What in the hell does a single letter have to do with anything?  

Nightguy_1961 55M
3324 posts
3/26/2006 1:28 am

Last Read:
3/29/2006 8:55 pm

What in the hell does a single letter have to do with anything?

Okay, I've heard this damn discussion until my ears are about to bleed.

Could someone please explain to me what is so damned important about whether someone's cyber handle is either in upper/lower case? I mean, this is CYBER!!! It doesn't mean anything.

*takes a deep drag off his smoke...a sip of merlot...and calms down to continue*

When I first started on my Path into BDSM...God, over 20 years ago...I learned about the protocols, traditions, rituals, etc associated with the lifestyle. I trained in how a Sir was supposed to act around His peers; how a submissive was to present his or herself to a Dominant, and so on and so forth.

Now granted, back in those 'prehistoric' days, the internet wasn't even an idea. Now, with the ease of the computer age, information about BDSM can be exchanged almost as easy as talking.


This BS nonsense about 'oh, if someone's name is in upper case, then they MUST be a Dominant'...and vice versa.

(And before you ask, yes..I fell victim to that when I first started online...I was in a discussion in a chatroom and, when I offered an opinion, one of the self appointed Oracles of Knowledge informed me that 'my opinion was not wanted, since I was a submissive,due to the lower case name) I made the mistake of contacting AdultFriendFinder and using my one request to change my name from nightguy1961 to Nightguy_1961...all because some self appointed internet Nazi forced their way on the chatroom.

Sure, I've heard some say, "But that's how it's done elsewhere!" Well, I've looked through the AdultFriendFinder rules...and guess what? NOT A DAMN WORD ABOUT IT!!!! ZERO, ZIP, ZILCH, NADA!!!!

I am Dominant because of who I am...not how others see me...not because I have 'Master', 'Sir', 'Lord', 'Grand Poobah' in my handle...and certainly not because I may have not hit the damn shift key while typing in my name.

For those who are so hung up on the upper/lower case debate, why not focus your energies on some BDSM issues that mean something:

How predators are hurting people and giving BDSM lifestylers a bad name.
How new people can find their way into WIITWD.
How married couples can resolved being in a 24/7 D/s or M/s relationship.

Those are issues where your energies are needed...not some damn alphabet lesson. Gimme a break!!!

NG61...living in the REAL WORLD...only visiting Cyber world & riding the rides.

©Nightguy_1961 2006

rm_CuummDrop 49F
2591 posts
3/26/2006 5:18 am

*hangs her head*... i am guilty of this... The Capping of the letters..it is natural to me.. But *whispers*.. i do have to say one thing,,, Sir... like You said.. when there's a Sir/Master/or GrandPoobah, that comes into the room,,, i really have a hard time,, with saying "Sirwhatever"... Until i really get to know that person.. it' all has to do with respect on my end. (firstly how i was brought up, secondly in how i was taught)...

But does sorta kinda make it hard, when a sentance reads like,, Aall,Yyour,Yyou, and so on and so forth... (but i tend to blog to everyone),, and,, well,, it's just me..

Hugsssssssssssss... Hope your evening went well...!!

Now won't last forever, so use it wisely~c

Nightguy_1961 replies on 3/26/2006 9:45 pm:

I didn't even want to get into the Y/you, U/us, W/whatever discussion LOL

I'm not knocking whatever anyone has been trained/schooled in....just getting tired of this cyber fantasy trying to trump real life


julie4daddy34 45F
599 posts
3/26/2006 5:56 am

I've been into the BDSM lifestyle for 15 years. I've learned over the years that capping a persons name, saying "Sir, Ma'am, Master, etc" is merely formalities. I believe Dominance or submission comes from the inside, not whether or not you use caps and formalities. I dont believe anyone should call another Master or Mistress unless that person is your sub. The whole Y/you..We/we..etc type of chatting really gets on my nerves. Just had to throw my 2 cents in.

Nightguy_1961 replies on 3/26/2006 9:48 pm:
julie4daddy34, I couldn't agree more....I made the statement that it might be out of line for a submissive to call me 'Sir' if I wasn't their Sir....but I had to acknowledge that some people are trained/schooled in different ways than myself.

