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Famous Blog Writer
Famous Blog Writer
The problem with writing is that once you have a few good pieces out, everbody expects that everything you write will be of the same calibre.
The other problem, is that the other pieces invariably aren't. They're crap!
The trick is, that you only publish the good stuff, and make out like it's all like that.
Then you go to a party.
"Hello, this is my friend soandso, the witty and amusing writer."
"Oh, go on, soandso, be witty and amusing. Say something funny!"
Of course, there are ways to deal with that. One is to respond with a grin and "Hey, pull my finger!"
That never fails to dampen their enthusiasm. Or you could just let rip with a whopper burp. Or develop such bad breath that they never want you to speak.
My problem is that I try to please them. It never works. But on the bright side, hey look where I'm publishing my stuff - an 'adult' website! What are the chances of meeting someone who's read your work?
If you're a woman, very high. They'll be the guys who look like a penis (just like their photos).
If you're a guy, generally (though not always) you are very keen to NOT meet a dick. Mind you, neither are the women - they generally prefer a face shot. But the dick-heads will misinterpret that to mean they want to be ejaculated over.
Now where was I? Oh yes, trying to be funny.
Why is it that the best humour always happens spontaneously, and the worst when you desperately need that witty, cutting joke or remark?
Somebody calles you a name and the best you can come up with is "Oh YEAH? Same to you buddy!!"
It's because men think with their willies, isn't it. It takes so long for the blood to get there that all intelligence has been stifled. It just sits there staring at you with a blind eye.
"Hey buddy, put on your eyepatch and go home!"
Hey, maybe my willie is a pirate? I'll put the eyepatch on, but WAIT - I'm NOT putting that parrot on there!! It's got CLAWS!!
Say, what WAS in that coffee I just had? Oh? Coffee?? Who'd have thought.
So it's just ME that's nuts. OK, I can deal with that.