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How fast is too fast?
How fast is too fast?
I'd appreciate comments and or feedback here, and sorry in advance if this seems to meander - I'll try to weld it all together by the end.
I've only recently signed up to this site ~1 week. I've created my profile, uploaded the obligatory anatomical photo, started a blog and participated in chat rooms. All in the hopes of someday getting my noodle back in the sauce .
Note that I qualified the last sentence with "someday" because (as naïve as I am) I don't think it's something that'll happen overnight.
I've been single (separated) for 18 months and aside from my typing implements, haven't had any partners in close to 30 months. As far as that goes, my entire sex history could fit on the back of a match book and leave room for my email address. Rather than giving a lengthy explanation, here's the shortest one I can come up with:
My first sexual encounter (at 12 or 13) was the type that usually appears in police reports (mine didn't). Until about 2 years ago, I never dealt with it. The repercussions of not dealing with it contributed to my fear of involvement and tainting the few relationships I've had.
In the past 2 years I've re-evaluated and redefined my personal goals & boundaries and I find they're still being modified. At 45, I'm getting a fresh start with a clean slate. My arrival here has prompted me to open up about it.
The two things I think about most often are sex and companionship... and my lack thereof. I suspect I'm not alone in this (otherwise this site wouldn't exist).
In an effort to conform with my newly defined boundaries and to remedy my solitude, I've added "seeking men" and "seeking couples (both mf & ff)" to my profile. I've had same-sex encounters before and (aside from the first) didn't find them unpleasant. I figured that I might meet more people that way and maybe make some friends along the way.
In the past week, the few messages I've gotten from women were replies to messages that I sent (and most of those were negative). However, within 24 hours of changing my profile, I've received three messages from men. Two of those appear to be from new members who simply sent me a wink, not realizing that I'm male. The third is the reason for this post.
I met him yesterday in a chat room, he was looking for singles (F or M) and couples (MF or FF) in the area - much like I am. He wanted to get together last night for some fun. I assumed his definition of fun was similar to mine: go to a bar, shoot some pool, have some drinks, say goodbye and go home. Maybe make plans to get together again.
I checked out his profile (it seemed OK), I responded to him in the chat room and sent a message (which he apparently didn't receive) to his AdultFriendFinder mailbox. When I he told me that he hadn't received my message he suggested that I email him - I did - and I added him to my <insert commercial chat client name here> contact list.
Over the next 15 minutes he must've sent me two or three times as many messages telling me how much he wanted me to "give him a facial" and "blow my hot load down his throat" and all without any expectations of return. According to his profile he's a trades-person but he could easily have made a career in sales, because I felt the same kind of pressure to act that I usually do at car dealerships. Apparently, meeting socially was not part of his agenda - he wanted to skip straight to the punch line. ...\8
I put him off by saying that "I had other plans" and quickly made up some plans to occupy myself for the rest of the evening.
Four hours later I signed on again, he was still in the chat room, still looking for someone and he apparently hadn't noticed me. I'd had enough of a barrage already so I signed out & went to bed.
This morning I got up (just before noon - I love long weekends) and when I sat down at my computer I saw that (I left my chat client running) he'd sent me a message at 8:30 asking if I wanted some "a.m. servicing."
I haven't replied to him. I'm not really sure how to reply to him either. As horny and lonely as I am, I'd still prefer the company of a woman, women or couple(s) and although I'm willing to hook up with a guy and his offers sound tempting, (with reminders of my first sexual encounter creeping up) I'm more than a bit wary.
So here's where the feedback would be beneficial: Is he coming on too strong, does he want to move too fast? Or, am I being too much of a prude and in so doing, limiting myself (like I have for years)?