When an irresistable force meets an immovable object......  

Nightguy_1961 55M
3324 posts
12/26/2005 9:36 pm

Last Read:
5/8/2006 10:30 pm

When an irresistable force meets an immovable object......

Well...I knew it was bound to happen this holiday season. I received the call Friday night....my son and his family were coming down after Christmas.

Why do I seem a bit hesitant? Well, a lot of history has gone by regarding my son. I had custody of him since he was five years old. I took him to his first day of school, his first soccer game, his first Jr. High School Basketball game, watched him go through the pains of dating.

When my second marriage went to hell in a bucket, I struggled to keep him out of it. When I lost my job, and struggled to make ends meet, I made sure he had what he needed and that he didn't go without. When things got so bad, his mother stepped up and offered to let him stay with her for the summer. It helped me to concentrate on getting part of my life back on track.

The worst blow was when he came back at the end of that summer...he told me he wanted to go live with her....period. I'd always said that when he was old enough to make a decision like that (he was 16), I'd abide by it. I never said that it wouldn't hurt. The day he flew down to live with her, I crawled inside a bottle..and stayed for several months.

Almost two years after that, I cleaned my life up...moved back to Virginia...and started anew. My son came to visit occasionally...and there were no problems. But then, letters I wrote were never answered...phone calls were never returned. I was confused, frustrated, and angry. Finally, I reached the conclusion that he just didn't want or need me in his life. I hardened my heart to prevent being hurt. When he graduated high school, I wasn't there. When he graduated from Army boot camp, AIT...I stayed away. Believe me, it caused a world of problems with my immediate family. But I stayed the course.

When his first born came into the world, I was glad. My son and I started talking again. I thought "Well, maybe I was wrong". Sad to say, once he and his family left...I didn't hear a word.

Do you know what it is like to have Father's Day come and go...and your stepsons are the only ones who call to wish you a Happy Fathers Day? They aren't even my blood....but I guess they regard me as their Dad.

Now, he and his wife are expecting their second child...and he's shipping off to Afghanistan next month. The problem is....I don't know how or what to say to him. It's as if a wall has been built up between us...and I have no idea how to tear it down.

So the next couple of days should be interesting... two stubborn, proud men...both alike in so many ways. Both wanting to make the first move...and at the same time, not wanting to appear weak in the other's eyes.

My friends tell me "Give it time...it'll work out". My fear is what any parent with a child in the Military has....the fear of getting that phone call...that telegram...that visit from the chaplain...and hearing the words "We regret to inform you......."

If that happens, I'll go on with life...but I'll be a dead man inside.

NG...just trying to figure out his next move on the chessboard of the human comedy.

NGs_lady 64F
762 posts
12/26/2005 11:14 pm

As someone living this with you please dont let it destroy you because i dont know how live without you

wickedeasy 66F  
26176 posts
12/29/2005 1:54 pm

You know i adore you and Your lady
and i know how hard this is for You

do what You did with lady's boys - push and push until it breaks open

nothing to lose - everything to gain

and i can't abide seeing You in pain


You cannot conceive the many without the one.

Uninhibited1972 44M

1/13/2006 9:42 pm

Check on his wife and kids. The military tries to make sure the spouse and kids are prepared, but you'll find they don't always get it right either. Being there when he ships out would be great, but being there to support his family is the best way to become part of his life.

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