Why last night was a rough night.......  

Nightguy_1961 55M
3324 posts
2/25/2006 11:06 pm

Last Read:
5/9/2006 2:35 am

Why last night was a rough night.......

I posted on my blog last night what sounded like a 'poor pity me' rant. Didn't mean to bring people down, but during the quiet time of the early morning, the whispers of the daemons from my past tend to be at their loudest.

I posted about the strained (okay, broken) relationship between my son and I. How I'd made the decision that I could afford to be hurt anymore by him. How after trying to meet him halfway so many times, I'd nothing left to even try.

Well, Friday before I left for work at 1030pm, my lady checked our email on another site we let family use. She quietly came in and told me to go check out one email in particular. It was from my daughter-in-law, who's up in Fort Drum with my son.

She wrote something to the effect of:

Dear all,

"Here is ____________'s mailing address.

He shipped out yesterday to head back to Afghanistan"

Now, I knew this was coming...one of the last conversations between my son and I was about him shipping back over there for another year. I offered to help him in anyway I could, with family matters and all, but my offer fell on deaf ears.

So, I figured that I wouldn't feel anything if and when he shipped out. He's made his life choice...and that choice doesn't include me. So that tells me 'if he doesn't want me to share in the good times, he doesn't want me to share in the not-so-good times' Yep....harden my heart...man of steel...ten foot tall & bulletproof.

So can anyone tell me why I feel like my insides have been pulled out and twisted in knots?

NG....Not in the best of moods right now

tillerbabe 55F

2/25/2006 11:37 pm

Because he is your Son and you love him.
Let me ask you this, if I may: How important are the differences really? Will they matter in 10 years 20? What if you "let go" of your side and gave him unconditional love? {=}

BTW: thank you so much for stopping by my Blog...

MamChelle 48F  
1443 posts
2/26/2006 12:02 am

i can my Friend..i have felt this from a mother's standpoint when the son i adopted and raised up chose to turn his back on me and go back to the birth family...it is but parental love. It is one of the deepest of sorrows and joys a parent must know. NG, if You raised him to the best of Your ability...then its all up to them. All of U/us eventually come to realize how genius our parents actually were. i will remember Your son as i light my candles...blessings be abundant upon Your and ladys door. *hugs to You both*

actlikeanimals 60F

2/26/2006 12:14 am


My son is doing his second tour of duty in Iraq so I know where you are coming from. At least with that aspect of it.

Your gut wrenching feelings stem from alot of things.
First of all he is someone you care about more then life itself even if it hurts or you have been hurt by him. He is YOUR son, your flesh and blood.
You remember the good times when he was a baby and little. Those tender moments when he reached out to you with those little chubby small fingers and arms with tears streaming down his face.
You remember how proud you are and were of him.

You are a parent and it is within you to make sure he is protected. Going into harms way...well scares the hell out of you....it does me too.

I wish you luck. I wish for you peace. The road is long and winding, there is a plan unfolding...time is the answer.

Sherry (animal)

sportsfan362436 47F

2/26/2006 7:29 am

I think what WstCstTraveller wrote is correct, albeit not easy to do. One cannot easily turn off feelings... (Lord know's I've been trying to perfect this for many, many years). Know that he will be protected as we in the military do the best we can to take care of out own. I do think, however, staying 'on the sidelines' is a great analagy. You will be standing right there, when he is finally ready to come to you after he's scored the winning touchdown! *setting down a steaming cup of chamomile tea to help with your thoughts, as well as a skoYc and a smile*

*Smiles, kisses n hugz*

wickedeasy 66F  
25407 posts
2/26/2006 11:42 am

a good freind told me yesterday that i needed to just be there for my son, because where he is is lonely and frightening and he can't beleive i see it oor understand it - so i must just stand.

there is a poem - death fo a hired man - and there is a line in that reads something like "home is the place you go to when you have nowhere else to go and they have to take you in"

parents are those places, those homes - and even if he can't/won't honor that now, you can. you can be that place for him and that's all you need to tell him - that you are there, whenever, if ever...

i love you Night - you know i do, and i love your lady - and i hate to see you hurting -


You cannot conceive the many without the one.

UnpinAfireFaust 57M

2/26/2006 10:07 pm

I can only echo the others comments. While definitely not unique, I'm in the position of having a daughter who doesn't seem to want to have much contact with me and a father who still at my age, wants to control my life. As my Best Friend and the others have said, just being there for your son is the best thing you can do. In time, he may change his outlook and attitude and having you there to accept him will make all the difference. As for guarding or shielding your feelings or hardening your heart...I'm not sure that's something you want to do. I have very recently found myself doing that more and more and am finding that while it may help with a particular situation...in general, I find myself feeling almost empty.

My thoughts are with you, your family and your son and his family.

Nightguy_1961 55M
4866 posts
2/26/2006 10:15 pm

mzhunyhole...Thanks, I appreciate your thoughts. This particular burden does get heavy at times.

tillerbabe... As I said in my post, I'd written about what had happened between us in an earlier post. It's not so much a difference of opinion, as just failure to communicate. Thanks for caring. {=}

MamChelle...I hear you, darlin'. When my ex got custody of my youngest son and cut off total contact between us, I grieved like he had passed away. My thoughts are with you as well...and my lady & I appreciate your friendship.

actlikeanimals...Thank you. What makes things tough is that I raised him by myself from the time he was five until he was a junior in high school, so my memories are more intense...both good & bad times. My prayers are with you, along with my thanks.

WstCstTraveller...Thanks for your take on the situation. You're right...I try to keep in mind to be there in case things change. And I remember back in my 'wild & wooly days', my folks were there for me. Glad to hear that you, as well as I, have a good relationship with your parents now. Thanks.

[sportsfan362436]....What can I say? Even though we have just gotten to know each other, you don't hesitate to tell me what I need to hear. Thank you, darlin'.

wickedeasy...You & I have talked a lot about our family situations, so you know almost as much as my lady. It's hard to simply 'stand by' and wait...you know how impatient I am . Are you sure that you, sportsfan362436, and NGs_lady aren't ALL sisters separated when you were young? Thanks, darlin' {=}

lioness860...Thanks and you, along with everyone else, are right. I just have to keep my peace...and wait. Thank you.

PrincessKarma 43F
6188 posts
2/26/2006 11:07 pm


The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma

NGs_lady 64F
762 posts
2/27/2006 6:54 am

sit and wait MY Love one day he will see what he is missing he will come to you and i know you will open your arms and hart untill then i'm here and so are people who care aboyt you so talk, rave and yes if you need to cry with us just please don't shut us ouy

rm_FreeLove999 46F
16127 posts
2/28/2006 12:39 pm

just >>>hugz<<<

[blog freelove999]

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