Owlwatcher 40M
29 posts
11/2/2005 8:36 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm


Today sucks, only because it is my day off from working out. Since I started again, I've noticed the changes. Physically, I'm stronger and bigger than before. I tire less easily. I really look forward to working out. The body parts I want to get bigger are doing so. Slowly, but surely. I know it will take time and I am being patient, but I'm excited by every baby step I take toward my goal.

Emotionally, I feel the aggression building. As my male hormone levels increase, I can feel myself being slightly less patient than before; driving in traffic will be my undoing. I yell when I bump my head in the house. I broke my sunglasses while playing football on Sunday. Not accidentally, either. I dropped 2 very easy, wide-open catches, and tore the glasses from my head and destroyed them with my hands. My friends thought I was acting, but the rage and frustration with myself boiled in that instant that I had no other outlet to expel the angry energy. My family saw flashes of that as I grew up, when I'd hit a wall and the drywall or plaster would break. But I've had outstanding control in front of colleagues and friends and nobody has EVER seen me lose my temper. So Sunday was significant.

My sex drive is increasing, too. I can't remember ever being so frustrated. It took until I was 23 to lose my virginity, but this time is different. I know how it is and miss IT, rather than speculating what it would be like. Now it's been close to 6 months since I've had it, and my pillow is looking mighty attractive these days.

The shortened fuse will actually serve me well at work, as I've often viewed myself as too patient. I'll know when I can't control myself any longer, though I am positive I won't get to that point.

I believe the increased testosterone has staved off my depression. In the past, when working out, if I took an extended break for a couple of weeks or so, the hormones dropped off and I got moody. I never thought the funk could last 4 years. But I think much more clearly these days on a more regular basis. I know that's the body sending good signals to the brain. I've always thought if people got into really good shape, lifted weights and ran 3-6 miles on a consistent basis, we'd have no drug problem. Building muscle clears my mind and levels my mood, and running a long distance at a very quick pace gets me high. I wish I could explain the runner's high to those who have never experienced it, but I guess it fills my body with a sensation much like the buzz of great anticipation, and makes me want to run even faster, even when I'm done. I think it dilates all the blood vessels and lungs and sends those pleasure chemicals straight to my brain (or from it, I'm not sure). I think I'd die if I got to have sex while high on endorphins. I think my heart would explode.

And now I'm back on that thought. See? Now how the hell am I going to get to sleep? Curse these hormones! But I gotta have 'em.

bella_ 47F
4030 posts
11/2/2005 3:45 pm

Hmmm...hormones cause in you what Ephedrine causes in me...mood swings, impatience, a little bit of a temper and more energy than I know what to do with....so instead of getting in trouble I stay on the cross trainer for 90 minutes...And yes...ephedrine does increase sexual desire...God does it increase sexual desire!!!

Owlwatcher 40M

11/3/2005 1:00 am

Oh, God. If I ever decide to use ephedrine to tone up, I'll be a dog in heat! I'll end up blind for sure!

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