good-night I saw that "please kiss me" look in her eyes but I made a split second decision and opted to wait. Our next meeting we made out outside the place we had drinks. (It was snowing pretty good and the streets were quiet, it would have been a perfect kiss scene in a movie.) I thought things were going very well. The next time we were together she told me that she was leaving town for a new job in Oregon (OREGON?!?!). She had known about this for some time but hadn't told me. That's one thing I didn't understand, why did she not tell me? And why did she continue to see me? When I kissed her later that evening she broke off and told me she couldn't do it anymore, she couldn't be "getting involved" so close to leaving town. That puzzled me becuase it was her idea to go out that night. If she knew she was leaving the previous time we were together why did she have a copmlex all of a sudden? Then about a week later she called me and wanted to get together one last time. Huh? By that time I was very confused but, sure, I wanted to see her again anyway. I went to my favorite bar, where we had met, and found her with two friends. She practically ignored me the entire time. It was too crowded to hang out standing up with her group so I found a stool at the bar and sat there admist the crowd. About an hour later I watched Jane and her friends get up and leave, without a word to me. I never saw her or spoke to her again.
Am I crazy or was that pretty fucked up? I just wish I would have known what was going on in her mind, and elsewhere for that matter, so I could have understood why she kept her imminent move from me and what all that back and forth was all about. What really bothered me most was that I really liked her! I thought we had some potential. Even if she was going to another part of the country it would have been nice to have a friend in Oregon (why, I'm not quite sure, but it can't be all that bad). Why? Why? Why?
Then there is my friend S. She and I have been friends since we were kids and we've been on-again-off-again for over half our lives. Wait -- you know what -- that story is much too involved for here, maybe I'll come back to it in another entry, when I have a week to write it. The point for this entry is that I have never known how she really feels about me. Through all of her boyfriends, my girlfriends and moving back and forth across the country we've stayed close but I can't tell you what she wants for me or what she feels for me or anything about what she thinks. You'd think that I'd have a pretty good handle on a person after sixteen years but not this one, she's still a mystery.
I know this is an age old issue and there is no answer to any of it. I just feel that living and loving could be a whole lot simpler and easier on everyone if I had an inkling of what women are thinking. Maybe if women can just be more open and willing to tell me what is going on it can improve everything about dating. But who am I kidding? I'm just an idealist in an imperfect world. Still, being a pessimist never got anyone anywhere so I'll keep on being an idealist and hopefully it'll pay off someday. Okay, it's always great to say hello, have a great day. -- Joe
1/10/2006 4:37 pm
I understand what you are saying and feeling so if I could be so bold as to make a few observations:
- Many times situations like that are rarely about you although it feels that way. Best advise is don't take it personal because it never was. Actually, she gave you many compliments ... you just need to read them better.
- You live in a very self-centered world and, no, that's not a slam because it doesn't have to be .... it's just what I glean from your blog.
- You will be more attractive when you stop worrying about what you want and concentrate on what other people want. Don't expect it to happen overnight either .. changing the self takes years.
I hope you find what you are looking for ....