Thanks for the comment.

wickedeasy 67F  
26746 posts
3/26/2006 6:35 am

Y/you are M/my F/friend, C/caps or no C/caps - and trust me ain't no one ever gonna mistake you for a submissive


You cannot conceive the many without the one.

Nightguy_1961 replies on 3/26/2006 9:51 pm:

Thanks, darlin'...I always know I can depend on you to cut through & get to the important stuff


Fox4aKnight1 43F

3/26/2006 5:02 pm

I have to agree here, I am vanilla, however I treat others with respect at least what was taught me and what I consider respect. And that is the giving and reciving of respect as it is both shown and recived. It really as far as I am concerned a form of courtsy. Such as if they insist on capitals and they have m respect then I will also do my best to adhere to this. But the ones that demand it without knowing me do not get my respect nor much of anything else.
As far as I can see its just another way to devide or stand out from anyone else. I do get a giggle from people that try to use these things without really know what is going on. Its kind of like watching kids use crayons on the sidewalk instead of colored chalk. No permanent harm sometimes but just kinda amusing. Such as the other day I had a man that I have known in the chat room who is a suposed Do comment on something I said or did and how he alluded that to the fact that he could master me. I gunuinely was amused because as much as I respect him for the job he does everyday and so on I said in the room that I have yet to find the man that can handle me for they firt have to have mastered themselves. I beive I gave him something to think on. For I don not doubt he is a good person. He just in my estimation has not enough mastery over his own self to properly take on me or much of anyone else for that matter. But that is just my personal opnion. I also apply this to myself when asked to be mistress for a sub. I see no reasn to do otherwise. I am not organized or stable enough to take on those responsibilities . I can barely at times hold my head above water and progress, how am I to to make it safe for those under my care if I can not do the same for myself.
Sadly I feel that way too many peopel take D/s and the lifestyle as just a way to formalize thier need for kinky sex when it is so much more than that. And that has always been my stand since I have first really learned about it. I was breifly a mistreee to an ex bf before I even really knew what it meant or what was going on. He wanted to explore his submisive side and I was trusted to him. That is the only reason I will even say I was his mistress because I actually did unknowingly perform as a mistress to him. I was careful and since it was new to me as well as to him we went slowly. I always took percations and No meant No. We discovered at a later time after me and him had broken up that what he was, was a bottom and needed a top not really a mistress per sae. And I interduced him to a good friend that then interduced him to his top. I was glad that I did right by him, and that we are still friends, and that he is now quite happy. Sometimes I think I harp on how much of the responsibilities that doms need to have for their sub. But I suppose that is just my personal code of honor and pride speaking. I really need to lightenup a bit I suppose but I have always seen the D/s as very much like a marital relationship. I know that is not always the case and that sometimes it changes from person to person ect. . *grin* Guess I am a bit old fashioned in some ways.

Anyhow that is my whole $20;s worth and then some. Sorry to ramble on so.


Nightguy_1961 replies on 3/26/2006 11:35 pm:

Respect has to be earned, not demanded. I've written a blog about this, though I'm not sure if a lot of people read it.

You are correct in that before one can 'master' another, they must first master themselves. And that is an ongoing process, if most Dominants would admit it. A good friend, who is a Dominant Lady, always uses the phrase "work in progress" to describe D/s relationships. It is never static...always changing.

You are also correct in that too many people try to use the tenets of BDSM to justify kink in their lives. While there is nothing wrong with those who just play on the weekends (God love 'em), too many times, I've seen someone who buys a pair of sportscuffs and a crop, then turn around and tell the world, "I'm 24/7". It's much, much more......mostly, it's hard work.

It does change from person to person, relationship to relationship. And you're right about responsibilities of a Dom.....some people can't deal with it.

No, you didn't ramble....glad that you commented.

Whispersoftly5 52F
15176 posts
3/26/2006 11:38 pm

I have to agree with what everybody else said - it's about who you are inside - not the size of a letter. Interesting post - I'm not all that familiar with all this and did not know that some took the formality so serious.


