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Just as I predicted, I had no game, approached nobody, made no moves at the wedding reception this past weekend. I could attribute it to many factors, but the bottom line is: my confidence is gone.
I've never been a "hey, baby" introduce-myself-to-strangers type of guy. Any success I've ever had with women has been with those who knew me already. They found me funny, or smart, or insightful, or talented, then I became attractive in some way. I'm trying so hard these days to shed my inhibitions, forget my morals and values, and just go for it.
But I look so far ahead toward my future, I find it so hard to let go. When I have kids, I want so badly to be able to tell them about how clean a life I've had. I want to be that role-model who sets standards so high, that the only opinions anyone can have of me are positive. But here I am cruising a swinger site, with Right Brain telling me to get freaky and forget about the opinions others have or will have; and Left Brain telling me to unsubscribe, find some shallow dating pool of women possessing the impossible combination of characteristics I desire in a new wife.
Good to know my mood swings are back. I'd wondered where they've been.
So I guess the bottom line is: I'm shy. And I really do care what people think of me. And I cripple myself with indecision.
I know what kind of person I am. I know myself very well. But I've been trying to alter it somewhat to fulfill one small need I have at present. But in the long run, my DNA will win, I will not stray from this path I've wandered for so long, and I will find something that satisfies me as a whole, not just my Id that needs to get some. I really am who I am, and it is very, very difficult to change.
11/14/2005 9:09 pm
Assume the confident pose:|
Never ever ever let them see you sweat!!!
Just don't care, be nice, if appropriate FLIRT! (If inappropriate, flirt! and you're in the mood to!! You'd be surprised what a turn on a sense of humor is in a guy!
and then don't worry about anymore!!