Caught in the crossfire  

Notbigbutwilling 49M
67 posts
12/10/2005 6:36 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Caught in the crossfire

I feel terrible.

I have been a bad friend. To me, that is the lowest thing I could be.

I have allowed a friend to be caught in the crossfire. Relationship crossfire.

She was torn between loyalties.

I put her there. My fault. Entirely.

I wish I could take everything back. Call for a do-over. Erase the tears.

But I can't.

And although she has forgiven me, and given me sage advice which I will take, I cannot forgive myself.

When I try to please everybody I fail.

When I want to make everbody happy I fail.

When I try to be nice to everbody it backfires.

I just want to be a great friend. To give, care and share. Even to strangers.

But I have failed. I have failed where it really counts. My true friend.

I wish I could handle things better. But I am driven to give. I am passionate about making people happy. I love to meet new friends and make them feel really good about themselves.

And that gets me into trouble. Some way or another, something blows up in my face, gets misinterpreted, misrepresented, misconstrued.

I'm a genuine guy. I honestly care for people. I cannot, I refuse to see people suffering and not help.

Why should that backfire?

Why should caring be wrong?

Why can't I just be myself and love everybody?

The world won't allow that. The world doesn't work like that. The world is a cold place sometimes.

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