Bitterness at the Bottom of a Wine Bottle  

OcelotScratch 48M
112 posts
7/2/2006 9:12 pm

Last Read:
7/3/2006 6:59 pm

Bitterness at the Bottom of a Wine Bottle

My birthday was last Tuesday. Among our circle of friends, the birthday person designates what they want to do, where they want to go, where we're going to eat, and so on. I admit, It took me a while to come up with what I wanted, but I did figure it out.

I wanted to go see the Superman movie today, and then come back to my house and drink wine (I made a huge purchase at the Surdyk's wine sale on Friday) and yak at each other until the wee hours and just have a good time.

Only one person said they were interested in going to the movie, so that got scribbed.

We started drinking wine about 6:30. There were five of us at that point. Two people left at 8:00, because they had to be ready for family to come into town tomorrow.

Two people never showed.

The other two left at 10:30, saying that they had to go to work tomorrow. One of them doesn't have to be at work until 2:30 in the afternoon. The other (my wife) hardly has to show up at work at all tomorrow, since no one else will be there.

When my wife left, with the other guest driving her back to her apartment, she was concerned that I not drink anymore.

It is hard to describe just how angry and bitter I am at the moment. One of my severe hangups is that I obsess about coming through for others, whether it be helping them out when they have a real problem, or just making sure that I am there to make something like a birthday party everything that they hoped it would be.

This leads me to be just as obsessive in wanting people to do the same thing for me. It leads to overblown expectations of others, I guess. But however irrational it is, I can't help but feeling that they aren't as concerned about me as I am about them. I feel bitter, and desperate, amd angry.

For anyone that is involved in role-playing games, I feel like a NPC in someones universe. When the player characters are off doing something else, there really is no reason to pay attention to what I'm doing at that time.

I'm lonely. I'm angry. I'm full of self-pity. And I think I'm going to keep drinking wine until I'm completely blitzed, though I think I'm going to try to switch to the cheaper bottle after the one I'm working on.

I'm doing a great job of convincing the women around here to drop me a line, aren't I? No drama? No head games? Hell, Im not going to be playing games with your head, because I'm too busy playing them with my own.

This falls into the category of posts I probably shouldn't make. I'm sure I'll regret posting this by tomorrow, or at least Tuesday. But I need to say it to someone, and I don't really have anyone else at the moment. Aren't you guys the lucky ones.

Mermaidslut 49F

7/3/2006 8:50 am

Everyone needs to vent once in awhile. It is also good, that you know this about yourself, otherwise you might not be so sensitive to the fact that you know it is something internal you need to deal with so you don't let dissapointment cost you more then one hangover.

Become a member to create a blog