|Blogs > Pandachick20 > The nonesence in my head|
what...no javas world openning you say?? yes folk, no shibby little openning today. im not in the mood for it. gots to be in a cheerful mood or something for it. n e ways. i had and interesting conversation today in a chatroom i frequent. of course we talk about random shit in there to, but today the conversation took an intersting turn. we got on the subject of relationships and blah blah blah. i was told that i seemed like i was hard to please. me?? hard to please?? i dont think i am. if knowing what you want and what you wont put up with is hard to please then shit, all of us are hard to please. is it my fault that i was treated like shit im my last relationship and cheated on in the relationship previous to that, and those are things that i dont want in future relationships. if so then i guess i am hard to please huh?? and also, i must be really hard to please because im longing for a long term relationship cause i dont have time to hop from relationship to relationship n e more. yes, i am 21, and u have my whole lif to live, but im have a kid now, and what would it look like to my kid if i changed my men like i did my underwear?? it wouldnt look very good on me now would it? no, not at all. i guess im more mature then i thought i was. and abusive relationship would do that to you huh. that and expecting a kid. i just dont want n e more bullshit you know. im looking for someone who likes some of the same things i do, and is willing to learn new things from me (not only sexual things) and i can learn from the person in the same way. is that so damn hard to ask. we dont have to go out all the damn time either. lets stay in and make it a blockbuster night...lol. im seriuos, going out is cool and all, but hey its not as exciting as it was for me before. i guess it will take a while before i find someone who remotely gets what im saying. well there are people who do, but hey.... you dont know how to read a f***ing profile do you!!! what i say in my profile is not a joke. thats me pretty much down to a tee...well not to a total tee, but hey, whats so hard about dropping me a line and asking me questions instead of asumming shit. not very hard at all. you will get a very honest reply from me. and if you dont like that fact that i could reject you politely, them what the hell are you messaging me for? sure youll feel bad for a bit, but damn, then you move on. the last think i need is a fucking crybaby, cause that is what my ex was. a big ass fucking crybaby who cried over the dumbest shit in the world. i mean, im a very sensitive person (i know it doesnt seem like it but i am) but damn.
example...he got his arm broken by his brother in a fight and i took care of him in his time of need as best as i could. i mean i cut up his food, wiped his as, woke up in the middle of the night to give him his meds, the works. i was his live in nurse you know. well one night he had to go to the bathroom, so i got up with him, and i am exhausted, i mean i havent had n e sleep in weeks. none because i was taking care of him hand and foot. n w ways, we get to the bathroom and i have to help him pee..meaning i have to aim for him because the right are, the arm he used, was broken. then after all that, he was like, "what the hell is wrong with you?" i looked at him and told him thati was very very tired. and he was all bitching. mind you he was being babied. i looked at him with a sleepy expression and told him. " im doing everything and you arent doing n e thing. you have to help youreself a little so i can help you out alittle." this fucker ran off crying!!! what the shit for!!!! damn it he belittled me the whole time his arm was broken and i still took care of him. i could have sat there and let him suffer, but i didnt. i was called everything in the fucking book. oh it did hurt, it hurt like hell, but i didnt say n e thing..until he was able to take care of himself. then i just stopped being nice and started standing up for myself cause i was treated like shit and that when he started to push me around and slap me around and hit me and choke me and shit. i stayed like a dumb ass cause he promised not to to it aagin. like that ever happened. i finally left after he tried to kill me.
the story suxs i know... and i totally went off the subject with the ending, but now you know why i want what i want. i dont want to put up with bullshit like that ever again. oh and the other relationship..he cheated on me three times, told me he was going thru a selfish phase, then got with a chick that was supposed to be my friend, and now they are engaged. needless to say, i felt like the lowest piece of shit in the world. that one hurt alot. n e ways, enough of my babble. you people are here to get your freak on, not listen to my fucking sob story. happy hunting to everyone. and as always, comments are truely welcome. leave as many as you want.
side note: for those of you who like to leave those bullshit "who gives a shit about what you went thru comments," promptly cut your legs of below the knee and beat yourself over the head with the bloody stomps.