Nightguy_1961 replies on 3/27/2006 12:56 am:

Most of us do take the formality seriously, but some tend to go overboard....called it an all expense paid ego trip

sportsfan362436 47F

3/27/2006 12:46 am

Personally, Ng Sir, I will only capitalize someone's name if it is written in caps. The Sir (or Ma'am) after is only my personal way of offering respect to ones I feel deserve it. And isn't this whole medium a crock anyway..... those who are callous are so both online and in real life..... anyone can claim to be anything they want online.... but like you write.... as long as one only visits the cyber world and takes everything with a grain of salt, then it's not worth stressing over.

*Smiles, kisses n hugz*

Nightguy_1961 replies on 3/27/2006 10:00 pm:

As I've stated before, I'm only here visiting cyber world, riding the cyber rides and eating the cyber cotton candy. I LIVE in the real world...as do a lot of the people I've come to know from here that I respect & admire.

No, I'm not stressing....just blowing off steam

*hugs and a skoyc*

MamChelle 48F  
1443 posts
3/27/2006 3:43 am

NG..You already know my view on this issue i think ...i am olde gaurde...the Sir/Ma'am was beaten in ...and so was the Y/y thingy..but i do my best to honor my F/friends wishes and address them as they ask...or demand. It really matters not one whit if the person doesn't live real BDSM...and i find the demanding tyranical webDomme/Doms a riot of humourus proportions. i will only call the ones i know as Master or Mistress so and so by those titles ...if i know they are real lifers...the rest i treat as friends..or ignore depending on the measure they deserve. Sir and Ma'am is another of the things beaten in..so if i slip...it is in Honorah that i esteam You and Your lovely lady...in my heart Your always friends i treasure.

Nightguy_1961 replies on 3/27/2006 10:04 pm:
MamC...I know the 'real' from the 'wannabee'...just like you do. And you're right, the tyrants, or cyber nazis as I refer to them, are a joke. Trouble is...some people DO come here to find out about the lifestyle...and these bozos are who the newbies think are the Font of Information.

We treasure you're friendship as well, darlin'

Fox4aKnight1 43F

3/27/2006 3:12 pm

Nightguy thanks for your reply. I think personally I get peeved because it would be so easy to declare myself one or the other and since I am bi-polar submissive would be very easy for me to say I am then I could say .......take care of me.......make the hard decisions. Because it is so very difficult for me to do. And to be honest if you don't want to why take responsibility for yourself and make decisions. It would be so easy to let someone make these decsions for me. For me this won't work really.....because I would be rebeling all the time....But I also can't take care of someone else. But I know your point of "false" Doms..........they seem to be popping up like weeds...I have lately considered exploring the BDSM lifestyle ......slowly and with someone I see as a loving caring dom......however first I need to speak with him and see if he would be amendable. I have known him on and off vaugely for a few years, I trust him more than most men I have known alot longer. And that I know is the most important thing.
hugs to you and your beautiful lady......and thank you for for listening to me "voice" my thoughts on this matter.


Nightguy_1961 replies on 3/27/2006 10:08 pm:

No, thank you for your comments. Making a choice like to submit or not to submit (or should I say 'give my submission or not') is not something to be done lightly.

I'm glad that you have found someone who you feel comfortable talking with about this...I wish you all the luck in finding what you seek. If my lady or I can help, please feel free to call upon us.


BadAssBlonde1 57F
4989 posts
3/27/2006 9:57 pm

Now, NG; I can "trump that" ... I have seen submissives get all bent because of the same thing. This rule applies for some in WIITWD and some not. The Important thing is to not let it get out of hand and loose whats really important here...Real Life, and what O/one request. Do You understand what I am talking about? LOL

For all Time,
Lady Hunter
Madam of the Manor

After all the sex is gone, there is the mind - Lady Hunter / BAB

Copyright © House of Lady Hunter 1998-2009

Nightguy_1961 replies on 3/27/2006 11:53 pm:
Darlin'...I couldn't have put it better myself...Thanks

The Phantom of the Hotel

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