Is there anybody out there?  

Nightguy_1961 55M
3324 posts
4/9/2006 8:11 pm

Last Read:
4/11/2006 1:23 am

Is there anybody out there?

Is there anybody...out there?

I sit in my solitude...surrounded by many, but still alone. Isolated from all, the only company I have is my enemy behind my walls.

Is there anybody...out there?

I hear people talking, but I can't understand what there saying, as if a invisible shield keeps their words from my ears. The only voice I hear is the voice of my adversary.

Is there anybody out there?

Those close to me reach out, but I don't feel them. I cannot let them get close, for my enemy won't let them.

Is there anybody out there?

Though I may be educated, I am as ignorant as dirt. I have eyes, but cannot see what is around me. I have ears, but cannot hear what people are saying to me. I am exquisitely empty...as my enemy laughs at me.

Is there anybody out there?

Locking myself away from all those around me...I now know the identity of my adversary...my demon...my enemy.

It is me...my own worst enemy.


Is there anybody out there?

*inspired by making the mistake of listening to Pink Floyd's The Wall on too little sleep and a depression attack sneaking up behind me*


©Nightguy_1961 2006


Whispersoftly5 52F
15176 posts
4/9/2006 8:28 pm

Wow, this is powerful and very similar to something I wrote years ago though I had not the inspiration of Pink Floyd but did know the consuming void of depression. I hope work lets you catch up on your sleep soon and that you fight off the attack. (((Hugs)))

Whisper...


Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/9/2006 11:45 pm:
Work never lets up...and after dealing with chronic depression most of my life, I'm damn near used to it by now.

rm_CuummDrop 49F
2591 posts
4/9/2006 9:25 pm

Okay,, NG..Sir.. YOU won't let me walla in depression,, NOR will i let You,, Sir...!.. SO.. consider Yourself warned...

Hugssssss to You

lil ole' cd

Now won't last forever, so use it wisely~c


Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/9/2006 11:46 pm:
cd,
I don't care to wallow in it...but I have no choice but to face it like a wave crashing on the beach.

MamChelle 48F  
1443 posts
4/9/2006 9:41 pm

i get that melencholy and deep when i don't sleep sometimes, my Friend...and i know as You stated the worst enemy is self...i just have to count myself as blessed to have forgiving F/friends, who know that i ride a terrible demon, called insomnia...and i am not always the sweet gal, they have come to know..when i say the Dark Diva descends..i mean it. The sleep deprivation sometimes makes me depressed and feel like a total bitch and a different person. And many a night i have sat here behind this glass and been so damn thankful for T/those here, who reached through this web, and touched my life...helped me stay. Little do i ever share, how many nights that was all that kept me from walking out ....into my end. Or doing some other assinine thing...it is F/friends like You, and lady, that make so much difference in lives, and never even know...that on the other side of Your mirror, reflected...is the lives You have touched.....like mine. *big hugs..to You and ladyJ*


Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/9/2006 11:49 pm:
chelle,

I'm not sure which feeds the other...lack of sleep or the depression. I just know the two walk hand in hand.

I have gotten past the point of harmful thoughts...I beat that daemon long ago. But the daemon of worthlessness...he still flits around in my head, especially when I 'crash' like this.

I've done nothing special....you asked questions...I merely answered them...nothing more. You have charge of your own destiny...never forget that.

rm_goddess1946 106F
13518 posts
4/9/2006 9:54 pm

.......................is time...
to rest

Just a little food for thought.............
If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you...
{=}


Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/9/2006 11:51 pm:
Goddess,

True....but when does my mind rest? When does my soul heal from the wounds over time? When do the daemons stop tormenting my mind with the thoughts of "what could have been?"

*sighs*

rm_DarkenMist 105F

4/9/2006 10:38 pm

I do hope You start hearing the voices of encouragement and understand that there are those that care for You and Your lady. Those that will give You a message or a sign that there are those out there willing to listen to You when You need to talk or need advice on something or their opinion.... as an old song once said "lean on Me when Your not strong and I'll be Your friend I'll help You carry on" and I know Your lady feels the same way.


Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/10/2006 12:30 am:
Darken,

I hope that my lady hears those voices of encouragement, but I think it's too late for me.

I wouldn't know how to ask for help if it killed me.

