To collar or not to collar....that is the Question...with all apologies to the Bard  

Nightguy_1961 55M
3324 posts
11/3/2005 2:47 pm

Last Read:
6/1/2006 1:20 am

To collar or not to collar....that is the Question...with all apologies to the Bard

I mentioned in an earlier post about collaring and why it is nothing to take lightly. I thought I'd expand upon my views on said subject.

P/people in the lifestyle play like any other pansexual group, maybe with a bit more intensity. A dominant can scene with a submissive (with permission of course) and go about their their separate ways.

But to collar someone means going in another direction entirely. The Dom/me who is giving the collar is saying "I will protect you, take care of you, allowing no harm to come to you. I will put your desire and pleasure above all."

The submissive (I despise the word sub or subbie) accepting the collar is saying "I give you my trust and my love. I will not dishonor you with any of my actions. I am yours and yours alone to do with as you see fit."

The bottom line is that some lifestylers take collaring more serious than wedding vows. To give/receive a collar is something that takes a lot of thought. To give up or take back a collar is just as serious.

There are those who will take me to point with my observations, but that's the beauty of an open forum....many opinions.

What is troubling to me is what I see in the cyber world. I read on another lifestyle website the term 'velcro collar' and it is appropriate. I've seen it happen in the chat rooms many a time. A Dominant gives a collar to a submissive in the cyber world, but the spirit of the collar is ignored. The submissive still goes around, hitting on every Dominant they can find, but acts the part when said Sir enters the room.

Velcro collars are just that, temporary. It seems to say "I'm yours, but only if you're around" or "Even though I say I'm yours, I'm still going to do as I please".

Don't misunderstand me...I have F/friends who have collared and are very happy with each other. What worries me is the ones who only seem to be serious on one side- i.e. The Dominant is serious about the collar, but the submissive doesn't quite get it.

A collar is a serious thing and something that one should not take lightly. It is one aspect of What We Do that D/s, M/s, T/b take a long time to decide on.

Like I said...just my opinion and I could be wrong.


ArmorMonadCharm 44F

11/3/2005 3:12 pm

I totally agree with you.
and i hope you don't mind that I added your blog to my list of blogs to watch.

I think i'll enjoy reading what you have to say.

Many use the "velcro collar"
and don't take it seriously.

But giving and accepting a collar is a very serious matter.

But then there are a lot of players on the net.
LOL the InstaDom and the HNG mail never ends.
Thinking that if they say they are dom and try to play the game it will get them laid faster.
(Something I've found very true.)

If you enjoy some good bdsm erotica,
I've written some in my blog.
Most are short entries,
But i have included two long stories,


ps. i don't have a collar, but if/when i do accept on, it will be something I will cherish and will want to brag about.

LilRavven 36F
5 posts
11/4/2005 9:39 am

I agree with you about the collars. I've been with koosh for almost 3 years, when we first decided we wanted to be with each other we had a long talk about collars and agreed that we would wait a good long while to see how we worked together before doing anything along those lines as we both hold the collar equal to or more binding that a wedding band. At this point I'm hoping that on the day we exchange vows (hopefully sometime before I'm 150) he will accept my collar in a discreet fashion surounded by those we love and cherish.
I see the velcro collars come and go. Some I think are a case of 'we really, dig each other on line, lets do this." then when the r/w steps in they find they're not as compatible as they thought they were. Others I have no clue about, and I don't think I ever will.

Mermaidslut 50F

6/1/2006 12:33 am

A collar, is also a promise from a Dom that should not be taken lightly. Or, I should say, it should not be taken for granted would be a more correct statement. As in, once you have a collared sub, you don't go have a midlife crisis neglecting that sub, then trying to enfoce them back into a state of submission through abuse, trying to regain that control you have lost.

Once a submissive loses faith in a Dom, loses that level of trust, it can never be regained. That's when the power struggle can get very, very ugly.

Nightguy_1961 replies on 6/1/2006 1:21 am:
True, so true...

That's why I have a bit of a problem with cyber collars...I can't put much faith into them, to be honest...

Thanks for your post.....

Become a member to create a blog