GoddessOfTheDawn 105F
11240 posts
4/10/2006 1:17 am


great post, very powerful


Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/10/2006 1:31 am:
GOTD,

Thank you

*sighs* now if I only felt better now that I wrote it


Fox4aKnight1 43F

4/10/2006 2:25 am

*hugs* I hear ya NG .....I have been there before. Sadly too many times to count. Too bad you did not get a chance to listen to my music last night. I belive it would have lightened your mood for a bit. Sadly now I am no longer feeling good, but I also am not feeling bad. So again *hugss* and I hope it passes you swiftly.

Kelli


Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/10/2006 2:28 am:
As I said earlier...here's to hoping

libgemOH 56M/52F

4/10/2006 3:54 am

The song that inspired you describes a very deep part of me too that scares the hell out of me. Your interpretation of it was a little too perfect which again, scares the hell out of me!! Thankfully, I've not had enough coffee to really get thinking to hard about it, but I know that place you are talking!! -B


Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/10/2006 12:54 pm:
gem,

People who know me (a little too well I might add) say that The Wall describes me sometimes almost to a 'T'.

Sorry...I didn't mean to scare you...not my intention.

sportsfan362436 47F

4/10/2006 5:51 am

*swiftly taking His sword from it's protective sheath to slay the demons which haunt His mind... wreaking havoc w/ the impending depression attack... so it moves on to hunt elsewhere.... turning to set Him quietly in His chair... slowly sliding my fingers along his cheek... placing a guard kiss atop each closed eyelid... soothing scents of jasmine tea fill the air.... bringing my stool in front of Him to sit protectively with His sword, in hand, prepared. allowing Him to enter into a restful slumber so needed.*
Ng Sir, the only thing I have found Pink Floyd good for (don't get me wrong, I LOVE the music) is making love to.
Tis NEVER too late to hear the 'voices of encouragement'... but in order to do so... one must choose NOT to hear the chaos surrounding the quietness.

*Smiles, kisses, hugz... and protection from the mountain itself*


Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/10/2006 12:57 pm:
*carefully takes the scholar's sword from her gentle hands*

Little one, take care with such a blade, for it cares not what it cuts, nor whose blood it tastes...for I have fallen on this sword and wounded my soul while wrestling with my nightmares.

I will rest....someday. But that day has not yet arrived.

wickedeasy 67F  
26772 posts
4/10/2006 6:35 am

D calls it the abyss, the black hole
when it calls him, he goes because he can't not go

only those that have known this shattering loneliness
can truly be present in this world.

"do not go gently into that good night, but strive, strive against the dying of the light"

that's all you can do my friend

with love and anything you need
always

You cannot conceive the many without the one.


Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/10/2006 12:58 pm:
I know what D speaks of....seems I've lived their most of my adult life.

I know nothing of the light you speak of....only the darkness which is my friend, my lover, my mistress.

caressmewell 53F

4/10/2006 1:41 pm

Even on a good day I wonder if there is anybody out there.


Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/10/2006 9:53 pm:
*nods his head sadly*

You too? I know they are out there, but they seem so far away at times.

libgemOH 56M/52F

4/10/2006 2:04 pm

double commenting, sorry! You didn't scare me, no. It's along the lines of what you said about being your own worst enemy. I am mine. I am what I fear the most. So in fact it is those words that I find scary because they are a little too much like looking into that "soul mirror."

Maybe finding out I am not alone in this world, that others, such as you have those same feelings will help to lessen them!

BTW, thanks for the on the toe, feels ALL BETTER now!!! -B


Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/10/2006 10:08 pm:
B,

I always tell people to talk about their depression...identifying the problem is a step closer to feeling better. You are not alone with this...trust me. Even cowboys get the blues.

Anytime with the toes...I have a bit of a foot fetish

NGs_lady 64F
762 posts
4/10/2006 7:04 pm

I am here and have been. Look to the lite and feel the warmth. That is all I can say. This from a wife that loves and adores you. From the submissive please find my love and warmth. i need you and miss You are all i have. You are all i need to be please do not make me nothing.
With LOVE and RESPECT
Yours
NGs_lady


Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/10/2006 10:10 pm:
My lady, I know you have been, and always will be there. You know what I deal with...and what I have dealt with. All I can do is ride out the storm like I do when the clouds roll in. It is not you...it is me.

Just remember that I love you...even when I separate myself from the world from time to time.

tillerbabe 56F

4/10/2006 8:52 pm

No depression allowed here! I've washed my hands of it and you can too! You are not alone!!!


Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/10/2006 10:11 pm:
I'm glad you've washed your hands of it, tiller. Now if you can tell me how to wash it from my soul, I'm all yours.

But thank you for trying to cheer me up. And congrats on the calendar, darlin'

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